To think manners were always a 'thing'

59 replies

Hidingupatree · 28/12/2025 17:01

I remember being a little girl and noticing that my mother never said 'please' or 'thank you' to anyone in the family. I remember resenting being told to 'pass me the butter' or 'go and get my purse' etc and as I approached the end of primary school, noticed other children's parents saying please and thank you to them and thinking it was so weird.

So then I decided to enforce 'please' and 'thank you' with my sister who is 6 years my junior. I remember being on this big mission to make sure she had lovely manners and I actually became obsessed with saying please and thank you to people.

Then when I had kids, my mum told me I was being bossy when I made my own children say please and thank you and that it was OTT. Everyone comments on what lovely manners my children have so I don't care if my mum thought i was being OTT.

Anyway, recently I was talking to mum and she said that when she was a child, nobody used manners (born in the 50s). I said what about at home? What if someone gave you something? She said that nobody ever handed her anything (!) and so there was never any need to say please or thank you. She said 'all this please and thank you stuff' is a modern thing and nobody taught their children to say it in her day.

Am I right in thinking that this is just rubbish and maybe her mum didn't bother with manners but the rest of her generation did?

OP posts:

Power26 · 28/12/2025 17:27

If anything I think manners were more prevalent in the past as social etiquette? Calling your teacher “sir” for example? Wasn’t it very much children should be seen and not heard? Ie polite, causing no trouble etc?

RawBloomers · 28/12/2025 17:27

Please and thank you was for outside the home, not family when I was growing up.

Swiftie1878 · 28/12/2025 17:27

Your mum is just rude and trying to justify it. She’s talking complete nonsense.

EveSix · 28/12/2025 17:25

For some reason, I find your mum's take on this fascinating. My mum and grandma were definitely into their pleases and thank yous.

I wonder what it was that made your mum so adamant it wasn't a thing?

LBFseBrom · 28/12/2025 17:21

I was a child in the 1950s and was taught to say 'please' and 'thank you', so were other children - and (thankfully), they still are!

I think your mum is an isolated case. It's sad nobody ever gave her anything.

However I must say I didn't always find adults to be very well mannered. They might have done the 'please & thank yous', but in other ways, were quite ill-mannered at times, didn't show respect.

Original poster

Hidingupatree · 28/12/2025 17:17

I knew it. What she was saying are absolutely no sense but she was trying to imply that nobody in her generation was raised with manners and that it's a modern day phenomenon. And then when she said that there was literally never a reason to say please or thank you because nobody ever physically gave her anything except her meals which were already on the table. I thought it was so strange.

OP posts:

Talltreesbythelake · 28/12/2025 17:09

She is wrong, my parents were young in the 50s and they definitely were taught manners and brought us up to say please and thank you. I remember my grandparents asking me to say please before they passed me things at the dinner table, so manners were very important then. In fact, my grandparents would call their close friends Mr Smith or Mrs Jones and shake hands on meeting. They were not fans of being casual!

TheChosenTwo · 28/12/2025 17:04

What?! I mean I certainly know people with poor manners but they are very much the exception to the rule!
Manners are important, they convey gratitude and respect and people are so much more likely to want to spend time with you/help you/support you if you show them basic manners.

OurChristmasMiracle · 28/12/2025 17:03

My mum was bought up in the 60s (she was born in 1947) and she always enforced the manners for us too as it was how she was bought up.

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