Long term marriage is like shagging your best friend

This is such a strange thought to have. It's nothing like that. I fancy the ass off my husband and always have since the day I met him. That has never changed. Despite him seeing me give birth, shit myself during severe disabling illness, become frail and gravely ill also during said disability, he has always found me attractive too. We are best friends but we always were right from the start.
He's my everything under God and alongside his children. My siblings don't even factor into that level of love and devotion. It's not even on the same planet. My husband is the only one in my corner helping me, encouraging me, loving me every step of the way. Without so much as ever a cross word. He has never put me down, never insulted me, never fallen out with me or played any weird games I see other couples play with each other. We are an isolated rural family but we are full of love and laughter. Both of us are laid back so the kids are too but not when it comes to manners and kindness and all that. Although we don't get angry we simply direct and be consistent. We couldn't be more content with our lot. We'd make amazing friends and try to be to the few that we have but people tend to have busy lives too and we don't see them often.
All this to say, I could not function as a happy person without my husband and kids. Maybe some say that's sad or pathetic but I won the husband lottery ten fold. I will passionately speak love about him and give him everything I have for the rest of my life because of what he's done for and will do for me. He's a loving little darling and I can never put into words enough to justify him. Animals always come to him wherever we go and all our pets adore him. Especially cats in other people's houses or just out and about will always come and sit on him or other little animals. There's no boredom or weirdness in our marriage. I thank God every day for what I have.

Funny🤣

Happily in "lust" with my DH, both late 40s. We got together when we were mid-30s (but knew each other well as teens). I think maybe we benefitted from being with other (less sexually compatible) partners before and appreciate what we have?
Despite a sinking libido, once I'm there I still love and crave the intimacy, and very much still fancy the pants off my OH.

I think it's horses for courses. Libido, sexuality and intimacy are so complex, it probably can't all be put down to one element (i.e. how long you've been together).
I wouldn't entertain a relationship without sexual intimacy, but thats just me. Everyone is entitled to their own truth.

Exactly.

It's like: your best friend is your biggest crush. And somehow now you get to hang out with your crush all the time because they love hanging out with you. And they like you back!

I mean we haven't been together for 30 years yet.

But if you lose attraction to your partber and start seeing them.as basically a sibling, the problem isn't that you're in a longterm relationship, the problem is that you've let it go cold and need to work on the relationship or leave if it doesn't make you happy.

That's all just weird

Very strange take you are with the wrong person or you actually shag your brother

Hi. Know exactly what you were meaning - rather than the petty weirdos who asking if you'd snagged your sibling etc- it was horrible for me as we hadn't kept the magic alive in our marriage and were living like brother and sister - so I left. Much much happier. Do what is right for you. Obviously kids were older so not upsetting for them. Good luck however you decide to fix it xx

Is it a "fact" for everyone though? I mean DH and I aren't leaping on each other then second we see each other anymore, but equally we didn't used to live together. Relationships change, desire changes but it doesn't mean it disappears.

Evolution, not extinction for most people I think. Maybe people accepting that it just disappears is part of the problem?

You're obviously only posting this for a reaction. Grow up

Christ on a bike thats quite sad.
40 years together and I still adore shagging him. Very healthy sex life and libido is just fiiiiiine thanks.
Baffles me that people think thats not possible.

Maybe for you op but we don’t all have that experience . I’m in a 10 year relationship and am still very sexually attracted to my DH. I’m assuming you’ve not had a good long term relationship ? Not all matches work but when you find one that does it can be very fulfilling and sex doesn’t have to be boring just keep mixing it up.

Yes I think it can be difficult to keep the passion when you are in a long relationship- of course!
Its not a straightforward dichotomy between ripping each others clothes off every five minutes or being totally sexless either. It’s complicated.
I do fancy my dh and he fancies me, and the love is very deep. But real life can take over, and it’s not always an easy transition from moaning about work, worrying about kids, getting irritated about annoying habits and then getting down and dirty.
There are moments when the stars align, when we make each other laugh (which I find a turn on) seeing one another in social situations and feeling that attraction again. But often familiarity can feel.. familial and that’s not conducive to feeling sexy. Theres a reason people have affairs! A bit of strange is a powerful aphrodisiac.
I know many women and very few in long relationships are shagging like rabbits.

to add: surely hearing other people's experience can also help a few, who can see that instead of being miserable and resigned to the curse of a sexless marriage, they have choices and options and can move on if they want.

If you are happy with what you have, great, but if you are not, you are not weird, unusual or stuck for the rest of your life.

but it's just as normal for desire not to disappear over time, and people who still fancy their long-term partner are just as honest

Why do you make it sound like people are lying?

It's just as "normal" for some people to want sex once or twice a month at most, that it is "normal" for others to think 3 times a week is not enough.

If you want honesty, accept other people experience!

I can’t understand a lot of these replies. Is it actually 1840? It’s a known fact that desire is likely to disappear over time. It’s normal to feel the way the OP does. Good for her for being honest. And people please stop getting so hung up on the ‘siblings’ thing - she was making a point, not being literal for gods sake.

I can’t understand a lot of these replies. Is it actually 1840? It’s a known fact that desire is likely to disappear over time. It’s normal to feel the way the OP does. Good for her for being honest. And people please stop getting so hung up on the ‘siblings’ thing - she was making a point, not being literal for gods sake.

Long term marriage is like shagging your occasional nemesis.

There's some weird shit on the Internet but this wins tonights prize.
Happily shagging my gorgeous sexy husband for the last 28 years...he still makes me 😏

Loads of people feel this way, it's featured in lots of novels I've read too. I was madly, furiously in love and lust with my boyfriend I met at age 19. We were like two halves of one being, and we soon became a part of each other's families too. The sex burned out within a year and we truly did feel like siblings. I've never shagged a sibling but I began to feel the same feelings towards him that I do towards my family members ie deepest affection with no physical attraction.

I remember once my mum buying us both easter eggs, which was very cute but just added to the feeling we were siblings and not lovers.

We split up of course and I met DP many years later. We had a full two years of brilliant sex which is the best I think I could hope for. I managed it by not feeling that 'other half' feeling with him.

There are so many types of relationship. I have two friends just like me, and one who still has mad sex with her husband and loves it.

Not all long term relationships look the same.

It does for some, not for everyone.

OP seems to think those where it doesn't are lying and quite defensive.

It would be one thing if OP had asked how those who've been in the same camp as her managed to move past the no sexual desire part, but it's the insinuating that every marriage/LTR feels like having sex with your brother.

That's just a weird way of thinking.
Clearly OP isn't happy in her marriage, but to try and bring everyone else down instead of asking for a help solving the issues shows she's bitter.

@Oneisnotamused Kind of unsure even how to respond here! The fact that you compared marriage to shagging your sibling/s is next level disturbing!!! I've 3 siblings, of which two are brothers and this post made me gag! I've never ever thought about sex with my sister either! I think that perhaps you should call up Talking Therapies and have a discussion with them about your thought process as this is deeply disturbing. I've two male best friends and have also never in my existence thought about having sex with either one of them! And I've known them for 22 years and 16 years! You could be going through some changes of life issues and best to call your doctor and make sure all is okay. Marriage is sacred and should never ever be thought of in this way no matter how bored you may be feeling. My suggestion is perhaps think about it in the reverse...Imagine your DP had written this comment and imagine your reaction at reading the fact that DP had compared having sex with you like sleeping with their sister or brother...Have you ever thought about communicating what it is that you want in the bedroom? It really is that simple! And if you're that bored, then I suggest breaking up and setting your poor partner free from your misery and your incestuous thoughts...Marriage is hard work and something that you need to put effort into DAILY! If you make no conscious effort to create intimacy throughout your day with your partner and then expect fireworks at night, then you're the problem and not your partner! And no, intimacy is not sex! And if you're watching porn on the daily, please stop as you are not building connection, but are building fantasy instead! Ask yourself what are you doing to bring the fireworks? Do some reading, ask ChatGpt, and attend a 'How to play the flute' workshop...There are loads of these workshops that you can attend! Laziness does not make-ith a marriage! When you stop expecting and start initiating, your partner will reciprocate! My neighbours are 82 and if these walls could talk!!! And if you're a man who wrote this, then you can always buy a workshop for your partner where you can both attend! Your post had loads of moaning, but zero solution or action being shown from your part! Sending you fireworks for 2026!

Yep same here, we are mates who live together. I'm more than happy with this but not so sure he is. My issue may also be a menopause thing.

I am 47 been with my husband 25 years , married 10, We were together over 15 years before we had our two kids , My husband is still the hottest guy in the room ,I’m lucky he happens to be gorgeous but more importantly he’s interesting and funny and makes me laugh. We are not the gym bunnies we were of yester year ..,but still train and look after ourselves . He’s still physically attractive to me but we’ve loved each other at all sizes. He makes me feel better about myself , reminds me I’m still attractive . I started menopause in my late 30’s before my last baby and he was so supportive , it and I wasn’t easy …long term marriages :relationships don’t have to be a chore , but you both have to be on the same page, it may be an out dated view but I think sex is very important in a relationship, if lust is gone love alone won’t help a relationship long term.

33 years in, still fancy each other, still shagging and we’re older, uglier and fatter now too 🤣🤣

I never felt the ick but there have been times when sex has felt less important, generally when the kids were younger but for me coming off the pill and peri menopause has improved my sex drive. 🤷🏼‍♀️