MIL gave children gifts from a homeless charity for christmas!

This is awful. I have a somewhat similar relation. He uses a church community pantry and has taken food and clothing. He also goes to a soup kitchen place regularly (
offering of another religious group) .
He is financially comfortable- no mortgage, regular holidays. But feels that it makes great financial sense to get stuff for free if you can! It’s so embarrassing and unkind. I cannot get my head round it.

I agree! Everyone needs to know exactly what shes doing! Not doing anything about the behaviour is effectively condoning her actions. Makes me furious that people think this sort of behaviour is ok (MIL not OP). Unless she has serious consequences from her actions, she will continue to get her 'freebies'

Food banks normally need referrals made

In theory this is true, in reality a lot of them will not actually turn anyone away and will give smaller "emergency" parcels to pretty well anyone who turns up and says they need it.

I am more inclined to think that it is a misunderstanding, which can happen when you jump to conclusions - we’ve all done it, haven’t we?

If @Jellyworms's DH doesn't understand what the problem is, then maybe it is not at all surprising that his Mother doesn't either? I would be much more annoyed and upset with my DH, if he didn't understand just how
unacceptable it was for his DM to do that.

So I don't understand why you @boogietrapps would cut all contact with his DM if you were the OP, but not also leave your DH? I could never have lived with.- or in fact, loved a partner, if he thought there was nothing wrong with fox hunting (or any hunting, or culling), and I would fall out of love very quickly if he, like the OP's DH, couldn't understand why what his own DM did, was so wrong!

The Trussell Trust foodbanks need referrals (I'm a referrer), but many others do not.

This sounds like the gifting tree that Dunelm do. My daughter took part this year. You take a tag off the tree and it says something like ''a gift for a 10 year old girl who likes crafting". You then buy the gift, wrap it,put the tag back on it and put it in donation bins in the shop.
You don't think she helped herself out of the donation bin do you?😬 She could easily add your children's names....

Well quite - but as those points have been hammered home ad nauseam on this thread I thought I'd try and apply a bit of balance.

Or tight and doesn't want to spend a penny as the OP said in her first post -do we automatically have to assume that the OP is being abused financially by her adult kids or that one of them is in debt and she's bailing them out?

And even if the any of the first three things were happening - it still does not justify taking 120 pounds worth of gifts that were meant for someone who was either homeless or fleeing domestic violence. The OP does not fall into either of these categories and someone bought these presents in good faith thinking they were going to be given to someone in real need

All it took me was a few questions over the phone with an advisor. They would even give you a voucher if you had some savings at the time. That was 5 years ago. It’s even easier now you can just walk in without a referral.

On the foodbank issue - I work mainly for Trussell where referrals are tightly monitored (although if you turn up at a hub in need they might well give you some pasta and a jar of sauce and a few other bits to tide you over whilst we work on a referral). However during COVID I spent time working with a number of community organisations that gave out food which didn't need referrals from places where anyone could turn up for a meal to places where suplus donated food was redistributed.

I'm not going to speculate on how this MIL gets food or presents - there are various ways some more legitimate than others. However I do think it is important that the DH here has a conversation with his mother. A number of scenarios could be pertinent that don't involve her defrauding a charity.

1. She is struggling as she is in debt
2. She is struggling because one of the DC living wiht her is indebt and leaning on her to help with it and or is otherwise potentially financially abusing her
3. She is struggling due to COL as none of the adults living with her are contributing and that needs to be addressed.

If a charity is collecting presents for vulnerable people who are homeless or fleeing violence - members of the public don't take these presents for a donation nor do they get handed them. You are expected to give presents, not take them - the charity hands them out to people in need

They are matched to people who need them

It's highly likely that the MIL has managed to convince this charity that her DIL is either homeless or fleeing violence

I think it’s blatantly obvious I am not!

@Jellyworms - "Because im sick of her behaviour and constantly asking for things yet giving my children nothing. Christmas is not about giving to recieve but when she sends us a list of things she wants for her birthday in the family group chat but cannot spend even £5 on my children no absoloutley not gifting her anything"

Sorry but you seem to be trying to hold two contradictory positions simultaneously there.

Either Christmas is not about giving to receive or it is.

You can't just say it's not about giving to receive and then say you aren't going to give because your kids didn't receive.

You also seem to imply from your original post that your MiL must have obtained these toys dishinestly from the charity. How do you know she didn't just buy them from the charity, or was given them in return for a donation? How do you "know"?

All you "know" is what is written on a scrap of paper. You know nothing else.

The OP said that it's one that you can just turn up to without a referral - that might not be the norm but there are foodbanks that don't require them

There's no large foodbank presence in my home town - no large named ones and there are projects that call themselves foodbanks that don't require a referral

There's also a mobile one in the next town where people self refer

Obviously getting the presents from a charity for vulnerable children was wrong but some details don't seem right, like the foodbank.

Well the thread is about her and the presents she got from a charity. The comment I was responding to was the one where it was said that she sounded like she hates her MIL

That's a separate issue to whether or not she is getting food from a Foodbank.

I think MamsKnit might be hinting that OP's account isn't entirely accurate.

I'm a bit skeptical that changing the ages of the children in this scenario would prevent someone from identifying the OP.

Hmmm... that happened in my family, except the children were 3 and 8, so this couldn't possibly be someone I know... What a huge coincidence!

Well how did the DIL open the presents and have a card in them saying that they were from said charity if this wasn't the case.

There are some people who donate hundreds of pounds worth for one present to the charity I donate to. They buy bits and pieces all year - because they know the situation the families are in

I don't spend hundreds but I give as much as I can and if any bags do need extra donations the charity has that covered too

I would contact the charity and just express concern at how your DC came to end up with what they did so it doesn't happen again. It's totally on them if they were just handed over in good faith rather than research.

And I would get your DH to gently probe that MIL isn't having a hard time financially just to be on the safe side. Maybe ask the other people in the house though? Just as a safety net. Then if she isn't, I'd read her the riot act and tell her she's never to do this again, she's put you in a horrid situation.

Rather than posts arguing whether it is a foodbank or community pantry, all run differently and not all needing referrals, but clogging up the thread, it would be good if the OP updates what her DH has said/done if anything

How else did a grandmother manage to get £120 worth of gifts for children in need if not from a charity which isn’t professional or well run?

I think it is highly unlikely that a charity gave "two big bags" of presents, each present with a value of £60, to one woman. I am guessing that she isn't young enough to be able to lie that they were for her own children aged 2 and 4.