To be upset my friend asked me for 5K?

Say no but offer to go through her finances with her and help her work out a budget and plan for her to repay her debts.

If you can't help maybe signpost her to online resources to help with this sort of thing. Money saving expert might be a good place to start.

OP, it’s a good sign you’ve posted on here to sound out us randoms as to whether we agree with your thinking ( as we do ).

Prepare yourself for the negotiation when you say No, sorry, can’t.
And your friend asks what can you loan or how about ‘just’ £3000.

Ultimately be prepared for the end of this friendship.

No. You haven’t obtained life changing lottery money, after paying your parents back you’ve essentially only got 13k. No idea what your outgoings are but presumably you’ll need to use another 2-3k to get you through until your first payday. That leaves you with 10k which is not the sort of money you can start lending out willy nilly. If your new job doesn’t work out because you don’t like it, or you get made redundant in the first two years and aren’t entitled to a pay out, then you’ll likely need the 10k as a safety net. Alternatively, you might want to buy a car/go on holiday/get a new sofa or whatever you fancy with it, that’s entirely up to you.

It’s not up to you to bail your friend out of a financial mess. The only advice I will give though is to not ever discuss finances in future. Realistically, you should be able to tell your friend that you’ve won your case and she should just be pleased for you that you’ve done so but the reality is that even the people you’re closest too can suddenly become convinced they’re entitled to money that isn’t theirs when they’ve got a sniff of it.

Say no, it's all accounted for like everyone else has said - you could tell her your parents have got it for safekeeping. But you could offer to work with her on things so you're supporting her the way she supported you? Eg meet up for walks or talk about what you can avoid spending money on to put it towards paying off debts? That might make you feel better about saying no - which you absolutely must do.

She isn't your friend. A friend wouldn't do this.

She is not your friend. She is a sponger. Emotional and financial.

No

She's not your friend. She's a user. Plenty of them in the world.

You need to up your boundaries.

She is not your best friend OP

OP I hope you havnt shared your financial details with friend as you have here. If you did it was a mistake you will know not to make in the future.

I would point out that you had to repay your parents and that you have other expenses as well. Your debts were the result of circumstances beyond your control. Your friend is living at home and has got into debt through fecklaes spending on inessentials like nails and holidays. I would suggest she asks her own parents for support or an organzation like Stepchange. They can help her with a debt repayment plan whereby her excess income is apportioned between her creditors and paid back at a pro rate rate.

I really relate to this — it’s so hard when someone asks for help but hasn’t shown up for you when you were struggling. I’ve been through that too. I’m currently on UC, dealing with an overpayment, going through repossession, and trying to get my 3‑year‑old tested for autism (and possibly myself too). I’ve had friends who didn’t offer a food shop, advice, or even emotional support when I was at rock bottom — and now they’re asking for help.

It’s okay to feel conflicted. You’re not being unreasonable at all. You’re allowed to protect your energy and your finances, especially when you know the help won’t be returned or respected. It doesn’t mean you’re unkind — it means you’re setting boundaries.

If you ever want to talk more about this kind of friendship stuff, I’m around. I’m trying to make new mum friends this year — people who understand the emotional and practical weight of doing life solo. DM me if you’d like to connect 💛.

Please, please, please say no!!!

Do not give her a penny - you know full well you will never see that money again. She doesn’t think of it as a loan, she clearly sees you as having had a nice little windfall and she wants a slice of it. Tell her you’ve used it for your own debts already. And stop telling her your personal business when it comes to money.

She needs to get one of those debt consolidation plans.

Say no, and time to find a new friend it sounds like.

What everyone else has said. And yes I would be upset that she asked.

There's a lot in your original post OP which suggests this isn't really about the money (although it is a huge ask of her) and it's more about how she has shown up for you in hard times, and maybe how you feel she doesn't 'see' the reality of the pain you've been through. If the money is a bit of a salve to your recent struggle, her asking for it perhaps feels like she doesn't get what you went through to be 'entitled' to it?

Either way, she's not wrong to ask for it and you are not wrong to say no.

I definitely would never pay off a friend's debt, mainly because money always changes a friendship dynamic and as other posters have noted, it's not your responsibility to bail her out of this.

My advice would be to stop over thinking your response, a kind 'sorry X but I need my compensation for other things. Hope you get something sorted soon' and move on, and as a separate course of action, take some time for yourself to think about what you want to use the money for to help build yourself back up. Maybe some counselling? A new hobby? A great holiday? A weekly massage for the next few months?

If you need more help with the wording you could post here and we can help?

Really sorry you've been through this - I know how awful workplace bullying can be. It's taken me about 2 years or so to get back on my feet since it happened to me and to feel normal again, but you will get there.

No. no. no. Please do not give her any money. You will never see it again.

If she was a decent friend she wouldn't be asking you for this amount of money.

If you can't face saying no, just make something up. Sorry, I have none spare I've invested it.

"I'm sorry, I don't have money spare to loan you. Have you tried contacting MABS etc to help you with your debt management?"

If she presses "No, I am not in a position to lend you money. That's the final answer"

If you lose your friendship then so be it

Respond with "if you book an appointment with a debt advisor at CAB, then I'll hold your hand for moral support. I don't have any money to lend, as I racked up debts when I was unemployed ".

I’d go for a five year one!

You owe it to yourself to put this boundary in.

If she pushes and argues against that boundary, it shows she was never your friend in the first place.

First step to stop being a people pleaser, is to say no. Good people respect boundaries. Users do not.

Say you’ve put it in a long term ISA and can’t touch it for a year. I’d just say no but that gives you an excuse.

The request for the money is CF.
The added suicidal threat is so manipulative that would be what I couldn’t get past.
If she is living with few expenses, tell her to do what you had to - ask a parent.
Just because a friend who is more able bodied visits you and has done a few off jobs it doesn’t mean they get to treat you like this.
When something similar happened to me I told the person I’d stashed the remains into my pension and even I couldn’t get at it.
And then I learned never to discuss money with anyone.

Say no, it’s in an account you can’t access, however how about reducing it each month by the amount you are going to repay me?

cos the bet would be she isn’t going to repay you

if she mentions suicide signpost her to l9cal organisations who can help with that

This