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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel short changed and resentful?

216 replies

SantaHatCat · 29/12/2025 07:45

So originally we were going to my boyfriend’s parents’ for Christmas dinner. I was looking forward to this. Unfortunately they fell out with his brother and therefore made alternative plans (uninvited everyone) and decided to spend it on their own. I therefore hosted the big day at my house for myself, boyfriend and my ds. Just the 3 of us. My boyfriend and myself do not live together and he earns a substantial amount more money than me. We used to earn the exact same but I have recently started a new job. As it was decided we’d have Christmas dinner at my house, I went out and bought all the food and alcohol to see us through Christmas and to the new year. I didn’t go mad, I spent about £100. My problem is that I have had no offer of money towards this and when I asked, he didn’t say or do anything. As it has bugged me since I raised it again yesterday as he said he didn’t want it to become about a whataboutery. In my mind I only think it’s fair we split the cost of this food as not only did I pay for everything, I’m the one who spent Christmas in the kitchen. Originally had plans not changed, his parents were hosting and I would have taken a token gift with me as I never go anywhere empty handed. My bf knows I am short of money. My ds has just finished college and starting working, his first pay cheque is due in January. On top of this and I don’t want to sound petty, my ds’s gf came round to my house in the evening. I had bought chocolates (as well as other gifts) for everyone and when we each opened our chocolates, we offered them around to each other. I brought my son up to do this. We all did this accept my bf. He took chocolates from each of us, but did not even open his. His chocolates were the most expensive out of them all, and the biggest box.

AIBU to feel disappointed and resentful?

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 29/12/2025 08:09

Have you been with your boyfriend very long?

id be looking at the bigger picture of how he has behaved over the course of your relationship, rather than just this Christmas episode.

does he generally have freeloader tendencies or has he been supportive in general as regards paying his way during the time you've been together?

from what you've said, it seems like he is a passive bystander over the Christmas period - his parents hosting, then you hosting because they cancelled, him not having a decent cooker oh how convenient .... if he's earning decent money you'd have thought he'd have sorted out a new cooker to enable him to be the host and support you rather than stand there with his arms folded while the women all run around after him (is the impression I get ...)

shhblackbag · 29/12/2025 08:07

LancashireButterPie · 29/12/2025 07:56

Love keeps no scores.
I think if you really loved him you'd stop counting. You sound quite transactional and arbitrary, stop giving things and then becoming aggrieved when people take them.

If he loved her, he would have paid. The only reason she hosted was because his parents cancelled.

Original poster
SantaHatCat · 29/12/2025 08:02

Minjou · 29/12/2025 07:55

She only hosted at the last minute because his family uninvited them! He should have offered to pay for all of it, let alone half.

OP he's a stingy git. Have you got the ick?

Show quote history

This is my point. I stepped in as his parents changed their plans which was not my fault and mainly as my ds still lives at home. My ds was invited to his parents house too.

Yes I am starting to get the ick as I am a generous person (hence me suggesting having Christmas at mine) but I feel like I am now being taken advantage of.

OP posts:
CarrierbagsAndPJs · 29/12/2025 08:02

Yabu to buy gifts with the expectation people share them. That is mean. And also a box of chocolates as a christmas present? Really?

He doesnt have shelves in his oven? Is this something he is dealing with or just leaving?

Why did you take a big pay cut?

Makemeanonymous · 29/12/2025 08:01

Of course he should have been sharing the cost of the food, sharing the work involved in the preparation, and sharing his chocolates.
He comes over as self centered, entitled and mean.

You have seen the real him and tbh this unattractive behaviour would make me feel totally differently about him.

nomas · 29/12/2025 08:00

Yo need to address this asap.

Tell him that you expect him to pull his weight financially and to pay half.

Is he usually tight? Do you end up paying for dinner at restaurants, cinema tickets etc?

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 29/12/2025 07:58

Did he bring you a token gift?

whitemugblueplate · 29/12/2025 07:57

Yes, I think this is unreasonable. It was nice that you offered to host but if you’re incredibly short of money, you should have said up front, ‘I’m short on cash, can you all contribute’. If your partner and son had brought alcohol or dessert or something, it would have kept costs down. I don’t think it’s polite to go back to people afterwards and tell them you need money.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 29/12/2025 07:57

Is this part of a bigger issue? Posting about your bf ‘owing’ you £33 seems a bit lame unless he is generally mean. I wouldn’t be counting chocolates but I might have expected him to bring a bottle or two. Did he get you something nice for Christmas?

Newnamehiwhodis · 29/12/2025 07:57

People are insane if they think this is acceptable.

Newnamehiwhodis · 29/12/2025 07:56

Ugh I cannot stand a stingy man. This is very thoughtless behavior on his part. I’d have to have my antennae up to see if this sort of thing continued… but I was with a stingy, freeloading man for a few years and I’ll never allow that again.

yeah, it’s a red flag OP. and just so unattractive

LancashireButterPie · 29/12/2025 07:56

Love keeps no scores.
I think if you really loved him you'd stop counting. You sound quite transactional and arbitrary, stop giving things and then becoming aggrieved when people take them.

Original poster
SantaHatCat · 29/12/2025 07:56

It was decided I’d host as my bf has no shelves in his oven (so can’t cook turkey or roasties) and as my ds still lives at home we’d stay at mine.

OP posts:
Minjou · 29/12/2025 07:55

THisbackwithavengeance · 29/12/2025 07:52

I’m a believer that if you host, you pay. If you don’t want to pay, then don’t host. I would hate to be invited for a meal and then put under pressure to pay an arbitrary sum that the host decided was my share without any prior consultation.

If your boyfriend is otherwise a mean man, then only you can decide whether he’s the one for you.

She only hosted at the last minute because his family uninvited them! He should have offered to pay for all of it, let alone half.

OP he's a stingy git. Have you got the ick?

THisbackwithavengeance · 29/12/2025 07:52

I’m a believer that if you host, you pay. If you don’t want to pay, then don’t host. I would hate to be invited for a meal and then put under pressure to pay an arbitrary sum that the host decided was my share without any prior consultation.

If your boyfriend is otherwise a mean man, then only you can decide whether he’s the one for you.

Liftedmeup · 29/12/2025 07:50

You are being very petty. I can’t believe you were checking on the chocolates your guests ate. It would have been nice if there had been a contribution towards food and alcohol, but as you hosted, you can’t expect that.