Son's girlfriend doesn't wash

That's a strange assumption to make. All application forms are now online- are you aware of any online forms that can only be filled in at 10:20am? Most roles can be applied for 24 hours a day until the closing date.

No one said that - but you don't know why she's functioning the way she is right now and until you do know - stop lecturing

I had a friend who was sexually abused and could hardly get out of bed for six months

Just to correct something, children in the care system have care given by carers or foster carers, do you think they allow children to walk around being smelly? Thats quite offensive to foster carers who put a lot of effort into ensuring that children live by good standards of care.

Im also interested in the sheer prejudice throughout this thread to suggest that someone who is ND, if she is, just cant do it. Just cant be expected to work, cant be expected to get up, cant be expected to wash or be motivated. No wonder outcomes for people with ND are poor when there is a wealth of low expectations them.

This thread is a complete example of how to write someone off

She should be expected to function better and raise her standards.

Don't respond to me again. There are lots of reasons why people don't wash. Clinical depression. Ptsd. Other trauma. I don't give a hoot what you would put up with. You aren't the Op and she sounds much nicer than you!!!

No relevance. You're fucking right - sorry I opened my fucking mouth you awful judgemental person

And just because she charges rent doesn't mean the dwp will pay it. Hope that also fucking helps

You can claim the housing element of UC for rent as a lodger but doesnt sound as if OP is charging rent, she should do in my view

And the relevance of someone having a medical condition which causes strong odours is what exactly? The girl doesnt wash. I wouldnt tolerate this in my home.

@guineaguineaguineapig I don’t think you should worry too much about her being recognised - you don’t share a lot of details. If you’re worried you could ask MN to delete specific comments where you name their ages?

My two cents is in line with a lot of other wisdom already shared on here - don’t assume that she has been taught how to take care of herself or that she feels it’s normal or safe. Come from a place of mothering, loving, curious care - you say she doesn’t have any underpants - first step would be to take her shopping for those and buy them, then do a sit down chat about showering and laundry and what you would expect to be a normal rate of doing these things, and ask her what she learnt growing up, how she feels about showering and laundry etc and what would make it more comfortable/easier for her to meet the minimum standards required for a person out in the world getting a job etc - does she want special soap, a reserved laundry basket, can you help her by collecting her laundry and adding it to your loads etc etc

Does she have or need any underwear do you think? Does she have any form of income?

People in third world countries used to bathe in the river, or carry water back in a barrel just so to be clean. Nothing to do with companies trying to make money, but about the necessity of being clean.

Once you hit puberty, your body will smell, but as evidenced on such threads, some people can't smell themselves and in turn believe they don't smell.

It's being nose blind and most people are too polite to point it out.

I think as she has a cold, like you say you could run her a bath, they do some Vicks bubble bath stuff. You could light a few menthol candles, get her some nice body wash etc and say she’s welcome to run the bath or shower daily as it’ll make it feel better - just reassert the point. Suggest gathering up all her clothes and throwing them in the wash too as say the virus will be on her clothes and therefore best to wash them too (buy her a new pair of pjs to put on after her bath) and ensure everything else is washed two washing tabs and dried. Once that’s all under way, once it’s clean explain to her gently that she should be using the machine once a week for a big wash of all her clothes / and also make sure your son is taking care of bedding towels. Try the nice subtle way and if no luck you will have to speak to her and let her know it’s an expectation that she is clean . I am not a mean person but can’t stand smellsxxx

I don’t know how a person can’t smell themselves.

I would try casually asking her about her hygiene, for example, you could say something like: I read an article about how often you should wash your hair, twice a week, but I like to shower almost everyday. How often do you wash your hair?

Something like that and then either following that or on a different day you could continue the conversation by telling her which deodorant you love. That Wild brand, for example then you can talk about the different cases, scents and how it’s good for the environment. I think that is the kindest way. She might see through it but then at least you haven’t embarrassed her and she will probably also understand that you’re trying to be kind.

You can continue these conversations by telling her you bought her some and, for example, if it’s a 48 hour suggest that she used it daily from your own experience.

When it comes to clothes I think that needs to be a little more obvious. Surely your son could wash them if you ask him. It doesn’t require an awkward conversation. Failing that I would be tempted to take them from the laundry basket and wash them and tell her: “I’ve noticed you guys haven’t washed clothes for a few days so I’ve washed a load. If you don’t have time to
wash them leave your laundry basket out for me and I’ll do it every week.”
I’m not saying you should have to
wash them but that seems to be the kindest way.

Honestly I think I would throw them out if it was me

It's better coming from you. She's probably unaware. Make it specific. Tell her she smells bad and her clothes smell bad and she's making the house and car smell bad.
Tell her you expect her to wash her clothes (be specific about which ones and how often) and herself (again be specific, every other day for example). Ask her to commit to that.

Don't forget the bedsheets.
Nothing like nice fresh sheets if you aren't feeling well.........

No one is saying she cant. But let's be realistic, it's 30th December, most non essential services are on Christmas shut down and you have no idea what shes doing the rest of the time. You just forgot to look beyond your own frame of reference.

I couldn't work when I had ptsd. I was really unwell for a couple of years. I wasn't on benefits btw just incase anyone decides to pick me up on that but don't assume people who suffer from trauma are fit to work. I absolutely could not at that point in time

You can still work despite all of those things.

I don’t have experience of people who have been through the care system.

There are loads of things I do despite not being explicitly educated in them. I actually, truthfully, genuinely do find it very hard to believe that people don’t know they need to wash if they start to smell.

They’re sleeping in DS’s teenage bedroom, I suppose

Maybe not an excuse, but legitimate reasons already outlined by OP - ND, trauma, poor upbringing....

@guineaguineaguineapig I would probably position it as "ive noticed you don't bath/shower/do laundry very often, is there anything I can do to help with that?" And if necessary throw in some suggestions - would unscented laundry products/a designated bathroom slot/whatever help. It might help get to the bottom of the avoidance ie is it an issue with transitions, or building routines, or sensory or just plain not having been taught this stuff is important

You sound fantastic btw 😊

Out of curiosity... Why do two adults have bunk beds?

I once had to have the conversation with a person I line managed. It definitely is awkward but if it was the other way around wouldn’t you rather know even if it’s a little embarrassing? I think I said something like look it’s awkward, but I’d want to know and it’s not easy to be aware of it on yourself, towards the end of the day you have quite strong body odor.’ No need to instruct on how to resolve, it’s fairly obvious how to fix it. He actually thanked me as had no idea!!!

I could not live with this.
My DD has a friend who is the same. I have to have the windows down in the car.
I wash the bed stuff as soon as she leaves.
We use to take her on holiday but I literally felt sick the whole time. I’m mortified for the others in the hotel who sit near us at breakfast 🙈

I’ve done all the nice, polite things suggested on here. She didn’t care and actually cared less as she got older.
I became quite blunt in the end. She still didn’t care, hence we no longer invite her.
She’s the loveliest girl too ☹️

The son is also lying in the stinky bed until after 10. Yes she is but there must be more to why she took the gf in. Sounds like she was neglected by her parents

Yes, a million times over. Some utter nonsense on this post. I’d be telling her to get in the shower pronto and then find herself a job. Not only does she reek but she’s also bone idle. You’re being taken for a mug here OP.