AIBU to feel short changed and resentful?

I’m starting to wonder as I don’t see we’re on the same page. I just fell exhausted and am monitoring how he is with money now. He seems to bring more anxiety that chivalry and I hate to admit that’s really upset me. The chips have been down and I feel more down now through all what’s happened.

I understand the comments on the chocolate and how I have behaved since Christmas Day in that it sounds petty and confusing compared to everything else. What I was trying to communicate, and what I explained to my bf was, that on Christmas Day everyone opened their chocolates and we all had different types. My bf wanted to watch me and my ds open our presents first. I had opened some milk tray from my bf and offered them round. Everyone took one. He was eating my selection box. I suggested he open his presents (as I knew I had bought him chocolates and then obviously he could eat some of those). He declined (obviously not knowing I had bought him chocolate) and said no keep opening your presents I’ll wait and he kept eating my selection box. I did start to get annoyed by this as at this point he had eaten 3 full chocolate bars from it and it only had 6 in it. My ds then opened his chocolates and shared them of which me and my bf took one and then once my ds and myself started opening his presents when he unwrapped his chocolates he took the lid off but said the cellophane was difficult to unopen, said he’d open them later but then didn’t and took them home. I just felt that my chocolates were for sharing and his for himself so then when I went to his and he offered me one, I did not want to be greedy and took one. He offered me another but I declined. We are clearly different on this… like what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is my own. I agree my comment in telling him he couldn’t have a chocolate before dinner sounded childish and childlike but I felt I needed to protect what I have left! I pushed the boat out and bought him the Hotel Chocolat Christmas Classic Sleekster with 28 chocolates because he loves chocolate and had been watching the TV programme inside the factory. It wasn’t just about him not sharing his chocolate, it was also that I didn’t get to see a look of delight on his face when he uncovered them. That happened at his place.

He really dislikes my dog jumping up when he arrives which my dog does with everyone. Does not like him on the bed or chairs/sofa. He has dogs as a child but says his dad would not have allowed their dog to jump up. I have said my dog is not your dog… in the way he is used to things. I have rules for him but not majorly strict with bed and chairs. I have seen him push my dog off the bed and keep him from jumping up on a chair with his foot but he’s not kicked him or anything like that as that to me would be unacceptable and definitely the end.

Apologies, I’ve been away from MN. I have a few updates. So, we had a talk on the phone the day before NYE. I made it clear I wasn’t happy about paying for the Christmas food and that I felt he was dodging paying as I’d mentioned it at least 3/4 times. I asked him what part of his parents hosting-then cancelling, me then offering, going out shopping for it, paying for it and then cooking it seemed fair? He said we hadn’t spoken about who was doing what so I ‘gave him that’s but added that in view he knows I am very short of money, how could that sit right with him and seem fair especially as it was his parents who had cancelled on us and caused the problem. I said had it been my parents doing the same (which they never would have done), I would have been mortified and stepped up. I also mentioned that there was no reason for him not to have hosted Christmas Day and cooked dinner if only he’d had some shelves in his oven… and when was he going to order these? This conversation was over the phone. He asked me to send him the receipts for the shopping which I did. He added that he had wanted to speak to me about paying for my meal on NYE (£30) to which I said, no as less than the shopping so how would that be fair on me. Anyway it got left that he said he needs to try to be better and recognise things. He then came round earlier on NYE so we could talk before going out. He still hadn’t transferred me the money. We sat talking and I asked him why he hadn’t sent me the money yet despite me sending the receipts. I added that most people would have spent more money than I did and also reiterated that I had stepped up, shopped and cooked the food. He said that it was not discussed to which I agreed it wasn’t but I had still done everything. I pointed out that last year we had shopped together and the shopping had come to £200 which we’d split - no questions asked and the only unfairness last year had been I had cooked the majority of the food. He prepared the starters. So I asked why was this year different especially in view of my change in financial circumstances. I also added that I appreciate I have my DS at home but as he hasn’t been paid yet from his first full time job and it was Christmas I thought he wouldn’t mind. He apologised. He then transferred me half the money. I then asked him about the mattress. Why did you offer to pay half last year and never did and then when I have brought it up as I’ve struggled to get money from you for Christmas food you asked if the cat had contributed. He said he thought we had drawn a line under that. I asked how he had come to that conclusion as he said because we had sorted out my son not vaping in the house anymore. I said what does that have to do with payment for a mattress 12 months ago? And then said how can I believe anything you say when you are not true emit your word. I asked why did you offer to pay half last year if you never intended to? He had no answer. I then said how do you expect me to believe you will financially look after me then in retirement like you also said? Do you not realise that I am basing trusting you on what you say and what you do and all you are doing is proving I cannot rely on you. He apologised and said he could see where I was coming from and recognised all our disagreements seem to be about money. I also brought up the chocolates (as he asked if he could have one of mine) and I said no. I told him that he had really upset me in Christmas Day as he had started to open them and then said it was difficult to get in them and given up. I have been to his since and he offered me some and I took one. He said take another to which I declined and said no, they’re yours I bought them for you. Yesterday he was at my house and asked if he could have some of my chocolates whilst I made the evening meal. I said no as the food would not be long and I explained that if he had bought them for me he wouldn’t want to eat them. He had eaten half of a small selection box I’d been given whilst opening Christmas presents on Christmas Day. We paid for ourselves food wise on NYE - he bought the drinks (3 ciders - only because I didn’t transfer the money) I thought I would wait to be asked and he didn’t ask. Then on NY day we went for a very long walk… of which I suggested going in the pub (half way stop for one drink) but was we got close he said he had a headache and felt sick so we just continued on the walk. I needed the loo and said I’d get our drinks but he said no just pop in to use the loo… to which I said I am not doing that as it is cheeky. We’ve subsequently been on another walk and had lunch out to which he said he’d get on his card for us to sort out later. I transferred the money to him on the way home to the penny. This all feels so exhausting. BF earns £9K a year more than me and I’ll be honest, due to cooking at Christmas I thought he might have paid for my meal out on NY day which was £20 including my drink. This is all so mentally draining.