My mum is a wonderful woman, she’s now in her early 80s and she is now struggling with her physical health, she has arthritis and often times struggles with walking distances or stairs.
30 years ago my father died, my mum packed up her life and moved to central London, small flat but perfectly suitable for her. She loves it there, mansion blocks above shops, always some hustle and bustle about. When she was younger she was seldom home, a lovely social life, lots of time at museums etc. and she grew quite fond of going to church.
Now many of her friends have gone into care homes or moved to be close to family, she still has some she calls or writes to but she is hardly socially active.
We opted to hire her a cleaner who goes twice a week and she has got the hang of ordering shopping online.
Her building however has no lift, she’s on the first floor and can just about manage the stairs but I fear it’s only a matter of time until she can’t or has a fall. We are also quite far away, down in Sussex, my brother even further up in the Lake District.
A little over a year ago the most wonderful couple moved in across from her, one of them works from home and is always happy to help but I feel bad for them, the woman is maybe only 25, anytime my mum needs help with something she calls on her, be it getting her little shopping trolley up the stairs, taking out rubbish etc.
She’s not willing to cook anymore, I think she worries as she can’t forget she’s put something in the oven. I order her meals from a company who deliver meals that can just be put in the microwave and she is quite happy with that.
She busies herself most of the day with reading, knitting or watching the news.
Here is the issue this week her lovely neighbours are going home. My mum called me last night in quite the tizzy, upset, how will she get her rubbish down, she doesn’t like doing the stairs too much, how will she get her shopping trolley up, what if there is some sort of emergency (in the past she has called on them when she had a leak from the flat above for example). Considering they have only been there a year she seems to have entirely forgotten how to live without them. Not only do I think this is unfair on her neighbours (they never accept money but my mum does get them gifts from time to time and got them a larger gift at Christmas), but also just no way to live. She doesn’t need to be housebound.
I’ve asked her to consider selling but it’s always met with pure refusal, I’m not suggesting she has to leave London or even central London but maybe finding a ground floor property or somewhere with a lift, she refuses. It’s gotten to the stage where she only leaves the house maybe 2 times a week, once for mass and another time to do some shopping (she likes to go out to buy fruit and veg, bread etc.) but even with shopping she’s started asking the neighbours to pick her up some bits.
She seems rather adamant that she will die in the flat. I have asked about what she will do when the stairs are beyond her, she has told me deliveries and if she ever needs it carers in the home (she has lots of money put away so would be able to afford it).
AIBU to think she really needs to think pragmatically, she could have 20 years left! This is now way to live! Or do I need to respect that she is happy as she is and leave her to it, even if it means I spend every day fearing she’s fallen down the stairs?