To not like Grandad tickling grandkids??

Also I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with tickling. I tickle ds but you gauge it on the child, your relationship, ages and how comfortable they are. I would tickle a bit, stop the second ds asks me to and won't tickle again unless asked. I'll also pause at points to give ds the opportunity to instigate if he wants to keep playing in that way. There are ways to do it without being overbearing towards children. I feel their ages make it more inappropriate though. Trust your gut.

I taught my ds from a very early age that if anyone (no matter who it is) is doing something he doesn't like or feel comfortable with then he tells them to stop. If they don't stop immediately then he has my permission to shout it at them and he tells me/ another grown up. I also model this at home during our interactions.

I also dislike this kind of play from my fil but it's easier as ds will now pretty quickly say himself that he doesn't like it and then I will immediately back him up if fil doesn't stop immediately. I think you need to have a conversation with your girls and with your dh. If he chooses to be offended rather than adjusting his behaviour then let him and act accordingly.

@Poodlelove : "I don't think I have ever tickled my children."

I'm sure I will be torn apart for saying it, but I think it is truly sad if we are not even supposed to give our own children an occasional tickle. 😶

This. How strange he’s started these games when your children are at these ages. Trust your instinct. If he takes offence, tough, your children come before his hurt feelings.

Oh my god, how awful 😖. What an absolute psycho to do that to a young girl (or anyone.)

Put like this, he may then simply ask permission - and the girls will feel under pressure to give it.

It needs to be a blanket rule: no tickling.

The laughter with tickles isn't voluntary. They can't help it, so it doesn't mean they enjoy it iyswim. I'm not saying he's a groomer buuut tickling is often a first step in abuse, so best to shut it down. I didn't allow it for my kids from anyone, ever. Tickling also goes against how we teach consensual touching and affection these days too, as it's difficult to set boundaries for the children.

Tell him loudly and clearly to stop and don’t stop telling him until he does. Make sure he knows you see him. I had a grandad with hands.

Definitely relevant here

I dnt know. They have weird boundaries, the ex sil 43 would smack Fils butt just odd

Course they were laughing! It’s a reflex because they are being tickled! If a rapist tickled you your laugh!

Wtf. What is wrong with people?! What grown man wants a child to do that?!

It's very strange he's only just started this game now. Surely this would be OK if he used to tickle them when tiny and he still just did. But why start now? Very odd.

Tickling children by an adult is vile. Tell him not to.

It may be innocent, grandfather with old fashioned ideas about but boundaries. But I would trust your instincts regardless of how offended he may get. My abuser, a family member, used tickling as one of the ways he groomed me to be compliant.

You need to discuss a way forward on the situation with your DH, not ask a bunch of strangers on the internet who don’t know your FIL, so can’t really make a judgement. My late DF used to tickle my DCs and it honestly didn’t freak me out at all, but I obviously knew my DF and that he would never hurt my DCs.

That doesn't mean they were happy with it. People laugh for all kinds of reasons. Talk to them about it and make sure they understand they don't have to accept it.

People are winding you up here with comments like "maybe he likes it"! Tell him not to do it any more. It will be awkward, but do it anyway. If he's offended, he's offended, it won't kill him - if it's super important to him, that's all the more reason to stop it! I think tickling is horrible- it's a way of forcing a panic reaction out of people whatever the age, and it's particularly dodgy with pubescent kids. "I don't like tickling, so it's a house rule that no-one does it."

That sound tough. My ex Fil and mil and sil when babysitting DD3 would blow raspberry's on her tummy and then expect her to do it to them, esp my xFIL on his hairy belly button. When I found out I absolutely shut it down told the in-laws I dont want her to do that it's weird and equally told my DD separately if she gets asked not to do it and say no. It stopped after a few weeks of me expressing my disgust. My ex in-laws hate me for putting boundaries in

My uncle used to tickle me until I literally cried. There was nothing sexual, but I felt so vulnerable. It's a power thing, a type of bullying.
I hated it.

Thank you x
I have managed to have a lovely life, and raised a beautiful dd, but posts like this make me so uneasy.
The majority of childhood sexual abuse is carried out by family members, not strangers.

I’d say something like “we teach the girls that you need to ask permission before touching someone else’s body, including tickling”. He’ll think you’re OTT but who cares!

I’d definitely say that in front of your girls and talk to them about consent and also how to find their voices to tell adults to stop if they don’t like something.

I would not put the onus on the children.

I’d be telling him to stop it with immediate effect. If he continued, it would be a sharp reprimand. I wouldn’t give a shit if he was offended. If he the continued, he would not be seeing the children.

This!

Agree

men can be spoken to directly by women about their behaviour - we don’t have to hide away

desperately sorry for what you went through - highlights how we all need to be vigilant