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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Struggling with Dad’s new friend.

107 replies

Sunnywinterdays1 · 28/12/2025 11:22

So my DM passed away in 2013. She was a wonderful woman, wise, kind, minded her own business, strong and determined. Dad, who is now nearly 80, has found himself a companion, she is a nice enough lady, very quiet, easy going, is very good with my DC I must admit, but I am struggling a little bit with just how much time she spends at DF’s home (our old family home) she stays a few nights here and there, but over Christmas she has stayed for nearly a fortnight. She came to ours with DF for Christmas lunch and stayed for the afternoon which was nice. We usually spend a few days at dads house over Christmas for the kids to play etc, but I went yesterday and must admit I struggled to watch her put the kettle on for us, cook with mums dishes, she had her jewerlly on my DM’s dressing table and it just felt a bit of a kick in the stomach for mum. Im glad DF has company, she is good to him, AIBU to have these feelings?

OP posts:
Goldengirl123 · 28/12/2025 11:28

I can’t vote either way as I was in the same position so I know exactly how you feel.

Original poster
Sunnywinterdays1 · 28/12/2025 11:28

grinchmcgrinchface · 28/12/2025 11:27

sorry op but it was 13 years ago, your dad deserves to be happy. This is a you problem.

Oh it 100% is a me problem i know that

OP posts:
Dolamroth · 28/12/2025 11:27

Kindly, a bit unreasonable. But I understand it must be hard to watch.

If your dad is happy and his friend is nice then you have to try and let it go. Your mum sounds lovely and would want you all to be happy.

Original poster
Sunnywinterdays1 · 28/12/2025 11:27

BIWI · 28/12/2025 11:26

If you’d said your mum died in 2023 I might have a bit more sympathy. But it was 12 years ago! Your dad deserves to be happy, surely?

He does, i am glad he has company i really am, im just struggling a bit, ill get used to it im sure.

OP posts:
grinchmcgrinchface · 28/12/2025 11:27

sorry op but it was 13 years ago, your dad deserves to be happy. This is a you problem.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 28/12/2025 11:27

I think after being on his own for over a decade, it is fantastic that he has met, by the sounds of it, a very lovely companion.

It might make you feel uncomfortable and your feelings are your feelings so nobody can say they're right or wrong.

But she's not replacing your mum in any way, shape or form and your dad is entitled to have her move in if he wants to.

You'll get more used to it in time and just be thankful he's found someone to share his elderly years with.

BIWI · 28/12/2025 11:26

If you’d said your mum died in 2023 I might have a bit more sympathy. But it was 12 years ago! Your dad deserves to be happy, surely?