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Original poster

To be upset my friend asked me for 5K?

365 replies

OhMyLantern · 29/12/2025 15:44

I’ve recently been through hell. I was bullied really badly by my manager, regarding my disability and it was well documented. I ended up having to leave my job and my mental health really suffered. I had no job to go to so ended up borrowing £5000 from my own mum and dad to cover my bills while I searched for a new job. Me and my employer recently settled outside of tribunal and I got £18,000. Again, it’s a nice amount but given I nearly lost my life through suicide and the stress it’s put me under it doesn’t feel like a win at all. I’m only just now rebuilding my confidence again.

I’ve paid back my parents, and luckily start a new job next month but will have to cover my bills until then. My best friend has however asked me for £5000 to help with her debts as they’re getting her down and she says she’s struggling to cope and feels suicidal . These are self inflicted debts by the way, think new nails, new car, holidays. She also lives with her dad and only pays for their food shopping and no bills, and earns around 2K a month so I don’t know how she’s racked up so much and even then, can’t pay it.

I'm also feeling bitter because when I was struggling for money and really on my bones, my friend didn’t even offer me a food shop or anything else. Hated listening about what was happening at work and brushed it off. Never offered any advice and always turned the conversation to herself.

I know I need to say no, that I don’t want to bail her out- but I don’t know how. I feel like I’m being unreasonable even though I’m not and I know I’d never see that money again. She hasn’t always been a bad friend as such, she does drive long hours to come see me and has done lots of little house jobs for me before.

OP posts:
Catladywithoutacat · 30/12/2025 05:02

Sorry just read you’re taking everyone advice, I would distance myself from her as well, that is a disrespect to ask someone that I don’t think she is a friend and will probably steal from you over envy

Catladywithoutacat · 30/12/2025 04:57

I’ve heard the suicidal and pay back chats, they NEVER pay you back and you ALWAYS become the bad guy, suddenly you did this to them so they aren’t paying you.

I long ago asked for advice on here regarding lending money to a relative, I didn’t listen. 10years later I still don’t have the money back and this was also 5k.

do not do it.

Nearly50omg · 30/12/2025 04:08

Larose123 · 29/12/2025 19:12

Honestly, if you want to stay friends with her, I would tell her you have spent most of the money. Say you used to pay back all your multiple (fictional) debts. Offer to pay for a food shop for her. That way you are still offering support but making your boundaries clear

Point out you were in a far worse position and she didn’t even want to talk to you about it let alone help! She isn’t a friend she’s a leach! Any money you gave her you know she wouldn’t pay any debts off just use it to spend on herself!

ActiveTiger · 30/12/2025 03:17

Nope I would not be giving to a friend, a good friend wouldn't even ask...keep it for a rainy day or should you need it another time for bills and good on you for paying parents back exactly what I did a few years ago when had to borrow 3 months rent upfront , then paid back soon as I got a job. Some in my extended family think borrowing means to keep it and causes so much agro

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/12/2025 03:06

GreyBeeplus3 · 29/12/2025 16:34

She's no 'friend'
She's done those 'long car trips' and 'little jobs' expecting that one day she'd get something in return for being a 'friend' and that something is the sum of £5000
Even you've acknowledged that she's bad with money and has no serious outgoings so you know you'll not get a penny back citing your 'friendship' as been more important than mere money
Tell her no and say you borrowed much, much more than anticipated from your parents and they want their money back.So she will just have to suck her own debt up like the rest of us do
I would even say she may have been your 'friend' because you've described yourself as disabled and it made her look good
I hate to say that, but I've a disabled relation and people love to patronise what they see as an underdog. Believe me
Also Good Luck in your new job my Love!
Go get that Happiness!!

This, op @OhMyLantern

I'd be very circumscept and light...

I wouldn't treat such an outrageous request seriously..
She honestly thinks you would want to GIVE her 5k?? ...😁..

No doubt so she can generously 'negotiate' ... Ah I could come down to 4.5k or 3k? .so your thoughts are anchored on several thousand...

So, I'd go with something like.... (don't worry about stretching the truth with these chancers...

"Oh nope! ... Sorry I can't give you any money, (tinkly laugh) .. ... Have had to pay my parents back loads... I hadn't realised it had got so much.... and then I had that high credit card bill... Bloody hell doesn't it add up... (refise to be drawn on the figures...).... Bloody hell who does have dosh these days?! ! Think you need to get a sugar daddy with a heart condition!! Ha ha'

Your goal is to bat it back, don't get involved in any' discussion '... Change the subject... Set an alarm on your phone so she thinks you're taking a lengthy call in another room..

Anything to disrupt her...

Just don't treat this as worthy if a serious conversation...

Crochetandtea · 30/12/2025 02:43

*Dick not sock ??

Crochetandtea · 30/12/2025 02:42

Tell her you are repaying your parents and then putting the rest into long term savings so you have a solid buffer for any future rainy days. She’d have to be an absolute sock to want your rainy day fund to pay for her nails etc. Shut down any mention of money at every opportunity.

HomeTheatreSystem · 30/12/2025 02:35

If you think saying no will be uncomfortable imagine how you'd feel giving her the money, knowing you'll never see it again and watching her build her debt back up again frittering it away on the same old shit. By that stage you'll not want to see her ever again. Keep the money for a rainy day, tell her you'll help her sort a debt management plan and draw up a budget so she can control her spending once she's sorted. She's living at home earning £2k so she can get herself out of this without resorting to helping herself to your money.

hardhatson · 30/12/2025 02:12

I’d play her at her own game and give her a taste of her own medicine. I’d say omg I feel the same, I have loads of debt to pay off and feel suicidal too. So hope you understand that I need to sort myself out first and already paid towards my own debt. And I’d egg on the impact to your health a lot where she has no pushback bc if she says the same thing it would look weird that she’s pushing you to give her money when you’re experiencing the same thing

cocog · 30/12/2025 02:09

Tell her you need to pay your debts and the rest of the money is accounted for and you won’t be lending any money out. Or you have invested it all.

aloris · 30/12/2025 01:27

OhMyLantern · 29/12/2025 19:10

Thank you all. I won’t be lending her anything. Had the whole spiel of “if I was in the same situation and you needed it, I’d do it without hesitation” which is a very easy thing for her to say considering she’s not.

But you were and she didn't.

Makingadecision · 29/12/2025 22:54

She’s not your friend. Don’t lend her money

AcquadiP · 29/12/2025 22:49

OhMyLantern · 29/12/2025 19:10

Thank you all. I won’t be lending her anything. Had the whole spiel of “if I was in the same situation and you needed it, I’d do it without hesitation” which is a very easy thing for her to say considering she’s not.

The right decision.

She didn't put her hand in her pocket to help you out in any way shape or form when you were penniless.

I just tell her I'd invested the money as a lump sum in a private pension with my bank and had no means of withdrawing it. You could also suggest she seeks free debt advice from Payplan or Stepchange.

She doesn't sound much of a friend to be honest.

blubberyboo · 29/12/2025 22:33

If she isnt even planning on paying you back its probably because shes already imagining her next purchases once your money clears her credit cards. Or a gambler

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 29/12/2025 22:19

Oh, no i can't help you. It's in a high interest bond & inaccessible for several years.

Kazzaa46 · 29/12/2025 22:07

She’s pounced on you the minute she found out you had a bit of money and no you won’t see that money again and you certainly can’t afford to lose it.

I point blank will not lend money to anyone now. I’ve lent money 4 times in the past to friends/family and only one of them ever paid me back. The stress of chasing repayments was horrible and it caused bad feelings and I promised myself never again.

OnTheBoardwalk · 29/12/2025 22:00

Not the same but a bit similar

I was offered redundancy many years ago this was common knowledge. The vast number of randoms at my firm coming up and asking me how much I was getting was ridiculous

as was the number of randoms and some friends asking me for a 'loan' it was a big nope from me. People get greedy for your money

obviously just tell her no and nothing more. I don’t think your friendship will survive this but I don’t think it will be a big loss for you.

unsync · 29/12/2025 21:55

Presumably she's not local if she has to drive hours to see you? I'd just block her on everything. She's not really a true friend. This is not how friends behave.

CalzoneOnLegs · 29/12/2025 21:39

If she was your true friend she’d not ask. She’s a scrounger and you made a mistake telling her. She won’t pay you back a penny either so just no OP. NO Op. please don’t do it.

good luck in your new role

Beeinalily · 29/12/2025 21:34

OhMyLantern · 29/12/2025 19:10

Thank you all. I won’t be lending her anything. Had the whole spiel of “if I was in the same situation and you needed it, I’d do it without hesitation” which is a very easy thing for her to say considering she’s not.

And I don't suppose for a moment that you'd ask, would you? The last big Mumsnet CF of the year, I think.

bananafake · 29/12/2025 21:34

Once they get the money they’ll feel they are entitled to it and you are unreasonable to ask for it back. No one who’s a real friend would ask for a loan/gift in these circumstances. You need the money more than they do. Stay strong.

Astra53 · 29/12/2025 21:26

My dad always told me that if you lent anyone money don't ever expect to get it back! Please do not give your friend any money. She has a track record of not being able to manage her finances. She will not repay you.

TattyBluebell · 29/12/2025 21:25

No way! Don't do it!

NoisyViewer · 29/12/2025 21:18

Only lend money you’re happy to not have back. I doubt very much you’d be happy to say goodbye to 5k. Say you don’t have it & you’ve locked the money away in an isa & you can’t access it

Whatwouldnanado · 29/12/2025 21:15

Absolutely not. And be busy next time she asks to see you. Time for a fresh start all round. Good luck x

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