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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH being a complete arse!

58 replies

Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 14:17

Walking our two dogs today around a local field and rural road which is fairly busy. DH had one dog on a flexi lead and I had the other.
In the field, the the flexi leads were at their full length to allow the dogs to run around. As we were walking along the road, DH refused to rein in his flexi lead allowing the dog to run along the road. I asked him several time to rein him in as it was clearly a dangerous thing to do as he would have little control if the dog ran in front of a car our van. DH refused to do so saying it was safe! Several cars and a van went by including electric cars which are hard to hear.
When I asked him why he wouldn't listen to me the response was "Why, or why or why?" obviously belittling me. I then took hold of both dogs and struggled with them while another dog walker passed by with his dog. When I looked up DH was standing there laughing at me. I told him he was a complete arse and took the dogs into the house.
AIBU or is DH and arse?

OP posts:
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Gardenquestion22 · 02/04/2026 11:43

Yes swap to a fixed lead when near roads. I see so many people walking their dogs on flexi leads alongside busy roads, and sometimes with the dog away at full stretch. Idiots.

Also, invest in some training for lead walking, it made a fantastic difference to us

We do use a flexi lead occasionally but only on paths where we might find sheep (if we know there are sheep we use a fixed lead) but there are a couple of regular walks where the sheep are 99% of the time round the other side of the hill so a flex lead is fine.

endofthelinefinally · 02/04/2026 11:38

He sounds nasty.
Do not have children with this man, he will make your life a misery.

The13thFairy · 02/04/2026 11:26

mamabeth · 29/12/2025 14:26

Sorry, your husband is a massive cock.
I utterly despise the laughing thing as a way to belittle someone and I'd have to have a conversation as to how the days events made me feel.

He already knows how she feels. That's why he did it.

AmyDudley · 01/04/2026 19:25

posted on wrong thread.

MoonlightMemories · 30/12/2025 10:03

Screenager · 29/12/2025 16:49

I was nearly clothes lined by a retractable lead when on my bike recently.

Genuinely don’t see the point of them

I walk to and from work most days and the amount of times I've nearly been tripped up by someone both not using one of these leashes properly, or their dog tries to run up to me at the speed of light, often not listening to recall commands and the owner does absolutely nothing (despite it being well within their ability to simply just make the lead shorter). I just really don't quite understand the point in them either to be honest!

Original poster
Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 21:52

WhistPie · 29/12/2025 15:58

Actually, I took calcium supplements until I had a medical where it was discovered that I had too much calcium and the doctor told me to come off them. You should have your calcium levels checked to see if you need supplements. Vitamin D you probably do need in winter.

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Thanks for the heads up!

OP posts:
Screenager · 29/12/2025 16:49

I was nearly clothes lined by a retractable lead when on my bike recently.

Genuinely don’t see the point of them

Eyeshadow · 29/12/2025 16:45

I would end my relationship if someone intentionally put my pets or DC in danger.

Terrribletwos · 29/12/2025 16:23

Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 16:16

Sorry, I should have made it clear that the road we were on is a country road with no footpaths and as far as the width is concerned there is just about enough room for two oncoming cars to pass.

Oh and DH never likes to discuss anything.
After an argument, waits to see if I've cooled down. If not, he'll walk off and come back later to see how the land lies but will rarely discuss anything!

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@Sam9769 so it's not really about the dog?

vanillalattes · 29/12/2025 16:21

LemaxObsessive · 29/12/2025 15:46

Absolute nonsense! We’ve had the same flexi lead for 22 years and it’s never once failed with both big dogs and small ones. It’s even been used with my brother’s collie/lab cross and never given in.

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I'm not sure what point you're trying to make - that you've been lucky so flexi leads aren't dangerous? Confused

Original poster
Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 16:16

limegreenheart · 29/12/2025 14:59

Unless this is a situation where your husband dislikes the dogs and would be happy for them to come to harm, the issue seems to be that he thinks that the fully extended leads wouldn't be long enough to reach the flow of traffic (I assume that's obviously disprovable) OR that the dogs are so well trained there's no risk they would be hit. In that case, he probably thinks your approach is too cautious and while that's OK for you and the dog you're walking, he's not going to let you impose it on him.

The question is, why can't he just tell you this and discuss rationally whether the leads really need to be retracted, instead of making stupid passive-aggressive jokes and laughing? It must have been clear that you were distressed; even if didn't agree with your perception of the situation, why would that be funny to him?

Sorry, I should have made it clear that the road we were on is a country road with no footpaths and as far as the width is concerned there is just about enough room for two oncoming cars to pass.

Oh and DH never likes to discuss anything.
After an argument, waits to see if I've cooled down. If not, he'll walk off and come back later to see how the land lies but will rarely discuss anything!

OP posts:
howdoibegin · 29/12/2025 16:13

This sounds very much like something my DH would have done. There were so many small episodes of conflict like that - god forbid someone (me) spoke up about a situation. The refusal to consider that I could possibly have a reasonable point, and the smirking and belittling - it was absolutely exhausting. We got divorced earlier this year and every time I read a post like yours, I can feel the sheer relief washing over me. You are definitely not being unreasonable. Your poor dogs, I hope they stay safe!

myhaggisblewup · 29/12/2025 15:59

OP not sure which are the bigger knobs on here, your h or some of the posters on here.

WhistPie · 29/12/2025 15:58

Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 15:53

Yes, not too far off!
For example, I recently suggested taking a calcium and vitamin D tablet daily.
He poo pooed the idea saying that too much calcium is bad for you.
Anyway, I was at the GP for something else but brought the packet of tablets and asked her if it would be good for us to take them.
She said yes, one a day. Now, he's taking it.
What would I knowI also strongly suspect that if one of the neighbours suggested that he used a short lead on the road he'd do it without question.

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Actually, I took calcium supplements until I had a medical where it was discovered that I had too much calcium and the doctor told me to come off them. You should have your calcium levels checked to see if you need supplements. Vitamin D you probably do need in winter.

BoxingDayBoxers · 29/12/2025 15:58

OP, is his name Noel? 😉

Original poster
Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 15:57

tripleginandtonic · 29/12/2025 15:30

The dog wasn't on the road so why were you micromanaging your dh. I think yabu.

The dog was on the road and cars and vans were passing by, that's why I asked him to shorten the lead but he knows better until something really bad happens!
How is asking him to shorten the lead micro managing??
Believe me, the last thing I want to do is manage him.
That would be a total nightmare!

OP posts:
myhaggisblewup · 29/12/2025 15:55

We have a stupid woman who walks two dogs on flexi leads through a residental area.
She's stupid because one is about 15 feet in front of her and the other a similar distance behind whilst she walks along she gawps at her phone. No fucking control at all over her animals.

Original poster
Sam9769 · 29/12/2025 15:53

Fiftyandme · 29/12/2025 15:40

Let me guess - this is his normal way of treating you?

Yes, not too far off!
For example, I recently suggested taking a calcium and vitamin D tablet daily.
He poo pooed the idea saying that too much calcium is bad for you.
Anyway, I was at the GP for something else but brought the packet of tablets and asked her if it would be good for us to take them.
She said yes, one a day. Now, he's taking it.
What would I knowI also strongly suspect that if one of the neighbours suggested that he used a short lead on the road he'd do it without question.

OP posts:
Dunnocantthinkofone · 29/12/2025 15:53

LemaxObsessive · 29/12/2025 15:46

Absolute nonsense! We’ve had the same flexi lead for 22 years and it’s never once failed with both big dogs and small ones. It’s even been used with my brother’s collie/lab cross and never given in.

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Right….so because it hasn’t happened to you, it’s not a possibility then?
Or in fact something that several of us here have first hand experience of 🙄

LemaxObsessive · 29/12/2025 15:46

Gunz · 29/12/2025 15:25

Yep - had the experience of somebody who had an Alsatian on a flex lead - guy thought it was locked. Dog managed to run across the road on the flex lead to try to get to my Cocker Spaniel - knocked me down in the process - lucky it was not hurt. Really not designed for walking along the road or large dogs,

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Absolute nonsense! We’ve had the same flexi lead for 22 years and it’s never once failed with both big dogs and small ones. It’s even been used with my brother’s collie/lab cross and never given in.

stayathomegardener · 29/12/2025 15:40

Your H is an idiot so treat him like one and bin both flexi leads.

We do use them but take short leads too and use those for any roads or transitions.

Fiftyandme · 29/12/2025 15:40

Let me guess - this is his normal way of treating you?

Yourlifeinyourhands · 29/12/2025 15:38

WTF is wrong with him?

Cherrysoup · 29/12/2025 15:36

Your Dh risked the safety of the dog and also of drivers who would have to slow/swerve to avoid a dog in the road. I’d be furious with him. My lot are on short leads on the pavement or slip leads. I used a fixed longline because I had a horse when teaching recall. Hate flexileads and would worry that it would break/wouldn’t retract when needed.

Daleksatemyshed · 29/12/2025 15:30

Just my opinion but I think women are better at risk assessment, they are better at spotting potential risks whereas men can be more cavalier about it. If your DH wants to risk his own safety that's his right but he doesn't get to make fun of you because you don't want to endanger the dogs.