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Original poster

Son's girlfriend doesn't wash

619 replies

guineaguineaguineapig · 29/12/2025 18:03

We have a bit of a delicate situation. Our son's girlfriend is currently living with us for an indefinite period of time. We don't mind her being here, but the problem is that she hardly ever showers or washes her clothes. As a result, she gives off a strong body odour that is becoming unbearable. It has got to the stage where I dread giving her lifts anywhere, because of the smell in the car. I can even smell when she's been in a room, let alone when she is still in it. I know some of it is her clothes, so I managed to wash some by saying I needed to make up a load. I have shown her how to use the washing machine, and my son also knows how to use it. He washes his own clothes and asks her if she needs anything washing, but she always seems to say no. After about a month of her being here, I decided to raise the issue with my son as I felt someone needed to say something to her, in case she was unaware. For context, she hasn't had the best upbringing and may not have been encouraged into good habits. He said he is aware of the problem, but it didn't really seem to bother him. I suggested he have a word with her about it, but I don't think he has.
She is smelling particularly bad at the moment. It was awkward when we had to go to my mum's for Boxing Day, as I was very aware of her body odour smell. No-one said anything - but then they wouldn't, would they? My son showers every day and has shown her how to use the shower. Very occasionally, she does have one, so it isn't the case that she feels uncomfortable showering in someone else's house. She seems at home in every other way. I am now getting to the stage where I am tempted to just run her a bath and invite her to hop in. She has come down with a really bad cold at the moment, so could I maybe say a bath would do her good? It doesn't really solve the problem long-term though.

Am I being unreasonable to insist that my son address this with her? It's really getting us down (by us I mean me, my husband and his sister).

OP posts:
Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 17:55

Serendipetty · 30/12/2025 17:43

That is true but there won't be SO many people whose son's girlfriend lives with them who's estranged from family, doesn't work and smells. FB is a lot more widely used than MN-of course not everyone on here is a Mum but it is aimed at Mums. People of all sorts of spheres of society use fb-she's a lot more likely to see it there. She might'nt even know MN exists but I guarantee she or her family/friends/OP's son haev heard of fb and might come across it there.

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Pretty sure there's loads of families across the UK who fit similar descriptions

SpoonBaloon · 30/12/2025 17:54

I am genuinely amazed that there is such sympathy being directed at this woman.

Poor personal hygiene is one of my biggest bugbears and I accept that our bodies make smells and noises which can’t always be avoided, and that now and again our T shirts and socks may end up a bit whiffy after a busy day.

But there is no excuse for an adult to be going around unwashed and with BO. None at all.

This woman needs to get a job, too. There’s no excuse for a physically able 23 year old to not be working or in education. How much UC or housing allowance does she receive?

Minxmumma · 30/12/2025 17:54

I have a couple of thoughts and confess to not reading the whole thread so maybe repeating others.

  • do they have their own laundry basket? Perhaps grab a cheap one and it will start to instill good habits, then they or you can grab the whole thing and wash it once a week.

  • does she have a specific discreet space in the bathroom for her needs? My son had a partner who came from a stressful background and they needed a little space. I was quite clear when they moved in that this shelf in the cupboars was theirs for any wash bits, sanitary needs etc. And they were free to use boxes / baskets whatever.

  • it really sounds like she needs a female adult figure to lead her into good habits. What's her relationship with your daughter like? Could you embark on a girls shop for basics? Maybe she doesn't have lots of underwear? Or deodorant?

  • great job for getting her in the tub. Long journeys and small steps etc. If you can, I'd try it again in a couple of days.

Maybe she just needs looking after a bit. Gentle conversations and supportive actions and routine

MaidOfSteel · 30/12/2025 17:52

You could use a bio washing powder or liquid for her laundry, OP. Much more effective at killing the bacteria that cause the smells.

Serendipetty · 30/12/2025 17:52

TimeForATerf · 30/12/2025 17:49

To be fair, if someone doesn’t know they smell they won’t recognise themselves on FB. also I’m guessing the GF is in her 20s, my DD is 28, she hasnt been on FB since she was 20.

That's true, that not a lot of young people use fb. But it is still more likely to be shared and re-shared I guess than if it is 'just' on mn.

This thread has reminded me of a thread from a few years ago, an older woman who posted as she'd only just realised that she wasn't washing properly. She didn't use anything but water to wash and washed her hair once a week and thought it was totally normal.

Lineofdutytoofar · 30/12/2025 17:51

PinkKettle · 30/12/2025 13:09

@guineaguineaguineapig to address the ingrained smell in her clothes buy the cheapest bottle of supermarket vodka (1.5 ltr) poor it into a couple of buckets and soak clothing for 60 minutes, wash those items on a longish 40 degree wash afterwards with dettol in the softener drawer. While those items are washing soak the next load in the same vodka buckets and repeat.

This method does work, I’ve used it on DH gym/running gear when the smell gets ingrained and the BO smell when he warms up is always gone.

MN at its best, I’m definitely going to try this, thanks!

TimeForATerf · 30/12/2025 17:49

To be fair, if someone doesn’t know they smell they won’t recognise themselves on FB. also I’m guessing the GF is in her 20s, my DD is 28, she hasnt been on FB since she was 20.

cha04 · 30/12/2025 17:48

How is he not bothered? Surely her bits stinks when they’re at it?!!! I can’t imagine you wouldn’t gag!!!! You are going to have to tell her plain and simple but on her own not even with your son.

Bankiebabe · 30/12/2025 17:48

I would have a word with her in private explaining the need to wash her body and clothes. It is difficult but you may have to tell her the truth that her hygiene is not good enough. You would be doing her a favour also as others outside will not be so kind in their comments .

TeaRoseTallulah · 30/12/2025 17:47

ParentingRollerCoaster · 30/12/2025 17:38

Maybe buy her a multi pack of black pants from M&S and some stretchy vests.

Why stretchy vests?

Serendipetty · 30/12/2025 17:43

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 17:41

I really don't see the difference between it being posted on Facebook than here - why would someone identify the OP from a Facebook post and not this thread - she is anon. She could be anyone

That is true but there won't be SO many people whose son's girlfriend lives with them who's estranged from family, doesn't work and smells. FB is a lot more widely used than MN-of course not everyone on here is a Mum but it is aimed at Mums. People of all sorts of spheres of society use fb-she's a lot more likely to see it there. She might'nt even know MN exists but I guarantee she or her family/friends/OP's son haev heard of fb and might come across it there.

allthingsinmoderation · 30/12/2025 17:43

guineaguineaguineapig · 30/12/2025 17:35

This is concerning. How does this happen? I didn’t know this was a thing!? Did someone post it?Was it an advert for the Mumsnet site? Thanks for drawing my attention to it…

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It really is concerning,i saw a newspaper picked up a thread and wrote a story that outed someone !

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 17:42

guineaguineaguineapig · 30/12/2025 17:41

I never knew they did that. I think I’d better ask them to remove the thread. It’s a shame though as it has been really helpful. 🙁

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Why? This is a public forum seen by a lot of people? What's the difference?

Serendipetty · 30/12/2025 17:42

Floogal · 30/12/2025 17:40

I just hope she doesn't wear thongs if she is that negligent with hygiene 🤢. Why not suggest your son and her to take up swimming. She'll have to shower before and after going in the pool. Also the chlorine will help with the pongs.

Also the chlorine will help with the pongs

Just stick her in some sheep dip, OP.

The suggestions of swimming, while not necessarily a bad thing just make me wonder how mucky some folk who go in public swimming pools are.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 17:41

I really don't see the difference between it being posted on Facebook than here - why would someone identify the OP from a Facebook post and not this thread - she is anon. She could be anyone

Original poster
guineaguineaguineapig · 30/12/2025 17:41

TeaRoseTallulah · 30/12/2025 17:36

MN shares certain thread on SM as a form of advertising. One of the reasons I never post anything personal. You could ask them to delete the thread .

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I never knew they did that. I think I’d better ask them to remove the thread. It’s a shame though as it has been really helpful. 🙁

OP posts:
Floogal · 30/12/2025 17:40

I just hope she doesn't wear thongs if she is that negligent with hygiene 🤢. Why not suggest your son and her to take up swimming. She'll have to shower before and after going in the pool. Also the chlorine will help with the pongs.

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 17:39

guineaguineaguineapig · 30/12/2025 17:35

This is concerning. How does this happen? I didn’t know this was a thing!? Did someone post it?Was it an advert for the Mumsnet site? Thanks for drawing my attention to it…

Show quote history

Because certain influencers share posts from here and reddit for clicks and income

ParentingRollerCoaster · 30/12/2025 17:38

Maybe buy her a multi pack of black pants from M&S and some stretchy vests.

TeaRoseTallulah · 30/12/2025 17:36

guineaguineaguineapig · 30/12/2025 17:35

This is concerning. How does this happen? I didn’t know this was a thing!? Did someone post it?Was it an advert for the Mumsnet site? Thanks for drawing my attention to it…

Show quote history

MN shares certain thread on SM as a form of advertising. One of the reasons I never post anything personal. You could ask them to delete the thread .

Tigercrane · 30/12/2025 17:36

Can you offer to buy her some knickers.It sounds like you are very kind, I hope the talk goes well.

Original poster
guineaguineaguineapig · 30/12/2025 17:35

noctilucentcloud · 30/12/2025 17:12

@guineaguineaguineapig this popped up on my fb feed, so be aware that it's being shared wider now - I would hate for your sons girlfriend to recognise herself as the one being talked about (it'd be very obvious from your last post).

This is concerning. How does this happen? I didn’t know this was a thing!? Did someone post it?Was it an advert for the Mumsnet site? Thanks for drawing my attention to it…

OP posts:
LeafyMcLeafFace · 30/12/2025 17:33

guineaguineaguineapig · 30/12/2025 13:06

Update. She's just come out of the bath! I ran one for her and squirted in some of the Sanex wash that she uses. I provided her with two clean towels and bathrobe (borrowed from son - clean) and gave her a brand new sponge (still in wrapping) and explained it was for her use. I asked her to put her onesey in the wash basket and asked her if she had any clean PJs. Luckily she did, so I put them on her bed (they have bunk beds and she is on the bottom) I haven't had the conversation with her yet, but ran the bath under the guise of 'baths help when you are congested'. I made her a Lemsip earlier with a decongestant, so which should help reinforce that. When she was in the bath, I asked my son to give me all clothes that have been worn in the last few weeks. He was very compliant and filled a whole basket. I took the clothes and have put them in the washing machine on 60 degrees. Luckily everything is black and made of cotton. The smell of the clothes as I put them in the washing machine was awful! Weird thing is though - NO KNICKERS. Just a bra and a few pairs of socks in terms of underwear. I don't feel I can hunt around the room to find any, besides, she's back in there now...

Oh bless her, she’s really struggling and very lucky to have someone like you who cares and wants to help.

YourDearCat · 30/12/2025 17:33

Does she clean her teeth ? If your son doesn't say anything, tell him you will. Maybe they like it that way ? Good luck

YourDearCat · 30/12/2025 17:33

Does she clean her teeth ? If your son doesn't say anything, tell him you will. Maybe they like it that way ? Good luck