Long term marriage is like shagging your best friend

I've been shagging my best friend for 55 years.
It's good and I'm happy with it.
He feels the same.

If attraction dies and turns incestuous, it’s not time’s fault.

Well yes obviously, discounting the weird sibling comment this is self evident. A lot of people, maybe most people, struggle with “commitment sex,” because sexual arousal for them depends on something being new, illicit and exciting which by definition long term relationships are not. That’s partly the point of marriage; its to anchor people and make it harder to run away when the lust runs out.

I think it depends to some extent on your personality and motivations. Some people enjoy the familiarity and intimacy of having sex with the same person, others find it kills the libido. In long term relationships where there is deep love most people find a way of moving past it.

But some of you are being a bit disingenuous if you are pretending you have no idea what she means.

So what are you going to do about it?

After reading this i think i've had too much time on the internet today.

Time to get off here and go and do something normal with people who have normal thoughts...

Yes this is what it was like for me. I no longer fancied him and we were more like siblings or friends. There were lots of other issues in the relationship but I thought to myself that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life without any possibility of love and romance so ended it. As it is I'm happily single and don't want a relationship but I didn't want to close off the possibility for ever.

Surely shagging your best friend is the best thing you can ever hope for.

That would make me want to get married (although I never would).

Is this one of those research/journalist posts....? 🙄

Maybe that's your issue??

More info needed

Indeed.

For most people in long term marriages, their partner is their best friend and that's the best kind of sex imo. Sleeping with your sibling is an icky idea because they are related to you. Not because you love them. I think you're confused about marriage.

i can’t be the only one who’s shagged a few of my friends/colleagues?! One friend is now a husband and still my best friend. I enjoy shagging him very much.

I knew a married couple who discovered on their wedding day they were first cousins!
Basically they met away from their home town in a club in London, found it quite funny they lived so close growing up and never known of the other in their small village.
They did the young professional in London together but had their wedding in their village. During the reception the classic “oh do you know such and such?” Between friends and relatives it was discovered that they hadn’t known of the other because of some family drama and were in fact both the children of estranged brothers.

They broke up a few months into the wedding. As I imagine most would find being related quite the ick. Can’t say I’d feel thrilled knowing my DH was a relative tbh.

We’ve also had threads on here with long lost siblings meeting and falling in love. Those threads have always been incredibly sad but sensitively replied to on the whole.

Nope for most of us its the best part as you both know exactly what you like and enjoy making it better for both of you

Speak for yourself.

You are weird.

Speak for yourself and enjoy shagging strangers. There’s no intrinsic ick from shagging someone you’ve fancied for decades.

My feelings for dh are not remotely close to how I see my brother 😳 what a weird post.

I recently saw dh ended a large school hall from the other side and it was out of the corner of my eye. I did a double take because I thought “oooh hello, he’s hot…” then realised it was dh and I still really fancy him 24 years later. Can’t imagine wanting to shag some random guy I don’t completely trust.

No, I can’t say becoming closer and more intimate with my partner over years makes me think of him like a brother.

OP, I think you need therapy to unpack why familiarity with an intimate partner specifically means sibling and not husband.

Well for 40 years I have enjoyed shagging my husband and TBH now that we’re both retired it’s actually even better as have more time and am way more chilled about time and places.

You’re with the wrong person

Only if you don’t put effort into your relationship. Love and respect each other. Communication is key as well. I’ve been with DH for 25 years still love and find him sexy as hell like the first day I met him.

I suppose it depends what you mean by overfamiliar. I like that DH and I are familiar to each other, and foreplay and sex can be funny and a bit daft sometimes as well as sexy. We’ve always been pretty careful about not doing stuff like using the bathroom or farting in front of each other which probably does create an unattractive overfamiliarity. In what ways do you feel your relationship has lost its connection and sexiness? Have you spoken about it together?

Maybe LTRs aren't for you. There's nothing wrong with that, monogamy isn't for everyone!

The familiarity of a partner you have chosen to build a life with is very different to the familiarity of a sibling - someone you were raised with and who no normal person would ever see in a sexual context. The way I feel about my husband is so completely dissimilar to the way I feel about my siblings.