Son's girlfriend doesn't wash

I never knew they did that. I think I’d better ask them to remove the thread. It’s a shame though as it has been really helpful. 🙁

This is so lovely to hear! This is the answer. I was feeling really sorry for her. I think the best thing you can do is be as gentle as humanly possible and set in place things like @averychocmentioned above.

I think it is critical that you never make her feel even remotely embarrassed about this as it sounds like it comes from a tough situation which is nothing to do with her being at fault. I admire your son for not making a big deal of this and seeing the person beyond the situation. Good luck. I hope it can be gently resolved, as of course I fully understand it must be really difficult to live with.

It's alarming that some 1m young people are now NEETS, no? I can't be the only one worried by that.

Or maybe some people suffer from clinical depression and can't get out of bed never mind wash, off you go with your judgment.

"Im so sorry to mention this, please,please don't feel embarrassed. I appreciate you haven't had the best role models in your life and I am the only one that has noticed this, and it really, really isn't your fault. Would it be ok if you showered daily? Properly scrubbing you armpits exceteta. I just want to help but you do have a scent about you. I hope that you can understand. I and.our family hold no grudges, a simple.shower each day and all will be a distant memory. No matter as you we love you whatever"

Great update! Perhaps you just need to run her a lovely bubble bath a few times a week. Glad it all worked out.

My god, the endless excuses for being filthy. I am in India at the moment watching women walk miles to get one bucket of precious water, so their families can have a daily bath and go to work clean and neat. They could be forgiven for leaving their families filthy, but they don't.

Meanwhile, here with every advantage, young people are being cossetted into being lifelong victims lying around smelly all day.

Maybe bring it up from the position of making rotas now she's settled and you all enter a new normal. So, as a poster said above, there's a rota for the washing machine. It might not need to be when they each put a washing but when each makes sure all their clothes from the week are now in the wash, so everyone brings all their used clothes down at least once or twice a week. Then another one for the shower, when you plan more or less who goes first. You probably have this already set with the rest of you, but you can bring it up as a way to make sure she knows when her daily turn is and when it's ok to be in the shower without worrying people are waiting to use it, for example. Ask her what her favourite shampoo and shower gel are. I'd start with that before raising the issue of body odour, so just talking about routines and daily habits in a household with 5 people, who will need to organise themselves a bit more.

After a few weeks, if things don't change, I'd bring up the need to make a good impression at interviews, and that it will include clean clothes and fresh smells that show attention to detail and care. If she doesn't look after herself and present herself neatly for an interview, how would anyone believe she would look after their business or their stuff? At best, she would be giving the impression of being careless, rushing things, or leaving things unfinished. At worst, most people would not want to work around someone whose BO is so intense that it's distracting and a real problem.

After a bad childhood and then poverty as a young adult I still feel really privileged having a shower, a warm house so it's not freezing when I get out, a tumble drier so I can easily wash clothes and enough clean clothes to change into every day. I pity someone being so unclean but also is it not really disregarding of other people ?

Only because she was too polite to say anything before that.

And the OP has been asking her son’s gf to wash herself since she moved in.

That is true but there won't be SO many people whose son's girlfriend lives with them who's estranged from family, doesn't work and smells. FB is a lot more widely used than MN-of course not everyone on here is a Mum but it is aimed at Mums. People of all sorts of spheres of society use fb-she's a lot more likely to see it there. She might'nt even know MN exists but I guarantee she or her family/friends/OP's son haev heard of fb and might come across it there.

There are signs at my local pool asking you to shower before you go in

I am genuinely amazed that there is such sympathy being directed at this woman.

Poor personal hygiene is one of my biggest bugbears and I accept that our bodies make smells and noises which can’t always be avoided, and that now and again our T shirts and socks may end up a bit whiffy after a busy day.

But there is no excuse for an adult to be going around unwashed and with BO. None at all.

This woman needs to get a job, too. There’s no excuse for a physically able 23 year old to not be working or in education. How much UC or housing allowance does she receive?

As someone else has mentioned, a daily shower - nice, though it is - is not essential when there are also facecloths and soap and hot water. As a child, the flat we lived in had a bath but no hot water (!) Showers were a luxurious novelty from the USA until the 60's/70's not just for us but most of the families we knew. Didn't mean we were dirty though! Some older ones may remember girls saying they couldn't come out on a Friday night because that was the night they washed their hair! The point I'm trying to make is that - like so much else - this daily showers / 'feminine' wipes etc stuff has been driven by companies hoping to make money out of girls and women.

I Googled 'personal care for adults' and there are a lot of results, including this printable one from Pennine Care NHS: https://www.suffolklocaloffer.org.uk/asset-library/personal-care-hygiene.pdf
Perhaps it (or another poster / booklet) could be put up in the bathroom - where it appears to be advising everyone in the household, not just the young lady?

Would they suddenly become beacons of hygiene and have a shower before they got in the pool, cos, i doubt it??