Long term marriage is like shagging your best friend

I totally get you OP. Married nearly 20 years, both over 50, and I believe it would be like shagging my best friend now. Haven't had sex in 2 years. We don't talk about it. It's not an ick, per se. It is over familiarity. Washing dirty jocks etc, I mean it's hard to feel sexual desire. They say that if you haven't had sex for a year it's quite likely you won't have it again with that person. I don't know. Not sure if there is a solution.

Crappy sex life atm due to young children BUT I do still look at my DH and think ‘ooh‘!!
He’s very handsome. The spark is sort of small right now but the flash point is still there in the background of the storm!!!! Married 12 years been together about 16 so some time has passed

You’re not, this is what happens. We put kids and life before each other and ultimately ourselves. Though more so from me. My DH is 9 years older, going deaf, eye sight getting worse, gained several stones in weight, going very bald, has some bad habits that are icky. Myself, I am getting slimmer (through stress mainly) and though my 40 years is starting to show I’m very conscious of wanting to look after myself so that I’m still desirable. I resent that DH doesn’t seem to want to reciprocate and that means I just don’t fancy him anymore. We have almost no sex life at all.

I’m with you OP, I get what you mean.

I totally get you OP. I think it’s lovely that couples can still be attracted to each other after years of being together but I think they are the lucky ones. Personally after being on my own for 7 years after 46 years of marriage I’m having an absolute blast!

OMG! My wife thinks you are wrong. I agree. Meanwhile do read Swedish author August Strindberg on marriage. He was much more dramatic in his views on marriage. His wife’s name was “Siri” 😀

If it feels like shagging your best friend, you're doing it wrong!

What a very personal discussion to have on here! After 58 years of marriage I can honestly say I have never desired any other partner. We have built our relationship from scratch and neither have had sexual intercourse with any other person. My body is not a toy for anyone to play with and the thought of having had sex with anyone else I find repulsive. 'Keep ye, only unto him as long as ye both do live?' You bet.

Eugh why would you even say that 🤮 30 years married and happy

I do know of a couple with two young children who have been together over 20 years and love each other but have recently split as they are not INLOVE.
Lot of respect and will work together to support their children as they grow up. So it’s maybe just not about sex but about a relationship lacking excitement and looking forward to seeing your partner come home from work. Just missing that bit extra special something.

I’m with you on this one. Been married 20 years; don’t really fancy my husband much any more. There’s no flirting, no excitement, no lust. Of course mumsnet won’t agree; you’re either getting your ducks in a row to LTB or you’re madly in love with your husband like the day you first set eyes on him and the sex is explosive. There’s no in between, which is where most people are in real life after being with someone long term!

Nope, married 22 year. Still fancy my husband. Still love him. Love is an emotion. It’s also a choice and an action.
I made vows, I take them seriously. We have had amazing times and truly, truly awful ones.
But he definitely isn’t my platonic friend. He my husband and I’m his wife.

🤣🤣🤣

I love how you're setting yourself up as some kind of "fundamental truth teller", and that anyone who disagrees with you must be lying to themselves, or is a "pearl clutcher" 😆

That's so beautiful and something I wish I had 😞

Sex with my husband is better for now than it was when we first met in our late teens.

I had no idea what I was doing back then, or where certain erogenous zones were located.

I fell out of love with my husband and am separating from him. The sexual attraction went a long time ago. The lack of sex was a problem so I made myself do it for the last few years. So I sort of get where you are coming from. It is strange though that so many people have responded to say to go and have casual sex. Odd. Sex and love go hand in hand for me. The last thing I want is casual sex. I just don't want sex with my husband because the relationship has broken down.

Long term marriage - just is.
Someone said when I was a kid, after twenty years there is either hatred or love.
Guess I'm lucky, then. (Although I went off "shagging" at 42).
Fortunately and due to circumstances, no problem.

Sorry to hear your sex life is shit OP.

My husband is still sexy AF to me after 21 years. But then we always had a very strong physical attraction right from the start.

I split up with my ex due to his acholism and controlling tendencies. As a single mum and now he's in recovery for over three years my take on it all is you fked and made them family hes older than me but I genuinely see him as my lil brother and if the shit hit the fan I have no doubt we would call eachother. No romantic feelings just the maturity to understand one another and respect

This has happened to me in every long term relationship I have ever had no matter how much I couldn't keep my hands off them in the early stages. Am very surprised by the vote.

Weird post

I absolutely get where you’re coming from. I’ve been with my husband 10 years now and I don’t feel that way and we have sex often, however I had boyfriends before that felt more like a friend after a year, which ended pretty quickly as sex made me feel uncomfortable. I’m a bit worried about that becoming a thing with my husband, I don’t know if it will or not 🤷🏼‍♀️

How old are you and how many long term relationships have you had ?

Agree