To be upset my friend asked me for 5K?

If you feel yourself weakening @OhMyLantern jump straight on this thread & we will lend your our spines until yours is up to the job!

As other wise ladies have said. Decline ( no need to say why, you owe her zero reason) and slow fade her from your life. Onwards and upwards 2026 !

Keep it brief. You’re sorry, but you have debts to pay and other expenses. Seriously, don’t do it. I can’t emphasise this enough. If you give it to her, she will ask for more. If you lend it to her, you will never see it again. DP lent money to a family member years ago. He and his partner wanted to buy a car and didn’t have the full amount. They paid him back pretty reliably for a while, but then it just tailed off. And there was an ongoing dispute between family member and partner over whose debt it was. A few more dribs and drabs, then nothing. They split up and we just couldn’t be arsed chasing it. The joke was that we were the ones who felt uncomfortable and embarrassed about it all. They couldn’t have given a monkey’s.

Be brave and say no. You cannot allow yourself to be in a perilous financial position.

Or say you've already paid it into your pension and can't touch it. 😉

No.

She isn’t your friend.

“Unfortunately I am not able to help you out.”
”But you’ve just had a big payout. I know you have the money.”
”That’s right I have had a payout but the money is already spoken for. I can’t help you.”

Give no explanation and no apology.

If she asks again or badgers you you say, “A true friend would not act like this.” and then you walk away.

She's an opportunist. Tell her no.

Hard No. Absolutely don't give her anything.

Don't do this. Well-meaning, but very bad advice.

Do not give her this. She’s taking the piss and you will never see it back. If she’s suicidal (doubt it, she’s probably saying it to manipulate you) tell her to phone the Samaritans.

What so she messaged you something like “can I have £5000” or “can you let me have £5000” rather than “can you lend me”?

CF doesn’t really cover it if that’s the case!

i would certainly borrow from pp and say no. Wrap it up in reasons like, “I had to pay back my parents and I have to pay for my next month’s living expenses and so I haven’t anything left unaccounted for” if that makes you feel better, but equally “no I can’t, sorry” is perfectly acceptable- you don’t have to justify your no.

Please do look after yourself @OhMyLantern . You have been through so much!

She isn't your friend op. She knows you are vulnerable and is targeting you. That is beyond the pale in my book.

What a cheeky bitch. Tell her to fuck off.

Without reading all 7 pages, so I'm sure someone else will have picked up on it, but knowing that you nearly lost your life through suicide...could your friend not be alluding to feeling suicidal herself to tug on your heartstrings? And if this is the case, what kind of friend is she? It sounds like you've been to hell and back- that money is yours. You won't see a penny if you do give it to her.

The suicide threat to try forcing you to give her £5000 is absolutely unforgivable. She’s literally weaponising your own suicidal ideation against you. She’s manipulative and cruel.

This is why it feels so wrong - it’s so much much worse than average chancers with their sob stories.

Offer her £500. Tell her you have lots of debt to pay back too. Does she know your full finances?.

just say no.

As pp have said you just need to say it’s invested somewhere you can’t get it and you need it in case the same happens again

and put it in an ISA - this money gives you options you didn’t have before and you need to protect yourself

is she really your friend? If she falls out with you for saying no I would say not

make sure you point her towards mental health and debt support too

You said that if you hadn't gone through what you just went through, you would be better able to defend your boundaries from this friend. I hate to be judgy, but the fact that JUST after you went through this horrible experience and FINALLY were made whole by this (not actually huge) infusion of compensation, suddenly she has an amount of debt the same as what you had to borrow from your parents and, funnily enough, just like you, she feels suicidal over it?

What a coincidence!

To me, it comes across that she knows you well enough to know how you were emotionally worn out, and she's taking advantage of your exhaustion to get something for herself while you are too exhausted to defend your boundaries the way you normally would.

I don't think I would offer to help her learn about Stepchange or anything like that. Or even take walks with her. I think that such extended time spent with her would give her opportunities to convince you to give/"lend" her the money or even more. I would maybe just take a break from her for a good long time. You can send best wishes for her situation but, as you are sure she understands, you don't have the means to help at this time [or any time, but you don't have to say that part] and need some mental space to recover from your own difficult situation. If you feel you would be leaving her "in the lurch" by totally going no-contact temporarily, then maybe keep it to text messages so that you can stay in control of your emotions/boundaries, and not get manipulated into a conversation where you agree to give her your money.

My DM's friend borrowed £5000 to buy a car. Like you, my DM couldn't work out how to say no. Needless to say, the friend is now an ex-friend and my mum hasn't had a penny paid back.

How about saying something like “I’m really sorry Jane but my debts were much, much larger than I let on. I hardly wanted to admit it to myself let alone burdening a friend with that info. I am afraid that all the money has been swallowed up and I am struggling myself between now and my new job”.

All lies, of course but it might be an easier get-out?

If you don’t want to say no then tell her it is locked up in an account that you cannot access for a year.

Hard no.

She's not your friend.

Move forward without her in your life at all. Permanent boundary. You will be happier without her in your life.

I wouldn't give her 5k (even if she asked can you lend me 5k, you realise she is asking you to give her it, you won't get it back). I wouldn't mix money and friendship, just say no, absolutely not and keep repeating.

I think you said in your 1st post that this friend never bought you food, offered you money or offered you any support despite knowing you were dealing with a horrible work situation. I had a friend of mine deal with a horrible boss and eventually she got another job to leave that one. I know it was a horrible period of her life as myself another friend were there for her during this.

So now the friend that offered very little or no support wants £5k to clear her debts. I would say no that unfortunately since you ran up debits they had to be paid off. Tell her as well I also have had Christmas and my new job does not pay me for a few weeks.
I had friends asking me for say £50-£100 the odd time in a 5 week month but they paid it back within a week or two but they did this for me as well.

She has no intention of paying this back. I would tell her to go citizen advice and get help with a debt plan or to look on Martin Lewis website re getting debt paid off.

I saw a friend of mine getting some unexpected money a few years ago. She gave a friend some cash and bought her on holiday. It was a total of £2500-£3000.
Her friend was dealing with a horrible time then. Now a few years later my friend that helped this lady out is lucky to get a text message or what's app from the same person. My friends parents are comfortably off and I know she will be getting several inheritances in time. My friend told me never tell anyone if you come into money otherwise they will expect money to be given to them.