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AIBU?

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Original poster

Rude 5 years old l. at my wits end!

34 replies

RealReginaPhalange · 28/12/2025 08:09

How do you deal with rude 5 year old boy? I am just fed up. He CAN be polite and usually knows whats rude but its been going on for so long. He has many good moments but i would say same amount of bad moments. While some things are normal at his age i dont think i am asking for too much to for example say “good morning“ to someone we know while walking to school. Its his birthday, i had a conversation with him how to be polite and say thank you when people call to wish him happy birthday. His grandmom just called and he got upset because she asked how is he feeling, if he is still coughing (been pretty ill whole week), didnt want her to sing happy birthday, didnt want her to wish him anything, just covered his face and didnt engage. It was same last year so its not a new behaviour.

its usually like that when a family member call me and want to say at least “hi” to him (no family nearby so contact via phone is often, but i never push him to sit in fromt of the phone and talk, small steps, like hello, rather than asking for too much and he sometimes on a good day is fine but i have to have endless conversations about manners)

there is always something every day, i could go on and on but i am just upset that i spoke to him about it and he was so bluntly rude to my mom and i snapped (after we ended the call). Now i feel guilty for snapping on his birthday but so angry i cant find the way to change it. Conversations, taking privileges away like tv (although he doesnt watch much), good behaviour reward chart, you name it…

what do i do now?

OP posts:
Willowy2 · 28/12/2025 08:27

This isn't rude. My son is now 11 and just been diagnosed ASD. One standout thing was he struggled to speak to people. Even his friends at school. We'd be walking through the playground and all his friends would be calling hello and he'd literally act like they didn't exist. He also has no social smile which sometimes means he is expressionless. I used to, and still do, alot of speaking for him in these situations, so I would wave hello, say thank you, etc. I will also tell people he's not very chatty today. Your child is only 5, underlying reasons or not, he's not being rude. You model the behaviour for him, not by insisting he speaks when he feels uncomfortable but by saying all the pleases and thank yous and hellos when he is unable to.

Minniliscious · 28/12/2025 08:24

If he’s been ill all week then that would be a contributing factor. I don’t want to speak to people when I’m ill. Sounds like the poor things just really out of sorts.

bohnerific69 · 28/12/2025 08:24

What are other examples of him being rude apart from not wanting to speak to people sometimes? (Which isn’t rude btw, that’s so normal for a 5 year old)

buckleberryferry · 28/12/2025 08:22

ok, you’re right that it can seem rude if he’s not talking to people when you ask/demand. But it sounds like it’s making him uncomfortable. He’s only just 5 and in 6 months time or 2 years time he might be the chattiest little boy on the phone or whatever.
You need a little strategy like ‘Nana is in FaceTime, Alfie, can you give her a wave’ then let him go.

is it just these interactions? Or is there another way you’re perceiving him as rude? I think he’s just either shy or a busy little boy that doesn’t want to talk right now. Just set a good example, and don’t make it a massive deal, it’ll turn it into a pattern and a source of stress each time.

As a footnote, it’s ok to be quiet, it’s ok to be shy. A high five or a wave is fine too. 2 out of 3 of my kids were painfully shy at this age and behaved in a similar way. They were never forced to speak and I’d say ‘oh she takes a while to warm up’ or whatever. They now don’t actively seek to talk to people but they’re extremely polite.

Original poster
RealReginaPhalange · 28/12/2025 08:21

@Alexadidzammomarryjackie it was only the fraction of him being rude, the latest situation. He is rude to me or his dad as well. To other people who visit, when we go and visit.

OP posts:
DramaQueenlady · 28/12/2025 08:19

Sounds like he doesn't want to be the focus and center of attention. Thats social skills not bad behaviour. He's 5. Give the kid a break. If he has to communicate with family really just by phone its difficult. 5 year olds just want to run about and play.

If you face time maybe try just letting your mum watch him, ask him to just say hi then leave him to it. Yabu with your expectations sorry.

sesquipedalian · 28/12/2025 08:17

It’s his birthday. You leave it. Today really is not the day for life lessons. When you say he was “bluntly rude” to his grandmother, what did he do? Or did he just decline to say hello? He’s five - he doesn’t have much agency, so you need to let him know that it is important to Granny that he says hello, but that’s all he has to do. Does he perhaps feel ignored when you’re on a call? That might be a trigger for poor behaviour. We all lose it with our DC sometimes and then feel bad afterwards - but you really won’t encourage him to become sociable by snapping at him! And five is well young to “appreciate” being sung to, or to have to talk about things he’s not interested in. Just leave it for a bit. I can’t say as a child I was ever required to say “Good morning” to anyone - if my mother wanted to greet her friends, that was up to her, but why would a child want to engage? You are expecting an only just five year old to behave like a much older child.

HopelesslyNaive98 · 28/12/2025 08:13

Your expectations are too high. Your child isn’t rude, he is a normal 5 year old.

Alexadidzammomarryjackie · 28/12/2025 08:13

Stop making him speak to people.

I thought you were going to say he was rude to you, but it appears he's only 'rude' when you put him in a stressful situation. Stop doing it and the rudeness will stop. Ask him if he wants to speak to them and if he says no, leave it.