I am very upset that I haven't been asked to be my sister's bridesmaid.

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape tbh

Presumably she didn't have a baby and kids when she was your bridesmaid and you were centre of attention at your wedding. Fifty fifty on this one.

I get it. I’ve always wanted to be a bridesmaid and my sister knew it. But she decided not to have any at her wedding. I was gutted but got over it. I was one of the witnesses instead. It was a lovely day.

Sounding shallow and insensitive right there.
Can imagine her being unbearable on the day and perhaps if you'd been a bridesmaid as her sister you mightve got it in the neck much more than the others
You've had a narrow escape
So go buy yourself a fabulous wedding outfit, making sure that you look GOOD
whilst shaking those tail feathers!!

If she is middle, is there another excluded sister or is it a younger brother?
Bite your lip if you can.
She may live to regret it. I made some questionable decisions round my own wedding and still cringe a bit to this day...decades later...

OP, honestly, someone who could say that to anyone is a witch, and you are well out of the shit show that is likely to emerge.
My husband was well able to look after our 3 children alone but I wouldn't want to be away from three children sick with chickenpox.
All 3 of mine were sick as pigs when it went through our house.
A right dose.

I would quietly step back from someone like this, even in family.
No doubt there will be drama and you will be so glad to enjoy the day away from it with zero pressure.
In my experience people like your sister whom are very dismissive of other people's stresses with small children, tend to be absolutely the most dramatic when they eventually have a child themselves.
Two of my good friends had sister's like this who gave them zero understanding, support, or even basic kindness when they had young children first.
By the time they had their own children, they suddenly decided they had sisters with useful younger children to entertain theirs, and expected to suddenly be able to visit whenever they liked for as long as they liked!
They got quite the shock when it was made gently but firmly clear, that they were at a different stage and too busy at weekends with sports and social activities to host endlessly.
Nor were they willing to babysit and give them a break!
Take this as an opportunity to have a nice day with your husband and let your sister crack on.

Tl:dr while hurtful I do think in aggregate you have got the right outcome

She sounds like a total bit of a cock tbh..

It IS crap but of you zoom out i think you dodged a bullet because if you were asked it would be a year /18m of her nonsense and at the end even after you jumped through alllllll the hoops she'd be berating you and telling you what a sack of shit you were

Your sister sounds like a nasty piece of goods tbh, I would be grateful not to have to spend the day kissing the hem of her robes 😱

Excluding your sister because a) she might look like a normal post-partum mother in the photos, and b) she might have attachments to other human beings besides The Bride… yeah, nope. It sounds like the sort of shallow, appearance-focused, narcissistic wedding I dread, so I’d probably tell her to swivel on it and stay at home being fat and unglamorous with my inconvenient rugrats.

Let's hope none of her five friends get pregnant in the next year or so!

tbh this is the most reasonable part of all the shite she said. plenty of brides wanna do the centre of attention thing on their big day and fair play, if not then when etc.

the fatphobia and the implication the OP is unable to be anything but mum? gtfo

You have dodged a gigantic Bridezilla bullet.

@Lottie585 tbh I would agree here as you have a partner who is the dad yet you missed her engagement party. She was cruel to mention the weight but doesnt sound like you can manage both childcare and wedding stuff realistically if you can't let your other half manage for one evening. Just enjoy the wedding as a guest, much less hassle

YANBU to be hurt, but I would see it as a blessing, you are excused from her drama and get to enjoy the day as a guest with no responsibilities.

Everything else was reasonable, plus being her sister, you will be in the wedding party anyway, so it's totally reasonable to ask friends, but

she is worried that I won't have lost my baby weight by the date of her wedding

she what? That's rude and unkind and frankly bitchy.

I bet your DH is glad. Looking after 3 young kids at a wedding is bloody hard work!

She sounds like a twat, what the hell is she on about losing baby weight, you are her sister what dam difference does it make what size you are and with 4/5 other people as bridesmaids (ridiculous) she's hardly going to be short of people to "fuss her". I have 3 kids and was my sister's maid of honour, her other 2 adult bridesmaids had both just had babies a few months before, it made dress shopping a bit hard but we all looked lovely. My sister didnt sack anyone because they were pregnant, that is ridiculous to do to your friend nevermind your sister.

You’ve dodged a bullet. Rather than embrace the idea of it being a lovely bonding time she has made it clear that she wants to be feted and bowed down to.

She will be a nightmare bride.

Gobsmacked about baby weight comment and your care for your children. As others have said you’re well out of it. Aesthetics and focus are clearly her top priority and not family involvement. Her day, her rules. Each to their own I suppose. You can enjoy the day without any of the stress.

I agree you will have your hands full on the day. Could you be her matron of honour with some important but less time consuming role. You could be there for the build up and getting ready but during the actual ceremony bow out, so as to be free to deal with your DC.

She’s not a nice person.

One of my bridesmaids was 8 months pregnant for my wedding, I also let them all pick their dresses so they were all comfortable in what they were wearing, the same with shoes and their hair and make up preferences.

I couldn’t have cared less what they looked like, what they weighed or anything else. it was just important that they were there.

The comment about being busy with the children is fair enough but the baby weight comment is rude!
Lucky escape @Lottie585 , I can see this being a nightmare!

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Yes this. I think it's a bit of a cheek doing this and for those reasons but in a way I think you've dodged a bullet so just have nothing to do with it.

She's a rude little bugger.

However if she just generally prefers to have her mates ie her contemporaries, rather than an older sister, then that's fair enough - and in this case I think you're well out of it

Smells like ragebait...

I think she’s really out of order mentioning your baby weight, but I do think you’ve dodged a bullet here as she sounds like she’s going to be a handful. I’d just let her get on with it and thank your blessings x