Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my husband bu

28 replies

migrainy · 28/12/2025 14:00

My mum borrowed my neck massage thing. I’ve now come down with a bad migraine and my neck and shoulder is so tight and I’ve tried meds which haven’t helped. I really want my neck massager back but husband has the car at work and I’m home with the baby. He drives passed my mums house to get home it’s max a 2 minute detour up a side road. I’ve just asked if he can grab it on the way home and he’s said he’s not really going via my mums so no. I know if I begged and said please etc he would eventually go but I don’t feel I should have too. If I knew someone was at home not well and I could help I would. Am I asking too much. I know my mum would drop it over but she’s busy and would be coming out her way where as he isn’t.

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 28/12/2025 14:12

Tbh i think the mistake you both make is the reference to it being on the way home. Even if it isnt... his wife with a baby needs it because shes uncomfortable.

Unless youve specifically told him how much pain youre in he isnt unreasonable to say oh im not going that way.

But imo the route via your mums is irrelevant. Just say my neck is causing me pain so can you please detour that way regardless

takealettermsjones · 28/12/2025 14:06

I mean it really depends on whether you told him about the migraine. If he just thinks you want it back now and he had planned to go to a specific shop on the way home or something then he may not have thought anything of it. If he knows you're in pain and this is the one thing that will alleviate it then of course he's BU.

Arlanymor · 28/12/2025 14:02

From what you've said he doesn't sound very caring - why does he think two minutes is going out of his way? Is he travelling a different way home, does he have somewhere else to go before he gets home? I might mention to him that the neck massager would help with your symptoms and that if you don't have it then you'll probably have to go to bed, so that means he'll be looking after the baby by himself tonight... not that you should have to resort to saying it in the first place.