Divorce - disabled child- Advice please?

Ah, yes, SENDIASS. Paid for by the LA. A bit like Independent Reviewing Officers. Also paid for by the LA. Who are ex-LA social workers who also share offices with their SW colleagues. Despite being very ‘independent’.

Sometimes families reach a point where their child’s needs are such that they are unable to care for them in the family home. This may be because of additional health needs or distressed behaviour. Section 20 of the Children Act 1989 says that the local authority has a duty to accommodate children when ‘the person who has been caring for him (is) prevented (whether or not permanently, and for whatever reason) from providing him with suitable accommodation or care’. This may mean placing the child with foster parents, in a care home or as a residential student at school if these facilities are available. When children are accommodated under Section 20 the arrangement is voluntary and you retain parental responsibility.

I think that this would be the way forward: claiming that you are no longer able to care for him due to his size and behaviour but check with the solicitor first.

Be careful with SENDIASS. Some are good but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies.

Residential placements don’t need to be within your area.

Absolutely. Lack of funding, resources and/or staffing are not excuses for breaches of the law. No matter how much LAs like to believe they are.

The general public would be aghast if they realised how much LAs waste on representation to defend indefensible cases at Tribunal they know they are going to lose. Often against unrepresented parents. My LA once paid a barrister a very nice sum of money to turn up (late!) to a hearing and concede. Infuriating! What a waste of public funds. Not to mention the money LAs spend elsewhere, such as on JR claims.

If you are the person I think you are, and I think you are, we have spoken on previous threads both under different names, a few PMs and briefly by email a few years ago. If you can’t place me, shout and I will PM you a couple of my previous names that I think we PM’ed under.

came across this article the other day while looking for something else. I’m not suggesting you do it but desperate times call for desperate measures..

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c2lnd5wj9z5o.amp

It is rarely in the public interest to prosecute parents who act out of desperation as they cannot care for their child and are seeking a better life for them by abandoning them (usually refusing to collect them from school, or hospital, or from respite care).

Im sorry to hear of your difficult situation.
Have you discussed the care of your children with your STBXH ?
What does he think will be in your childrens best interests.
Could your disbaled son be resident with your STBXH ? is he still working extrememly long hours?
if neither of you can meet your sons needs will social services step in?

Echoing the suggestion to look into Children’s Continuing care - particularly around the challenging behaviour.
While I agree with other posters that there is obfuscation by LAs about options for residential school placements - I have to say that there are none in my area that would take a child of 5. More options once they hit age 7. So a much bigger package of care may be the option to pursue.
Also contact your local SENDIAS Service who should be able to advise about local residential options, what you are entitled to and also possibly about your concerns in the divorce ( as you will not be the first person with this type of dilemma). Best of luck x

Also, I am intrigued about our previous conversations!

Yes, parents literally have to lawyer up now to force unlawful LAs to fulfil their legal obligations. Thank goodness there are some really helpful lawyers who will work on a pro bono basis. Also, I would highly recommend organisations such as Cerebra and the Family Rights Group for their free legal expertise.

What is making me sad on this thread is that other really vulnerable parents of really vulnerable children are telling the OP that she won’t get anywhere with her LA because they too are the victims of institutional gaslighting and systemic abuse. The truth is that social workers, as representatives of their LA, will and do lie and obfuscate and kick the can down the road for as long as possible because their primary brief is not to upset the apple cart and not to commit the authority to spending a penny. Far better to drive a mum in the pit of despair to a mental health breakdown or worse. And sod the other children in the household.

What is making me angry on this thread is the professionals with their ‘what about the council tax increases?’ excuses. How much do LAs waste on going to tribunals with vulnerable families who win 90 per cent of their cases?

OP, if you are still reading, I will happily speak to you directly about how I secured long-term residential schooling and accommodation for my disabled and complex young person.

Wow, what a difficult situation for your family. I have no advice for you, but I wish you well on your journey, and hope that DS gets a residential placement soon.

Gosh I have nothing helpful to add really but sending so much (unhelpful) love your way.

You need to tell Social Services that you cannot cope with him. And be definite.

I'm not so sure there will be loads of places willing to take on children with such high special needs. Did you actually read the ops post?

There will be foster carers willing to as they’ll get loads of extra money on top of normal financial packages.

Agree. I thought it was bad years ago when I had to seek help but it seems like it's almost impossible now, almost certainly to do with costs.

LAs use deception and strategic incompetence all too often. Giving incorrect information and misleading parents. So much is dependent on parents knowing the law and how to navigate the system. Knowledge really is power.

I think we may have ‘spoken’ before both under different names.

OP could you look at a residential school? I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As a mum to an autistic son I really do empathise. It makes me so angry that parents can be on the brink of collapse and are still not given any support.

I find that very shocking that this is being said, probably to do with no funding.

I was in a similar situation to you as in couldn't realistically cope anymore and my child (at 7 years) was placed in a Rudolf Steiner Camphill residence nearby, fully funded by the council.

It's a horrible situation to be in but I had to push, push quite strongly to get any help. It would also help if your Stbx could get onside and push too.

In some circumstances, lawyers will advise this process. It is not ‘abandoning’ a child; it is safely handing over the care of a child to the responsible LA, under the terms of s.20 of the Children’s Act 1989. The police will not be interested, despite the threats of SWs. Some parents do notify their local police force of their intentions. The police are also generally sick of lying and manipulative SWs who waste their time when they could be out tackling real crimes.

Thank goodness for some common sense! As I keep repeating, the systemic abuse of vulnerable parents is absolutely endemic, regardless of which home nation.

you can't simply abandon a child hoping to force the LA,s hand

It absolutely can be done, and is sometimes the only safe and responsible option.
It is not the fault of parents of severely disabled children that society is failing to provide care.

It is another thread to discuss what happens to councils who go 'overdrawn' or even bankrupt due to the costs of care (for children and adults). But that is not the problem or fault of parents of disabled children.

In order to get funding for a residential place, you need agreement from both social care (home is not coping) AND education (school also say they can’t meet needs). This really leaves you with two options: school can meet need and social care then seek a foster home/children’s home placement, or school agree they can’t meet need and residential schools become an option.

LAs would like you to believe this but you don’t. You do not need the current placement to say they can’t meet needs. You are more likely to have to appeal to SENDIST if they don’t, but then many have to even if the current school does say they can’t meet needs. While many residential placements are jointly funded (sometimes also funded partly by the ICB) they aren’t always. Again, you may have to appeal but it is possible to get a residential school placement even if the LA disagree. Ultimately, it isn’t the LA making the final decision.

@ThePieceHall you could also look at recent research on moral injury in social workers if you don’t think that working under such constraints impacts practicing social workers. There should be enough resource to provide tailored support to families who are under immense pressure, the reality is that there isn’t that resource. It’s a shame on our society that people are left in the OPs position and social workers are an obvious target for derision and abuse, but not a fair one.

@SENSummer Having read the thread, I just want to point out that the divorce with associated parental order is a separate matter to getting your DC into a residential home.
I am not a lawyer, but I highly doubt the divorce judge will order for DS to go into a home.
It may help to keep the two things separate in your mind.

If you can't face the long journey that @MamainWonderland is going through to do things "properly", you have every right to just refuse to pick DS up from school, refuse to have him back, and let the system kick into play. But you need nerves of steel and be prepared for an onslaught of emotional blackmail from social services (and possibly also exDH).