To not like Grandad tickling grandkids??

If it feels off it usually is

your gut is your intuition brain

nearly always right

I really really hated being tickled. Various older male relatives / friends did it. Yes I laughed while feeling inwardly sickened. If anyone asked if I minded I would have said no, because I was conditioned that way.

Absolutely is essential to know, not enough people know quite obviously.
You don't get to censor me, report it if you like but otherwise scroll past uncomfortable information.

Your dh needs to step up and say ' hey, stop the tickling' and mean it. He might not like confronting an older male relative if he has been raised to respect and do as his elders dictate. And believes no one would do anything untoward within the family. For example, showing sudden interest in little girls hitting puberty and wanting to tickle them.

Honesty is the best policy - ‘hey grandad, don’t tickle the kids, only pedophiles do that’ and see how that goes down.

You can’t rely on the children or put that kind of responsibility on them.

Tickling at that age is inappropriate. Trust instincts and protect girls with no own time with him

YANBU. It is very likely innocent, but it's a bit weird NGL.

Tell your husband to tell him to stop it.

This.

Not necessary info to share.

I find this really sad. Why shouldn’t he tickle their knees? How is he allowed to show affection? Having said that I do believe in trusting your instincts but if the kids are laughing about it I’m not sure?

Sadly I've experience of abusers using tickling to roughshod boundaries both as a child and as an adult and it is something I'm quite prickly and protective about.

He's only recently started doing it and their 12 and 9? I think most kids that age would think it weird if a relative started doing that, especially as it's not something he's done all their lives.

Have the kids mentioned it?
I'd ask them how they feel about it.

I'd also talk to your kids about safe people, good and bad secrets, consent, boundaries, etc. I'm sure you'll have done some of this sort of stuff anyway but sadly it is a conversation we need to reiterate over the years with our kids.

They need to know you are a safe person they can trust and that they never have to feel uncomfortable to keep the peace or please someone else.

Also: don't dismiss your instincts. We have them for good reason.

Please listen to your gut on this one OP. It sounds really creepy. I don't know any girls (or boys) of that age who would be genuinely ok with this.

If your children don’t want this they will tell him. I personally don’t like being tickled but it’s a personal choice.

So you have the assumption he’s a predator and also into incest?

As others have said, trust your gut. You are subconsciously picking up on something that is off. Talk to your husband but ultimately nip it in the bud and tell him to stop. If he refuses, I would cut contact.

Nope, the responsibility to stop this does not lie with the children, and he shouldn’t be given the chance to escalate his behaviour. The mum needs to put her children first and just tell him not to do it again. If he goes in the huff that’s his problem, not hers.

For me, tickling was used by a relative as a means to break down barriers and abuse me so I get really triggered by it.

Disagree.

Its completely wrong to put this on them.
This moves responsibility to them.

They are children... they shouldnt need a fucking code word to stop their grandfather feeling them up....

Would you think this is all okay if it was your girls? If your DDs said they weren't bothered would you just sit there and watch him touch them up while getting an erection???

Terrible advice...

By all means discuss body autonomy generally but this specific incident should be dealt with by the grownups

My DS is in specialist school and gets a taxi home. One of the other children kept saying he'll tickle DS. He was about this age - and we said to the school, this is not appropriate even if DS likes it. School agreed and he was no longer in a taxi with that boy.
Your DD are old enough to know some things are no longer appropriate - especially the 12 year old. Tell her you're going to stop Grandad doing this, even if she doesn't mind she's too old, just like her friend Amy used to have a bath with her brother when they were babies but they can't any more.
You can use similar words with your younger DD or put it differently.
FIL needs to be told firmly this will not happen, you are their mother and he can like it or lump it.

You’ll have to say -stop. No tickling games please-
then distract with something.
I can’t stand tickling. I don’t allow it in the house.
you’ll have to risk causing offence if it happens

Please remember children especially girls feel under pressure to be nice. At that age they shouldn’t have to ask their grandad to stop. Laughing will probably be a trauma response. A man they hardly know has suddenly started touching them.

I would ask girls if they mind being tickled and remind them it’s also ok to say no to him, and agree a code phrase if they need you to stop, eg ‘ noo that’s too much tickling!’ Or ‘EEK!’

Even more reason to say no tickling.
Trust your gut.