AIBU - Adult children and financial help.

Absolutely! I couldn't begrudge my parents helping any of my siblings if they're having a hard time. And we would help each other as well, if needed.
My ex and his brother currently support the children of their useless brother who has buggered off overseas and pretends he hasn't a care in the world.
Families support each other as needed, unless the resources are bountiful and everyone can be supported equally.

It’s nothing to do with favourites, it’s about helping your child who is in need. Equally, I hope your parents don’t leave you a penny since you’re watching their purse strings and dictating how they spend there own money! The OP has said she sees all the GC etc but helps one a bit more because they need more help. My siblings all have needs/lifestyle which mean they need more from family than I do. I can’t imagine being so cold that I would resent them for it. At times am I a bit jealous, probably, but I get over it. What has happened to make adults so entitled and selfish?

The OP hasn’t answered a single question. Just made a few comments insisting there’s no resentment.

I find that quite interesting.

I assure you, there is.

Does your DDs ex pay CMS? If not, you should prioritise helping her to put in a claim. She can do it today. That would take some of the financial pressure off at least.

This.

I hope your child doesn't bother with you anymore. No parent can be so cold and dismissive about their own children.

You chose to have favourites, you are right, you absolutely can. But they others should move on.

I bet there is you just don’t know it. My in-laws helped my sister-in-law a lot more than us. It doesn’t matter so much now because our kids are older, but they are much less close to the in-laws than their other grandparents. ILs would have absolutely no I’d no idea about this. DH also has felt disappointed over the years but again we’ve never spoken about it and they wouldn’t have a clue. If yours are voicing it or showing it in it any way they’re definitely feeling worse in private.

I would be very disappointed if my children were resentful to a sibling because were more in need, and got more help from me as a result. More than anything, it’s my money and I can do what I want with it! It’s really really weird and not okay to be worrying about your slice of the inheritance when the parent isn’t even dead yet. I guess the other sibling may feel a bit jealous at times but ultimately, that’s life. Things are not always fair or equal. If my child ever tried to question how I spent my money I would be very tempted to leave them nothing!

I think you are being unreasonable. Presumably they all had the same start and one has made less sensible choices.

That said, I wouldn't see a grandchild cold or hungry. A compromise for me would be to gift the single parent child a lump sum for use now, when she may need it most. This however, must be deducted from her third of any inheritance, at today's rates.

Missing the point.
I think you are being very fair OP and you are an amazing parent and grandparent

You will hear a lot of different point of views. This shows that for some people fairness is providing to kids similar lifestyles, that is you offer more help, time and money, to the kid who needs the most, which is what you are doing. Others think fairness is providing to all kids the same amount of money and time, independent from their needs. This seems to be the stance of one of your kids, who is unhappy with what you are doing. You can continue doing what you are doing as this is your view on being a fair parent and explain to your unhappy kid your view of the world with the risk they will build up resentment towards you and the receiving sibling or you could change, divide up the money and time fairly and see if it makes you happy and actually if the sibling who got used to a preferential treatment will be still happy or grow resentful. The reality is you should have thought about it before starting such arrangement, but it is hard to forecast which of the kids could be unhappy. At this point, assuming you are happy with they way things are and don’t feel changing reflects your view of life, you should have a frank conversation with your unhappy kid and accept if they become more detached or resentful. You could try and re address with your will leaving more to the other two siblings but I am not sure you want to do that as it will mean a lower standard of life for your third kid? Would you leave more to her as well, as they will have less pension being on a low income job? What of then they meet and meet someone wealthy? You need to think now about this, decide what you will do and have a frank conversation with your unhappy kid.

We also have this grandchild a lot more than the others.
and pay for holidays, activities.

wow.

The financial help wouldn’t bother me but taking more of an interest in one grandchild would.

Out of interest are the grandchildren you don’t bother with as much from male children?

I'm one of three siblings, we each have two kids, but my sister is a single parent - I've never resented my parents giving her more time or money, she's on her own and that's hard. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

Unreasonable to spend more time with one grandchild than the other. Your financial choices will breed resentment - I’m not sure I agree but it’s up to you how you spend your money but think choices about how you spend time with your grandchildren are unreasonable. All of them deserve time with grandparents.

I think you are doing the right thing. I am the oldest of three, and myself and the middle child (we are all late forties, early fifties) have done well career wise and are settled and happy with loving partners and adult children. The youngest is a single parent to two young children, and due to a lot of financial and emotional abuse from an ex partner, has not progressed career wise as he would have liked. He works hard and is fabulous father, but struggles financially. Our mum helps him out a lot with our blessing - she cannot afford to give all three of us the same financial help right now, but us older two do not need it and do not want our little brother to struggle. We both know mum would help us if we need it in the future, and if mum was not able to help our brother, we would. Equality does not always mean treating everyone the same.

One of 3 siblings here. My parents were able to help all of us out at one time or another . Each of us needed it at different times . If we calculated it up I am sure we did not get equal amounts but it was their money and if it was to help my sibling I didn't begrudge it . I for instance was the only one with kids and my parents were generous with them too. Problem now as fully grown but entitled adults I think my brothers think we should still share resources and should still occasionally give money . Any money I am able to give away are going to be to my kids .

@VIOLETPUGH a key differentiation between your case and the other thread is open and honest communication. The secrecy is what eats away at the trust in a relationship.

What you are doing is pragmatic, you are not raising the lifestyle of one to match the other two you are helping with essentials.

I think the answer to this will be quite telling.

they gifted the family business to one child?

Wow. You are am amazing person to be so kind and understanding, your parents are .. unreasonable to say the least.

presumably they were all raised the same, given the same opportunities and start in life.

Rewarding the one who decided to achieve less is a bit weird.

Normal parents don't make judgement and try to treat their children pretty much equally.

Your situation is different to the previous post in that your 3rd child doesn’t have any other support. In the other post you refer to, the sister had a husband. I do not think you are being unreasonable in respect of financial support but I think you should aim to spend an equivalent amount of time with each grandchild.

My dad supported my younger brother when he was struggling. Me and my older brother had zero issue with it as we know if we ever needed help then our dad would be there for us.

My parents helped my brother and my sister in identical ways when they left home because they thought it was “fair”. They left home, had ok jobs and could afford to support themselves but my parents gave them £400 a month. By the time I was leaving home to go to university (which they had known for years I would) they had nothing left to give. They hadn’t saved for helping me through it, so, I couldn’t leave my home town to study and had to do an entirely different course at a local uni. The one bed flat they paid the mortgage for, for my sister, had to be shared with two other people if I wanted to move out. I had to get two jobs to pay the bills and they would give me £20 quid a week for food. The alternative was to live rurally at home and rely on my parents for lifts to uni.

This was not “fair” in any way. By the time I’d graduated, had a decent job and was earning well, their circumstances had changed, my sister was a single mum, so they were once again helping her. They gifted her the family business because she worked there.

I have no resentment towards my sister. She’s been through a lot and has turned her life around. But my mother still believes she did absolutely the right thing and it wasn’t her fault I ended up on a totally different path and had to make sacrifices because of her insistence on being “fair”.

I think the only reason people are saying about time is because you said in your op that you see this grandchild a lot more than the others