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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christmas Arrangement

39 replies

Walksey · 28/12/2025 16:17

I am remarried, been together 25 years. I have 2 adult children with 2 young grandchildren. I am their only living grand parent. I have ALWAYS spent Xmas with my daughter and my grandchildren. My husband has been happy to join me.This year he said I should go to his family. We always see them on Boxing day.
I went to my daughter's and he went to his son's.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 28/12/2025 16:53

Arlanymor · 28/12/2025 16:25

Are you asking if you are being unreasonable for never spending Christmas Day with him and his son in 25 years? A quarter of a century?

I mean, really, are you asking that?

She has been spending with him, but not his son. I can’t see what’s wrong with that. If OP had been demanding that her DH only saw her family every Xmas every year, then fair enough. Both should be allowed to do what they want to do. I’m sure DHs son, who has no family connection to OP, isn’t going to be too upset that she doesn’t spend Xmas with him. His df married her. He didn’t.

Arlanymor · 28/12/2025 16:36

LonginesPrime · 28/12/2025 16:34

I think this depends on whether OP’s DH has been desperately trying to spend Christmas Day with his DS for 25 years while OP has forced him to accompany her to her DD’s house against his will, or whether he has willingly chosen to spend Christmas with her over his DS during this time.

Assuming he has made his own decision for the past 25 years and hasn’t been coerced by OP, it doesn’t sound like it’s OP’s fault if her DH has taken 25 years to realise they can spend a day apart without imploding.

Show quote history

I agree and that's what I was wondering too - the AIBU isn't remotely clear.

Lots of people split arrangements over Christmas, so I am just trying to get to the bottom of it really.

As you say, if he's been asking to rotate for years then it's one issue, but if it's that she is annoyed that he went somewhere else this year then it's another.

harriethoyle · 28/12/2025 16:35

Your poor son. Strong golden child vibes about DD. And yes YABU imposing this on DH for 24 years.

LonginesPrime · 28/12/2025 16:34

Arlanymor · 28/12/2025 16:25

Are you asking if you are being unreasonable for never spending Christmas Day with him and his son in 25 years? A quarter of a century?

I mean, really, are you asking that?

I think this depends on whether OP’s DH has been desperately trying to spend Christmas Day with his DS for 25 years while OP has forced him to accompany her to her DD’s house against his will, or whether he has willingly chosen to spend Christmas with her over his DS during this time.

Assuming he has made his own decision for the past 25 years and hasn’t been coerced by OP, it doesn’t sound like it’s OP’s fault if her DH has taken 25 years to realise they can spend a day apart without imploding.

Arlanymor · 28/12/2025 16:25

Are you asking if you are being unreasonable for never spending Christmas Day with him and his son in 25 years? A quarter of a century?

I mean, really, are you asking that?

Createausername1970 · 28/12/2025 16:24

Maybe he is fed up of ALWAYS spending Christmas day with your family. You haven't ALWAYS spent Xmas day with your young grandchildren.

If this was a woman complaining they always have to go to in-laws, the replies would be let DH keep going to his family, but you toughen up and go to yours.

The boot is on the other foot - but the sentiment is the same.

Wolfpa · 28/12/2025 16:23

When did you have the conversation about where you were going?

Ubugly · 28/12/2025 16:23

Couples can spend xmas in different places, he can spend with his kids and you can go to your daughters. Really don't see the big deal and he could have done this the last 25 years if he wanted to!

ThatCyanJoker · 28/12/2025 16:22

I like your this year’s arrangement. I’m in a similar position and might adopt that going forward. It’s one day- I can manage without DH and he likewise.

notatinydancer · 28/12/2025 16:22

Not fair on him at all.

LonginesPrime · 28/12/2025 16:21

Is DH saying YABU?

You both did what you wanted and neither prevented the other one from their plans - short of getting both sides together for Christmas (which could cause all sorts of logistical and hosting issues), it sounds like you both settled on the best option.

Sirzy · 28/12/2025 16:21

Sending a very clear message that his children don’t matter there!

if he has spent every year with your children then fair would be for you to have made some effort to see his on Christmas Day

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 28/12/2025 16:20

so in 25 years he’s not spent Christmas with his family, or you with your son?

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/12/2025 16:19

After 25 years it wouldn’t have killed you to go to his family for Christmas. He’s been extremely accommodating.