To be upset my friend asked me for 5K?

Good grief!! That's gob smackingly awful to read!! 😵

Does she know you borrowed £5k from your parents? It seems like it’s quite calculated - the same amount as you borrowed.

Do not give her the money, this is not your responsibility in any way and from what you describe here I strongly suspect you will never see that money again. She sounds quite manipulative to be honest and given you’ve had a rough time at that job the last thing you need is to bring this energy into your life. The power of the word NO is something you need to lean into, it does not make you a bad person to say no to her, trust me. She is taking advantage of you.

Quickly put it into an account with a notice period so you wont impulsively give it to her.
She is manipulating you

This is why you don't disclose finances to others

Hard agree with this post 👌

You don’t have to over explain you decision. Friends don’t ask people for large amounts. A no I have already allocated spent my money should suffice. How she reacts to you saying no will determine your friendship.

I had much the same thing. Compensation award. Within days of a 'friend' knowing about it I had "when my ex-husband dies I know he'll have left the kids money but as my job is crap and I've just bought a stupidly expensive dream house (and I let my kids sit on their arses when they could be out earning money) I'm just living hand-to-mouth, so could you lend me a lot of money? I'm sure my kids will give me some when they get it and I can pay you back then."

All of that nonsense apart from the brackets was said to me, and the brackets part was entirely true but not said.

People like that are NOT your friends. Their self-inflicted problems are NOT your problems. And they're solvable, so far as you're concerned, with one two-letter word. That word is "No."

Blimey, that's even worse!! Not even pretending she's going to pay it back!

So you text :

"No, Jane I can't do that I'm afraid."

" Sorry Jane I can't help you."
"I can't Jane sorry."
"The answer's No Jane. Please don't ask again."

Don't go into detail, don't get caught up in elaborate excuses, No is the answer to her question and that's that.

Loaning a friend money can be the quickest way to lose a friendship.
Putting in boundaries can also lead to a lost friendship but at least you wouldn't be £5000 down as well.

Threatening suicide is a common manipulation tactic. Ditch this "friend", she is a user and you deserve better people in your life.

And the words here are great. Learn them by heart.

Don't say you don't want to bail her out. Say you can't. (Even if you can.) There is a difference.

Absolutely this. Do not give her the opportunity to come back with “it’s just for a while”.

You could tell her that it is in a long term account that you cannot touch.

This!

I know it's easy to talk tough on here and I do often find myself rolling my eyes at all the "I'd tell them to bugger off" posts from people who probs wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life.

But that said, I'm pretty good nowadays at suppressing that people pleaser element I used to have and I think the key is to have some phrases prepared. You already know that she wouldn't help you in the same situation so with that in mind I'd not feel guilty. I'd just say something like "sorry, I've put it in an ISA" and move on.

Say it nice and breezy, not defensively, but also not apologetically. If she pushes then I'd probs be tempted to say something like "I've really struggled with money these past few years and there wasn't anybody able to help me out, so I need to keep a buffer just in case". That should make the point.

Ultimately, she wants you to trade your financial security for hers.

I'm joining the chorus of voices advising you not to lend her money because you will never see it again. Frankly, I'm at a loss to understand how she has lots of debt given all she has to pay for is food and for her car running costs. She has a cheek even asking you!

Don't give her a penny. You will never get it back and it's a lot of money to lose. As others have said if it makes it easier to refuse her, say the money has already been spent on paying back debts or whatever. Not that you need an excuse to turn down a cheeky fucker who is taking the piss.

She’s not your friend. Say no obviously

This situation comes up on here a lot and the answer is always (rightly) “do not lend it” and “your friend is a cheeky fucker”.

You are not a bank. Never lend money to friends, ever ever ever. Give them food if they’re starving, that’s about as far as you should go.

She shouldn’t have asked.
.

Do not engage at all. Blank her, and block all ways of commumicating. Otherwise no matter what you say she will plead, admonish, mock, manipulate every single time. The friendship is over anyway and thats a good thing, getting rid of excess baggage will help your mental health no end.

@OhMyLantern did you tell her how much you got as a payment? If not say you had to repay your parents and now it will be really tight until you start your new job.

If you told her the amount and what is left after repaying your parents, just say unfortunately you can't help as you won't have job security for some time. You need to use that money to cover costs until you start work and keep aside the rest as you don't currently have job security.

Whilst OP can just say no and not elaborate, it sounds like she will find that hard to do and the friend will harangue her so having a reason why not will help

Can your parents safeguard the money for you? If that won't cause its own problems of course.
If your friend is in debt, why does she have a new car? She can sell it! My sister lives in a £1.5m house no mortgage, and drives a small old Fiat. She's sensible. Your friend is a greedy so and so.

Please do NOT lend ANY money to anyone. Congratulations to you with your new job that’s wonderful news. Big hugs and Happy New Year to you, look after yourself. 👍👏👏

You need to summon up an inner RAGE at this bloody parasite!
She is not your friend. She is preying on you at your most vulnerable for no reason other than she doesn’t want to pay back money for all the luxuries she has enjoyed while you have been on the bones of your arse.
Which she couldn’t even be bothered to support you with emotionally

Dont give reasons, just say no.