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Original poster

MIL gave children gifts from a homeless charity for christmas!

343 replies

Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 22:56

Thats it really, just a bit taken aback!

MIL is a strange one at the best of times, always expects but never wants to give. She didnt get my children (her first and only grandchildren aged 2 and 4) anything last year but asked my dh why we didnt gift her anything. Anyway, fast forward to this christmas.

she came over for christmas day with two big paper bags full of toys for both my children, i was shocked as the only thing shes ever brought them is a pair of socks.. children both started opening said gifts when my dd bought me over a piece of paper that was inside to read im assuming thinking it was a christmas card.
i started reading and to my absoloute horror it said “merry christmas from community assosiation” then at the bottom had a box ticked boy x girl x age and packed by x x x

i was absoloutley shocked, didnt make a thing of it until she had left later in the evening when i bought it up to dh. He completley didnt understand the situation and brushed it off.

googled the charity and its a homeless charity for children and adults facing homelessness and fleeing abuse (none of which she is!) no idea how on earth shes wrangled this but im absoloutley seething with anger at her for being so selfish taking from vulnerable children, lying and also not giving two hoots about her grandchildren that she cant even purchase them a gift.
the gifts were gorgeous and worth id say £60 per child easily that people have clearly bought to donate in good will.

What would you do? Do i confront her? Do i tell the chairty?

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/12/2025 04:01

I came across a working adult recently boasting how she goes to a food bank purposely bursts into tears as they then give her double...

She's a vile manipulative woman

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/12/2025 04:00

jpclarke · 28/12/2025 23:16

Maybe she doesn’t have the means to buy for your children but didn’t want to disappoint her grandchildren. If she uses food banks she might not be in a good place and might need support.

This clearly isn't true is it... She's working and has 3 adult kids at home who are presumably giving her keep..
Of course she can afford it...

There are scammers everywhere!

Bowies · 30/12/2025 03:51

That would make me feel quite sick.

Why is she also going to food banks?

She should be ashamed of taking advantage and depriving others of services that are there to support those in genuine need.

Agree with reporting her and she should start giving back to these services not taking,

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 00:26

Nanny0gg · 30/12/2025 00:23

It's up to anyone who knows that the system is being abused

Show quote history

The people living with her should be the people to speak out in my view but as I said more than once on this thread - some foodbanks don't require referrals and if they don't you can't stop someone from accessing it

Nanny0gg · 30/12/2025 00:23

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 00:02

It's not up to the OP to put a stop to her MIL going to foodbanks - why don't the 3 adults living in her house say something?

It's up to anyone who knows that the system is being abused

Roobarbtwo · 30/12/2025 00:02

It's not up to the OP to put a stop to her MIL going to foodbanks - why don't the 3 adults living in her house say something?

Straycats · 29/12/2025 23:59

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2025 09:51

It's not that easy to access a foodbank. How is she doing it and why haven't you put a stop to it?

Show quote history

It is as knew someone who had food delivered to her but spent a fortune on alcohol, whilst living mortgage free. She had more disposable cash than we did and my husband earned then really well.

catlover123456789 · 29/12/2025 23:44

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 18:38

I think the Mil should be giving the donation tbh

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Well yeah but I think that ship has long since sailed.

Kelly1969 · 29/12/2025 23:03

What a vile person!
I think it’s unlikely she got these gifts thru donating or other legitimate means, give the ages are on the gifts, plus her past stinginess.
my ex MIL is similarly tight, she uses a food scheme that is for retired NHS staff (and potentially current staff too) where they get discounted food from places like Waitroise and M &S.
Open to all apparently which makes me sick as she’s loaded and she takes my equally loaded Ex sil too.

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 22:57

CyclopsElf · 29/12/2025 22:55

I've read your posts but not the replies so apologies if I'm repeating others.

I would:

Dob her in by name and description to the homeless association and food bank- there is always a limited supply in order of neediness so other families will have missed out because of your MIL.

Make a donation to the homeless association for the gifts-you can't really take them off your kids as it's not their fault their granny is a tightwad. Whatever you think you can afford would be fair as it's also not your fault you're in this situation. This is preferable to giving the gifts back as after Christmas they aren't really that useful but money will be.

Get your DH to have a word with his mum about taking things from those who really can't afford it- let him know that everything she takes is taking something away from someone who really needs it. Maybe he can check that the adults at her home are paying her board so she isn't running short of cash.

I personally think the MIL should make the donation tbh - she caused this

CyclopsElf · 29/12/2025 22:55

I've read your posts but not the replies so apologies if I'm repeating others.

I would:

Dob her in by name and description to the homeless association and food bank- there is always a limited supply in order of neediness so other families will have missed out because of your MIL.

Make a donation to the homeless association for the gifts-you can't really take them off your kids as it's not their fault their granny is a tightwad. Whatever you think you can afford would be fair as it's also not your fault you're in this situation. This is preferable to giving the gifts back as after Christmas they aren't really that useful but money will be.

Get your DH to have a word with his mum about taking things from those who really can't afford it- let him know that everything she takes is taking something away from someone who really needs it. Maybe he can check that the adults at her home are paying her board so she isn't running short of cash.

Sennelier1 · 29/12/2025 22:39

I think you and your DH should talk with your MIL and make it clear you're embarassed by what she did. Whatever the outcome, yes, try and make it up with the organisation.

Beezz · 29/12/2025 21:59

Sisterlove · 29/12/2025 21:44

I can tell something is amiss with you. I'll leave you to reflect and do what your need to do.

Show quote history

Why the need to announce your departure? It’s not an airport!

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 21:47

Hmm1234 · 29/12/2025 21:23

How do you know shes really not poor and just hiding it…I can’t understand how people treat their own blood like this I have a stepmother who does similar things to my DC at this time of the year

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Her mortgage is paid off. She has a full time job - what has the OP done wrong here exactly?

Sisterlove · 29/12/2025 21:44

Beezz · 29/12/2025 21:06

Calling my response way off the charts seems at odds with the first part of your comment. Are you always this tactless?

Show quote history

I can tell something is amiss with you. I'll leave you to reflect and do what your need to do.

Hmm1234 · 29/12/2025 21:23

Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 22:56

Thats it really, just a bit taken aback!

MIL is a strange one at the best of times, always expects but never wants to give. She didnt get my children (her first and only grandchildren aged 2 and 4) anything last year but asked my dh why we didnt gift her anything. Anyway, fast forward to this christmas.

she came over for christmas day with two big paper bags full of toys for both my children, i was shocked as the only thing shes ever brought them is a pair of socks.. children both started opening said gifts when my dd bought me over a piece of paper that was inside to read im assuming thinking it was a christmas card.
i started reading and to my absoloute horror it said “merry christmas from community assosiation” then at the bottom had a box ticked boy x girl x age and packed by x x x

i was absoloutley shocked, didnt make a thing of it until she had left later in the evening when i bought it up to dh. He completley didnt understand the situation and brushed it off.

googled the charity and its a homeless charity for children and adults facing homelessness and fleeing abuse (none of which she is!) no idea how on earth shes wrangled this but im absoloutley seething with anger at her for being so selfish taking from vulnerable children, lying and also not giving two hoots about her grandchildren that she cant even purchase them a gift.
the gifts were gorgeous and worth id say £60 per child easily that people have clearly bought to donate in good will.

What would you do? Do i confront her? Do i tell the chairty?

How do you know shes really not poor and just hiding it…I can’t understand how people treat their own blood like this I have a stepmother who does similar things to my DC at this time of the year

Beezz · 29/12/2025 21:06

Sisterlove · 29/12/2025 19:58

I can see your definitely not okay to have said what you did. Take it easy and try and get some help/support, as your response is way off the charts.

Show quote history

Calling my response way off the charts seems at odds with the first part of your comment. Are you always this tactless?

tommyhoundmum · 29/12/2025 21:01

Jellyworms · 28/12/2025 23:15

She genuinley CAN afford gifts, has a well paid job and no mortgage plus 3 adult working children living at home! Just tight and doesnt want to spend a penny!

Show quote history

I wondered why she went to the food banks

Snugglemonkey · 29/12/2025 20:43

Marble10 · 29/12/2025 00:09

At this time of year, they are overflowing with donations of gifts, likely they had actually encouraged your MIL to do this. One of our local DV charities collected 2000 gift bags from 1 local company alone, I highly doubt there are 2000 individuals who are fleeing DV in our city. I wonder what they do with the items they haven’t gifted on, as they are all wrapped for Christmas particularly.

I went to a charity fundraiser before chrustmas and there was an auction for gift bundles. I bought one worth around £100 for £150. Might she have done something like that?

Sisterlove · 29/12/2025 19:58

Beezz · 29/12/2025 13:37

I think it’s blatantly obvious I am not!

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I can see your definitely not okay to have said what you did. Take it easy and try and get some help/support, as your response is way off the charts.

RolexHoarder · 29/12/2025 19:51

Bloody hell OP, I'm shocked someone would do this. That is so awful to take from those in need. From this story alone I am going to say some sort of MH issue regarding money. I personally would be having it out with her face to face in front of family, shame is the name of the game!

Ladyingreen999 · 29/12/2025 19:10

A friend of mine knows someone who goes to food banks and meals for the homeless (which are apparently provided by local restaurants so are really good!) despite not being homeless and not struggling financially. So I can believe that these things happen, they probably don't check in detail as most people would be mortified to use these services unless desperate. Sad as it puts people off donating.

Roobarbtwo · 29/12/2025 18:55

oldmoaner · 29/12/2025 18:53

I thought for food banks you had to be referred and have no money or food. A good pantry where you pay a set fee is different and most people can join those.

Not in every town. Some food banks allow walk ins

oldmoaner · 29/12/2025 18:53

I thought for food banks you had to be referred and have no money or food. A good pantry where you pay a set fee is different and most people can join those.

Festivespirit85 · 29/12/2025 18:43

Jellyworms · 29/12/2025 00:45

Because im sick of her behaviour and constantly asking for things yet giving my children nothing. Christmas is not about giving to recieve but when she sends us a list of things she wants for her birthday in the family group chat but cannot spend even £5 on my children no absoloutley not gifting her anything

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I would be exactly the same!