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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH being a complete arse!

58 replies

Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 14:17

Walking our two dogs today around a local field and rural road which is fairly busy. DH had one dog on a flexi lead and I had the other.
In the field, the the flexi leads were at their full length to allow the dogs to run around. As we were walking along the road, DH refused to rein in his flexi lead allowing the dog to run along the road. I asked him several time to rein him in as it was clearly a dangerous thing to do as he would have little control if the dog ran in front of a car our van. DH refused to do so saying it was safe! Several cars and a van went by including electric cars which are hard to hear.
When I asked him why he wouldn't listen to me the response was "Why, or why or why?" obviously belittling me. I then took hold of both dogs and struggled with them while another dog walker passed by with his dog. When I looked up DH was standing there laughing at me. I told him he was a complete arse and took the dogs into the house.
AIBU or is DH and arse?

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 29/12/2025 15:30

The dog wasn't on the road so why were you micromanaging your dh. I think yabu.

Original poster
Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 15:28

limegreenheart · 29/12/2025 14:59

Unless this is a situation where your husband dislikes the dogs and would be happy for them to come to harm, the issue seems to be that he thinks that the fully extended leads wouldn't be long enough to reach the flow of traffic (I assume that's obviously disprovable) OR that the dogs are so well trained there's no risk they would be hit. In that case, he probably thinks your approach is too cautious and while that's OK for you and the dog you're walking, he's not going to let you impose it on him.

The question is, why can't he just tell you this and discuss rationally whether the leads really need to be retracted, instead of making stupid passive-aggressive jokes and laughing? It must have been clear that you were distressed; even if didn't agree with your perception of the situation, why would that be funny to him?

Because he's an arrogant arse!

OP posts:
Gunz · 29/12/2025 15:25

Dunnocantthinkofone · 29/12/2025 14:49

Sadly I’ve seen many instances where the locking mechanism has failed. No way would I trust a flexi on roads fir that reason

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Yep - had the experience of somebody who had an Alsatian on a flex lead - guy thought it was locked. Dog managed to run across the road on the flex lead to try to get to my Cocker Spaniel - knocked me down in the process - lucky it was not hurt. Really not designed for walking along the road or large dogs,

ManyPigeons · 29/12/2025 15:23

LemaxObsessive · 29/12/2025 14:46

Don’t be ridiculous! Harnesses are far better especially when used in a car. If you do an emergency stop with their seatbelt attached to a collar (a dog seatbelt is now a legal requirement) it will hang the bloody dog 🙄 Collars should be banned

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i have a dog… I don’t have a car. So I don’t particularly see why I shouldn’t be allowed to use a collar on my dog who hates harnesses. Not everyone drives

Ellie56 · 29/12/2025 15:04

Your so called "D"H is a stupid twat, but I guess you know that already.

icallshade · 29/12/2025 15:03

LemaxObsessive · 29/12/2025 14:46

Don’t be ridiculous! Harnesses are far better especially when used in a car. If you do an emergency stop with their seatbelt attached to a collar (a dog seatbelt is now a legal requirement) it will hang the bloody dog 🙄 Collars should be banned

Show quote history

My truck is fitted with animal transit boxes for my dogs ie individual crates. No harness or collar required. I'll give you a harness required if needing to secure in a vehicle but absolutely not needed for a walk. Harnesses encourage pulling. Slip leads all the way.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 29/12/2025 15:03

Gelflink · 29/12/2025 14:54

I completely agree with you, we do hold the lead on the actual lead part as well as handle. Maybe I am overly cautious but I would be devastated if anything happened to our dog if it failed. I suppose if I had more than one dog I would need to consider switching to a fixed lead. But yes, you are correct, I have seen this happen as well.

Show quote history

Not wanting to scare you but I’ve also personally had one snap through where it attaches to the clip - it’s susceptible due to the swivel motion. As I only use them for places where most dogs can be offlead(one of mine is deaf) it did no harm. In a road however……

Daisymay8 · 29/12/2025 15:02

Men can be utter prat’s when it comes to dogs or kids - of course they will instantly do as I command -I’m a big macho man hero.

HipHopDontYouStop · 29/12/2025 15:01

Another dickhead in a woman’s life. Christ. So many out there.

limegreenheart · 29/12/2025 14:59

Unless this is a situation where your husband dislikes the dogs and would be happy for them to come to harm, the issue seems to be that he thinks that the fully extended leads wouldn't be long enough to reach the flow of traffic (I assume that's obviously disprovable) OR that the dogs are so well trained there's no risk they would be hit. In that case, he probably thinks your approach is too cautious and while that's OK for you and the dog you're walking, he's not going to let you impose it on him.

The question is, why can't he just tell you this and discuss rationally whether the leads really need to be retracted, instead of making stupid passive-aggressive jokes and laughing? It must have been clear that you were distressed; even if didn't agree with your perception of the situation, why would that be funny to him?

DH being a complete arse!
TeenLifeMum · 29/12/2025 14:57

I honestly think I’d be single if it weren’t for my dh; so many of them add nothing to their wives’ lives.

Gelflink · 29/12/2025 14:54

Dunnocantthinkofone · 29/12/2025 14:49

Sadly I’ve seen many instances where the locking mechanism has failed. No way would I trust a flexi on roads fir that reason

Show quote history

I completely agree with you, we do hold the lead on the actual lead part as well as handle. Maybe I am overly cautious but I would be devastated if anything happened to our dog if it failed. I suppose if I had more than one dog I would need to consider switching to a fixed lead. But yes, you are correct, I have seen this happen as well.

Twinkletoes127 · 29/12/2025 14:50

Yabu for parenting your husband

Dunnocantthinkofone · 29/12/2025 14:49

Gelflink · 29/12/2025 14:47

We use flexi on a field and then shorten him when off the field. That is a completely normal and safe way to behave. We never let ours off lead as he cannot be trusted to recall despite many training attempts with a professional. But even if he did, I doubt we would let him off nowadays as other dogs off lead can be a bit of a issue. Only time he is off is when we hire out the dog park. So the flexi lead gives him a little freedom to sniff about etc. Your comment is ridiculous

Show quote history

Sadly I’ve seen many instances where the locking mechanism has failed. No way would I trust a flexi on roads fir that reason

Gelflink · 29/12/2025 14:47

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 29/12/2025 14:28

YABU to have flexi leads at all but your husband is also an arse

We use flexi on a field and then shorten him when off the field. That is a completely normal and safe way to behave. We never let ours off lead as he cannot be trusted to recall despite many training attempts with a professional. But even if he did, I doubt we would let him off nowadays as other dogs off lead can be a bit of a issue. Only time he is off is when we hire out the dog park. So the flexi lead gives him a little freedom to sniff about etc. Your comment is ridiculous

LemaxObsessive · 29/12/2025 14:46

icallshade · 29/12/2025 14:37

Flexi-leads are used when a dog isn't adequately trained. I don't mean that to sound rude but if you trusted your dogs recall you'd let them off a lead in a field.
I find they also encourage dogs to pull on the lead too, and people tend to attach them to a harness which has absolutely no place unless your dog is a husky being used to pull sled.

Edited
Show quote history

Don’t be ridiculous! Harnesses are far better especially when used in a car. If you do an emergency stop with their seatbelt attached to a collar (a dog seatbelt is now a legal requirement) it will hang the bloody dog 🙄 Collars should be banned

LemaxObsessive · 29/12/2025 14:43

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 29/12/2025 14:28

YABU to have flexi leads at all but your husband is also an arse

Oh grow up! Flexi leads are brilliant when used CORRECTLY!

LadyTable · 29/12/2025 14:40

I think what people are missing is that the OP was replying to...

YABU to have flexi leads at all but your husband is also an arse

The 'at all' bit?

LadyTable · 29/12/2025 14:38

Dunnocantthinkofone · 29/12/2025 14:37

Nothing! But you weren’t in the field at the time, you were on the road
I (dog trainer) use flexi leads but never, EVER on a pavement. The dogs should be swapped to a short lead in leaving the field

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Lol isn't that the whole point of the OP's thread??

WhistPie · 29/12/2025 14:38

Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 14:34

What's wrong with having flexi leads in a field?

Show quote history

The problem is having a flexi lead walking to & from a field

Dunnocantthinkofone · 29/12/2025 14:37

Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 14:34

What's wrong with having flexi leads in a field?

Show quote history

Nothing! But you weren’t in the field at the time, you were on the road
I (dog trainer) use flexi leads but never, EVER on a pavement. The dogs should be swapped to a short lead in leaving the field

Original poster
Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 14:37

TotallyAddictedToCoffee · 29/12/2025 14:29

As someone who nearly ran over a dog on a retractable lead that got spooked and ran out in front of my car - I say YANBU!! I also had to take a poor dog to the vet after it was run over when it's owner failed to notice it had crossed the road without her. A car then came along, snagged the lead and dragged the poor dog under the wheel - the dog didn't survive....

They should be banned except for use on fields/far FAR away from roads

Is your "D"H always such an arse?

I 'm really sorry to hear this and that you and the dog had to dog through this awful experience due to someone's stupidity!

OP posts:
icallshade · 29/12/2025 14:37

Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 14:34

What's wrong with having flexi leads in a field?

Show quote history

Flexi-leads are used when a dog isn't adequately trained. I don't mean that to sound rude but if you trusted your dogs recall you'd let them off a lead in a field.
I find they also encourage dogs to pull on the lead too, and people tend to attach them to a harness which has absolutely no place unless your dog is a husky being used to pull sled.

Original poster
Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 14:35

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 29/12/2025 14:30

Is this nornal behaviour for him ? Why have you managed to marry this numpty? Or is he having some mental breakdown?

Good point! I told him that he was acting like a demented fool!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 14:34

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 29/12/2025 14:28

YABU to have flexi leads at all but your husband is also an arse

What's wrong with having flexi leads in a field?

OP posts: