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Original poster

To be upset my friend asked me for 5K?

365 replies

OhMyLantern · 29/12/2025 15:44

I’ve recently been through hell. I was bullied really badly by my manager, regarding my disability and it was well documented. I ended up having to leave my job and my mental health really suffered. I had no job to go to so ended up borrowing £5000 from my own mum and dad to cover my bills while I searched for a new job. Me and my employer recently settled outside of tribunal and I got £18,000. Again, it’s a nice amount but given I nearly lost my life through suicide and the stress it’s put me under it doesn’t feel like a win at all. I’m only just now rebuilding my confidence again.

I’ve paid back my parents, and luckily start a new job next month but will have to cover my bills until then. My best friend has however asked me for £5000 to help with her debts as they’re getting her down and she says she’s struggling to cope and feels suicidal . These are self inflicted debts by the way, think new nails, new car, holidays. She also lives with her dad and only pays for their food shopping and no bills, and earns around 2K a month so I don’t know how she’s racked up so much and even then, can’t pay it.

I'm also feeling bitter because when I was struggling for money and really on my bones, my friend didn’t even offer me a food shop or anything else. Hated listening about what was happening at work and brushed it off. Never offered any advice and always turned the conversation to herself.

I know I need to say no, that I don’t want to bail her out- but I don’t know how. I feel like I’m being unreasonable even though I’m not and I know I’d never see that money again. She hasn’t always been a bad friend as such, she does drive long hours to come see me and has done lots of little house jobs for me before.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhMyLantern · 29/12/2025 16:16

She’s never even said lend. There’s no indication that it’ll ever be paid back. I just feel so sad she’s even asked and put me in this position and because I’m lacking confidence at the moment I’m struggling to install boundaries that I normally would.

OP posts:
Isayitasitis · 29/12/2025 16:16

Absolutely do not lend her it.

Money brings out the worst in the people and you will never see it again.

Tell her you have it tied up in accounts you can't get it out of, like investments if you feel you want to save face.

But personally I'd just tell her, I'm sorry that doesn't work for me.

When the chips were down, where was she? Sod that.

Beezz · 29/12/2025 16:16

Why does she think you have a spare £5k? Did you tell her how much you got as a settlement from work?

JustMyView13 · 29/12/2025 16:15

Only lend what you’re prepared to lose. MN is full of friendships destroyed by this sort of thing, whereby the person never sees their money again.
Don’t explain yourself - just simply - No, I’m not able to lend you money. However, I can recommend reaching out to Citizens Advice if you need support, they can put you in touch with debt advisors who can help with debt consolidation etc.

Chiefangel · 29/12/2025 16:15

You shouldn’t have told her you’d got the 18,000.
I never discuss financial matters with my friends or family.
Don’t lend her the money, you will never see it again. If she’s a true friend she will accept that you tell her no and that is the end of it. You have been through enough stress.

TwistedWonder · 29/12/2025 16:14

Wrenjay · 29/12/2025 16:05

Just say NO: Do not elaborate, just say NO.

Agree. No elaboration definitely no made up excuses just say no.

Laundryblue · 29/12/2025 16:13

When did 'lend' become 'give me'?

AlwaysTheRenegade · 29/12/2025 16:13

Sorry, I can't, it's all gone on my own debts.

Do you think she is suicidal over these debts? Or could she be guilt tripping you as you've been through that? Sounds pretty manipulative.

I hope you have a really good new year, sounds like you've been through a lot.

coconutchocolatecream · 29/12/2025 16:12

She's not really a friend to put you in this awkward spot. I'd be phasing her out if she reacts negatively at all to your refusal—and honestly, maybe even if she doesn't. I can't be dealing with people who ask ridiculous things of me.

HipHopDontYouStop · 29/12/2025 16:11

Don’t ever tell people if you come into money.

That way you can avoid scenarios like this.

That way you can discreetly help those you want to or can help.

Skybluepinky · 29/12/2025 16:11

Kick her to the kerb, you deserve better friends not users.

Middlemarch123 · 29/12/2025 16:10

Don’t make excuses, just say no, I’m not able to help, I’m still getting myself straight. And repeat as necessary.
And fade her out, you need radiators in your life OP, not drains.

bridgetreilly · 29/12/2025 16:10

Say no. Suggest she looks at debt counselling such as CAP.

SumUp · 29/12/2025 16:09

Don’t lie to her. No need to be cruel.

Say something like,

”Hey friend, I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. Lending you money is not an option, but here are some links / phone numbers for mental health and debt management support.”

And distance yourself if you need to. Confide in your parents for accountability and more real life support. She is not your responsibility.

Ellie1015 · 29/12/2025 16:07

"No, I can't afford that. I have my own debts and expenses until first payday at new job. You should look at money saving expert for advice on paying/consolidating debt. Good luck with it"

gamerchick · 29/12/2025 16:06

Tell her the money's been paid back for what you borrowed during your time of uncertainty and you don't have 5grand spare. Tell her you hope she gets sorted soon.

Don't talk about finances with people, it never ends well.

BillieWiper · 29/12/2025 16:06

Well you don't have it to spare and even if you did you are not a bank.

I'd be mortified someone would have the audacity to ask me for this. Even if I was a multimillionaire.

Well, I guess in that case if I could afford to lose it I might. But probably not just because it is too much of an imposition. A balance of power would be shifted.

Just say no. And do not ask me again as it's embarrassing and uncomfortable for me.

ReturnToRiding · 29/12/2025 16:06

Just tell her you’ve spent it all on your own debts. Then make new friends because she’s not one if she wasn’t there for you when you were struggling

myhaggisblewup · 29/12/2025 16:05

toomuchfaff · 29/12/2025 15:57

No is a full sentence. But if youre struggling with that, Give her £100. Thats affordable but it could have the effect that she stays away from you because she owes you money; and if she doesn't stay awak and asks again, then you've got the absolute gold excuse of "you've not paid me back the £100 i lent you, so why would I give you any more?"

And drop her like a hot stone because she is a leach.

Don't give her a penny, she'll keep coming back for more. She's not a friend.
£100 is a lot if you haven't got it in the first place.

Wrenjay · 29/12/2025 16:05

Just say NO: Do not elaborate, just say NO.

Poppins2016 · 29/12/2025 16:04

You could tell a white lie... "I've invested the money and I can't access it for a fixed period".

GasPanic · 29/12/2025 16:03

Maybe a harsh lesson to learn, but a reminder that details of your financial affairs are best kept to yourself.

Jeschara · 29/12/2025 16:03

She is no friend, she did not bail you out, and her debt is self inflicted. You will not see that money again.
It's convient to say she is suicidal, she is a chancer and a grifter. You will not see that money again.
Please discuss this with your parents, as you are vunerable with everything that as happened, and this shameless person is taking advantage of that.
Please give her no money. I detest people like her.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/12/2025 16:01

Tell her you’ve put most of it in limited access savings accounts - you can’t touch it for 1/2/3 years. And the rest is needed for your own expenses.

Dollymylove · 29/12/2025 16:00

No way, she's got wind of your compo and wants a slice.
You wont see it again

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