To be upset my friend asked me for 5K?

“I don’t have any spare money so there isn’t any I can lend.” That’s all you need to say. This is CFery of the highest order. £5k and she’s living at home, having her nails done, getting a car and going on holiday?!

I absolutely hate the suicide threats too. Her irresponsibility is on her and het alone: if she feels shit waking up to the bills for things she can’t afford then she should cut back on the luxuries. It’s disgustingly low of her to try to put pressure on you to lend money to bail her out or say she might she’ll kill herself. If it’s that bad, she can go to citizens advice and look at bankruptcy. She certainly wasn’t distraught about money while she was looking at hotels and having her nails buffed!

I wouldn’t even say you’ve lent it to someone or put it in an ISA etc as that may mean she keeps asking.

You need to just be a bit blunt and say no sorry you can’t lend her any money.

As a PP said, you do risk losing a friend but a true friend would not ask this of you and would not fall out with you over it.

Say "ooh this is awkward becasue actually I am in a bit of a pickle and was going to ask you if you could lend give me a grand"

I think you're actually sad because you've realised she isn't your friend and friends would never do that to someone......please don't give her the money just to clear the conflicted emotions she's created in you...

Tell her yiu can't, money is now tied up in a 12 month saver account

She lives with her dad and she’s in debt!!
I’d be telling her to jog on!!

I know you’re a nice person but you need to ask how she’s in so much debt if she only pays half of the bills.

Just say “sorry I can’t lend you any money”. And leave it at that. Don’t worry about coming across too harsh.
Do it through text if it’s easier.

Do it now if you would like and then we can help come up with a response if she replies.

OP, PLEASE come back on here and say you've said no to her. I've been in your position; I lent a similar amount of money to a "friend" against all the advice of other mutual friends (who had all been asked and had all refused) - I felt genuinely sorry for her and I'm the world's worst boundary-setter.

Well, guess what - they were right, I was wrong, and I'm still owed the money, which could have been much better spent, and I feel really stupid. Don't be me, OP.

A true friend would never have put you in this position. You've been through an awful time - you need rest and to heal, mentally. Don't let this ridiculous request take up any more of your emotional energy - it's not fair on you. Say "no" and then focus on you and your recovery.

By the way, have you told your parents about this? I bet they'd have a pretty strong view on what you should do!

You could say: I cannot lend you any money. I incurred debts during the very difficult time I have been having, and I need to get my own finances straight and put aside some savings before lending anyone else money. I suggest that rather than increasing your debts by borrowing more, you get advice from Stepchange about how to improve your situation.'
She may never speak to you again, but hey.

This alone should give you the strength to say no.

You may well lose this (pointless) friendship, but life will always bring you new and better friends.

What life wont do is repay your loan from someone who cant pay off what they owe now - she'll have NO way of paying you back.

Say no, block and ignore is the best strategy. And do NOT apologise to her!

Can you tell her you’ve invested it in an ISA you can’t touch fir a couple of years or given it to your mum to look after?

When there are pages of the same response I rarely add mine (if I agree) - but OP I am outraged in your behalf that this so called friend has put you on this position.
I am absolutely going to repeat what others have said, say no. You will NEVER see that money again!.

Just tell her that you don’t have that kind of money to hand, that it’s tied up and can’t be withdrawn. Or just say no. You don’t owe her an explanation for her cheeky request. But whatever you do choose to tell her, please let it start with No.

Don't lend her money. Tell her you've got major bills to pay off you need private care and the rest is put where you can't get to it without incurring big penalties. The answer is no. If she threatens suicide, call the police because it's either a psychiatric emergency needing immediate care or manipulation, which she can explain to the police.

She is NOT your best friend. She isn't a friend at all. She's a user. She didn't help you out at all when you were at your lowest. She could get a personal loan from a bank. If she can't, it's because she's a risk for not paying that money back. She 's hitting you up at a bad time and you will never see that money again.

Just tell her that you've had to pay your mum back so there is no money left.

She doesn't want your money to pay off her debts, she wants it to spend. Why should you give her nearly a third of your payout (and don't forget why you got it) for her to have her nails done?

She knows you've got money, she's got £ signs in her eyes and your money is burning a hole in her pocket. Tell her to ask her dad. From you, the answer is no - however you choose to phrase it and with NO guilt.

You absolutely know that this isn't the right thing for you to be doing now - I suspect your 'friend' knows it too.

“ no, that’s not something I can help with.”

No sorry, no explanation, clear and final. If she’s a friend she will accept this. Beyond entitled and completely unacceptable of her to ask.

Be strong OP xx

She's no 'friend'
She's done those 'long car trips' and 'little jobs' expecting that one day she'd get something in return for being a 'friend' and that something is the sum of £5000
Even you've acknowledged that she's bad with money and has no serious outgoings so you know you'll not get a penny back citing your 'friendship' as been more important than mere money
Tell her no and say you borrowed much, much more than anticipated from your parents and they want their money back.So she will just have to suck her own debt up like the rest of us do
I would even say she may have been your 'friend' because you've described yourself as disabled and it made her look good
I hate to say that, but I've a disabled relation and people love to patronise what they see as an underdog. Believe me
Also Good Luck in your new job my Love!
Go get that Happiness!!

No.

No is a full sentance. But if you feel you cant be that direct.

Im sorry, No I cant afford to i repay my own debts whilst ive been off work.

Or whatever lie makes you feel comfy

Just explain that you have no free money it is all committed, you can always hint about still paying off your own debts.

No - you’ve paid your parents back and you’ve spent the rest over paying your mortage/paid a years rent upfront to ease the stress of your disability incase you don’t get on with the new job so you don’t have it to give.

Just say no. Why would you help someone who didn’t help you?! You literally owe her nothing.

Tell her most of it has gone on paying off your debts and you’ve invested the small amount left and can’t access it.

Op, read back your first post, you said when you were low, she did not offer u financial help or emotional support (she did not want to speak about your work troubles); she’s no friend, sorry. Do not lend her any money, you need this; put it away as a safety net for a rainy day. Did u tell her u got a £18k payout?

Don’t lend her anything. She won’t ever give it back to you. She thinks she entitled to a slice of what she sees as your “good fortune”.

Im sorry to hear what happened to you, it sounds awful.

This friend does not sound like a good friend, I wouldn’t mourn her loss as a friend too much.

If you struggle with just saying a plain “no” then I think telling her it’s all gone is perfectly fine.

In this circumstance, especially if you are struggling with boundaries, a white lie is acceptable.. eg 'Im sorry.. i don't have that to spare'..
If pushed- ' I had had to borrow and have now repaid what I owed'
This is not a friend.. and therefore little loss if she doesn't take it well.