To not like Grandad tickling grandkids??

Even if your daughters liked being tickled when they were little, they are of an age when it’s time to stop, not start. That’s ridiculous and highly inappropriate. Put a stop to it now and don’t worry about causing offence-that’s performative to get you to back off.

I have seen tickling progress (in a very sneaky way) to worse. I’d ask my husband to stop it.

If he doesn’t then I wouldn’t hesitate to tell the grandad not to do it.

Your gut is correct - act on it and protect your kids.

Ask your girls how they feel about it & let them know its ok to tell Grandad to stop if they don't like it. If you see him doing it, casually say something like 'stop messing about, it's annoying them' Always go with your gut feeling where your kids safety is concerned. Even if it's all innocent you're looking out for your kids.

Would it be easier for DH to address it as it's his family

Just to add to my previous comment. My neighbour never did anything more to me as in touch wise but it made me feel weird about being in a room alone with my dad and my uncle and I hated him for that. Looking back as a emotionally intelligent adult I think as a kid I was just confused as I didn't know the boundaries.
I can't call him a p..dophile but there was definate potential and you obviously don't want to imply your FIL is because it could and likely is completely innocent but at the same time the kids need to understand boundaries on what is and isn't appropriate, and just tell him your trying to teach that but they're getting confused so you'd just rather it all stopped.

You need to trust your gut on this.
Living experience here of trusting my gut and potentially saving myself from being sexually abused as a kid. Obviously back then I didn't really understand what this person was doing but as an adult I realise he was testing the waters on what he can get away with doing, like touching my bum or rubbing the tops of my legs when I was sat on his lap, luckily I was never left alone with him for any period of time. The final straw was when he had very little clothes on and tried to get me to go into his bedroom, i was upstairs playing with a dolls house and his wife was downstairs. But something in me made me realise this wasn't ok and I stopped going there as i felt confused. I was like 8-9 then, but who knows what could have happened. This was 30 years ago now.

English is my first language, but I had a very creepy uncle who would cuddle me and its made me hate cuddles and physical affection to this day

DH didnt receive hugs growing up at all so hes not affectionate, so its just not our way

Abusers are all like that! This is what they rely on - people not wanting to “offend” them or upset them so this is why they carry on being allowed to abuse in plain sight

It is indeed true and many women have felt a lot of guilt and shame for it. Posters telling you that they doubt you and that it’s a shocking thing to say really don’t help. It makes women who have been through it feel worse. By saying they doubt any woman has ever orgasmed while being raped is judging those it has happened to and only a step away from saying they must have enjoyed it, which I have seen said. It shows a lack of empathy, a lack of understanding of the human body and possibly a touch of misogyny.

Well it's true, sorry to burden you with that knowledge.

Men tickle children because men like it - not because children like it. I’ve never known a woman who got a kick out of tickling children. I utterly hate it, it’s a control thing, it’s not funny, it’s not ok, and I’d cheerfully chop the arms off the men that laugh while they do it.

I was SA as a child, repeatedly, by a relative. He didn’t tickle, but I accept that my hostility and rage at men who use children’s bodies for entertainment may be skewed.

My dad used to do this to me all the time, it was his awkward way of showing affection (outward displays of emotion/love were not something he experienced growing up, so didn't do the same with me). It's harmless...unless there's other behaviour that concerns you?

Thanks for this- I suppose it’s up to the parents to keep reinforcing & modelling. Male fragility needs calling out just as much too & an awareness of it is used to silence young women & girls & gaslight us.

OP, I worked with someone who used to tickle the knees of teenage girls (in a voluntary role where he had access to them, pre-DBS). He creeped everyone one out and we all hated him but couldn’t get rid of him because there was no proof. Then, suddenly, he disappeared with a ‘bad back’ and couldn’t help any more. A few months later we saw in the local press that he had been arrested as part of the dismantling of an online child porn ring and had gone to prison. Also, my DH’s sister was sexually abused by a close family member. It started when she reached puberty. That family member died in prison for his crimes. Protect those girls. Screw his reaction. I’ve seen the damage SA does and I’d offend anyone rather than risk my children.

I doubt any women has ever orgasmed whilst be raped. shocking thing to say.

Yes it is, from good touches and bad touches, PANTS rule, feeling uncomfortable, consent, personal space , tell,tell,tell, who the trusted adults are, helping children to identify their trusted adults etc.

I've always felt really weird about adults tickling kids, and thought it was just me. I wondered if I was depriving my kids of something by not tickling them, but now I think that I made the right call. We laugh, joke and connect in many other ways

What you describe is not quite the same. The attention in this OP started later. My FIL is an involved ‘hands on’ dare I say FIL, I have no worries. He too would tickle my D’s but it naturally stopped as they got older. He is sensitive to their personal space.

That's because there are a huge amount of people around who do inappropriate thing.
It's not something you put up with. No one wants to think a relative or relation or friend is attracted to children. Doesn't mean you ignore suspicious behaviour or hope it goes away on its own.

These sorts of stories are getting more and more prolific. Seems there's tens of thousands of 'wronguns' about these days ?! Talking generally, not necessarily about grandpa.

I agree, the ‘tickling’ is a confusing facade, which will make it very difficult for the children to identify what is wrong or inappropriate in this, which is why the adults need to hold the boundary, it is not the responsibility of the children to do so. Laughter is also often an automatic response to traumatic distress. This behaviour is unnecessary, inappropriate, and concerning.

Just thinking about how the tide is fortunately turning in favour of bodily autonomy for some - but is this taught actively in schools? I do think life skills & role playing all of this should be reinforced an introduced from the get go. Harder tho if not something that was necessarily instilled in you as a young woman & more something you learn through negative life experiences. There’s still the perception that asserting bodily autonomy & rights to consenting who touches you - is reserved for snowflakes. Yes obvs patriarchal rhetoric & the stuff used to keep us in our box - but how actively is it reinforced in education? I imagine now all adults/ care givers etc have to ask a child for consent if they have to touch them? Eg a doctor to examine etc??? Do they though in reality? I know there is a line between professional, clinical necessity & consent obvs. But so many innately people pleasing, fearful of authority, “good” girls may view someone asking to touch them as still something she “should” consent to. Anyway off topic a bit I know. Be interesting to hear others’ input who do have daughters.

Still makes you think about it though. My daughter in law is very much into discussing appropriate and inappropriate behaviour with the kids to make them aware which is good. It’s so different these days.
Luckily we have never experienced any abusive behaviour and hopefully our grandchildren never will.
I do remember as a child being warned never to go into one of my school friends house because of her dad. I didn’t really understand why at least kids are more aware and may be able to tell a relative if they’re uncomfortable.

Hi.

I think you and your DH are ok as the children are younger and they're tickling you back. Plus you're an active part of your grandchildrens lives.
OP said that this man has only been in touch with the girls now that they're older. He definitely shouldn't be touching a 12yr old and 9yr olds legs

The TW who ran Edinburgh Rape Crisis was reputed to have asked rape survivors whether they had orgasmed while being raped. That’s the only other time I’d heard of it.