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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a card that says ‘mummy’

120 replies

Cheepcheepcheep · 27/12/2025 22:34

I’m aware this might be extremely precious and if it is then I’d like to be told as much.

Last Christmas, DH got me a card that said ‘happy Christmas mum’ on the front. I told him at the time that, with DCs 2 and 4 at that stage, I’d have liked a ‘mummy’ card. I’m aware they won’t call me mummy forever and I wanted a ‘mummy’ card - I hopefully will have many years of being ‘mum’ but very few where I’m mummy.

Roll on to my birthday in the Spring and I got a ‘mum birthday’ card. It wasn’t a falling out but I reminded him, for the small window I’m ‘mummy’ I’d like a card that says mummy on it not a card one would get their elderly mum.

Roll around Christmas and my card from the kids says ‘to a lovely mum’

AIBU to be a bit upset? We don’t have money for presents this year and I didn’t want anything that cost, but a card saying ‘mum’ on the front feels a bit tone deaf after what I’ve said.

Eldest won’t call me mummy for much longer and it made me sad. I know many have bigger crosses to bear but still

OP posts:
Namechangerage · 27/12/2025 23:30

YANBU! I buy my husband a “daddy” card from the kids (or they make one). It is what they call him and there is always a daddy option in the shop. Or you can order one with a photo from moonpig in about 30 seconds. He always buys me a mummy card too. I would find it really strange if he didn’t. Plus the fact you told him this and he ignored you twice is unfair.

GalaxyJam · 27/12/2025 23:29

I don’t think I’ve ever had a bought card from my kids, and they’re tweens now. They always made one, whether at home, nursery or school. Haven’t they bought home any cards they’ve made?

onwards2025 · 27/12/2025 23:27

I totally agree with you and is something I have had to point out far too may times including being very blunt. Always mocked for it as if being very unreasonable but I'm not "mum" I'm "mummy"

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 27/12/2025 23:26

Cheepcheepcheep · 27/12/2025 22:58

I’d love that! But we’re both working parents and I totally get it buying one is easier that’s fine <looks at all the dinners I’ve made in 2025>

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So there it is. And that’s not unreasonable - you’ve done a bunch of wife work (all the dinners), you asked your DH to manage something that was meaningful to you, and he couldn’t be bothered now three times in a row.

I mean yes, my overwhelming feeling is, “There are worse things that happen at sea.” BUT I don’t think this is just about the “mummy” thing. I reckon he forgets for the next holiday or can’t spend 20 bloody minutes making a card with the kids, you’re probably going to lose your shite on him. Dunno what to tell you, but I think a lot of us understand your feelings, even if they’re about a bit of a “precious” subject.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 27/12/2025 23:25

Cheepcheepcheep · 27/12/2025 23:22

I asked him tonight before I started the thread. He just didn’t think it was a big deal.

Maybe I wasn’t clear enough the last couple of times..

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I don’t get this. He’s apparently a lovely man and a fantastic partner. You’ve asked multiple times for one small thing. He’s repeatedly failed to do said small thing. You ask him why and he’s like ‘I didn’t think it was a big deal’? Despite the fact that you’d asked multiple times?

Does he normally listen to you?

Hello12345678910 · 27/12/2025 23:25

gogomomo2 · 27/12/2025 22:49

My dh refers to his mum as mummy, doesn’t have to have a shelf life (he’s retired, she’s passed away!) my dc (adults) call me mama

My 70yo father still calls his (deceased) mother "mummy" - im 34 and call my mum "mummy" - my (admittedly 1 and 3 year old) children call me mama..

Though, my other half has been able to source "mama" cards for me 😆🥰

Tryingatleast · 27/12/2025 23:24

While I get it seems and sounds ridiculous, you’ve told him three times about something that’s not everyday in the least and explained why you really really really want it so actually it’s a bit mad he’s not gone and bought something that all bigger card shops will have (I worried in the card section of a not huge shop and they always had mam, mum, mother, mummy, mammy and we ordered and got in mother in law cards too!!!)

yolopp · 27/12/2025 23:23

Babyboomtastic · 27/12/2025 23:19

I don't know why you keep repeating that you only have a tiny mummy window. To an extent, it's what you make it.

I'm mostly mummy still to my 6 + 8yo. If she hurts herself and is upset, with my 6yo, I'm back to Mama.

The names are used pretty interchangeably these days tbh, and I expect I'm referred to as mum when they are talking about friends, but it's still mummy when they want cuddles, and 75% of the time at home.

I refer to my mum as mum to other people, but when together (and in cards) she's my mammy.

My kids are teens and call me and my husband by our first names regularly. Started as a joke but its become so normal that people comment on it. I think it's funny so I'm not hurt by it but they do drop back in to mum/mummy/mama when they're sad or want money. It's all just different stages and I'm really enjoying seeing the change

Original poster
Cheepcheepcheep · 27/12/2025 23:22

ForZanyAquaViewer · 27/12/2025 23:21

Have you asked him why he keeps doing this? If so, what reason has he given? If not, then why not?

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I asked him tonight before I started the thread. He just didn’t think it was a big deal.

Maybe I wasn’t clear enough the last couple of times..

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 27/12/2025 23:22

Since I was a kid no card said 'Mam' on it - so I always had to make my own.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 27/12/2025 23:21

Cheepcheepcheep · 27/12/2025 22:56

He’s otherwise a fantastic partner. 50/50, up with the kids at 4am today. Can’t fault him. (I do the same!). Just a bit gutted that I don’t have a card for this tiny sliver of life where I’m not some knitting nanna, especially since we can’t afford presents.

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Have you asked him why he keeps doing this? If so, what reason has he given? If not, then why not?

Tiedbutchorestodo · 27/12/2025 23:21

I think if you’ve said it’s important to you (although it wouldn’t be to me) then it should be paid attention to - it’s not asking a lot.

You might be lucky on being mummy longer too though - my children say “my mum” if talking about me but call me mummy when speaking to me and eldest is 16.

Original poster
Cheepcheepcheep · 27/12/2025 23:20

Babyboomtastic · 27/12/2025 23:19

I don't know why you keep repeating that you only have a tiny mummy window. To an extent, it's what you make it.

I'm mostly mummy still to my 6 + 8yo. If she hurts herself and is upset, with my 6yo, I'm back to Mama.

The names are used pretty interchangeably these days tbh, and I expect I'm referred to as mum when they are talking about friends, but it's still mummy when they want cuddles, and 75% of the time at home.

I refer to my mum as mum to other people, but when together (and in cards) she's my mammy.

That’s a really nice perspective. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheepcheepcheep · 27/12/2025 23:19

QPZM · 27/12/2025 22:40

It's a weird world we live in when kids no longer make their parents a card, and they're instead bought from commercial outlets.

Ask him to encourage your 4 year old to make one.

Eldest is pretty great at her own cards tbf

To want a card that says ‘mummy’
OP posts:
Babyboomtastic · 27/12/2025 23:19

I don't know why you keep repeating that you only have a tiny mummy window. To an extent, it's what you make it.

I'm mostly mummy still to my 6 + 8yo. If she hurts herself and is upset, with my 6yo, I'm back to Mama.

The names are used pretty interchangeably these days tbh, and I expect I'm referred to as mum when they are talking about friends, but it's still mummy when they want cuddles, and 75% of the time at home.

I refer to my mum as mum to other people, but when together (and in cards) she's my mammy.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2025 23:19

Cupboarddoorknob · 27/12/2025 22:38

Sorry but I think yabu

even if she's unreasonable for wanting a card that says Mummy, surely you get someone the card they repeatedly ask for if you actually care about them?

yolopp · 27/12/2025 23:17

Everyone has different priorities and expectations but I think this is a bit immature and YABU.

Katypp · 27/12/2025 23:16

Fwiw my daughter (21) and son (19) still call us mummy and daddy, including on cards.

WallaceinAnderland · 27/12/2025 23:16

Our kids are in their 20s but DH still drinks from his Best Daddy Ever mug.

I think your DH is being unreasonable because you've spelled it out to him very clearly, twice, and he has just ignored your wishes. That's mean.

Original poster
Cheepcheepcheep · 27/12/2025 23:15

*him - sorry!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheepcheepcheep · 27/12/2025 23:15

LongBreath · 27/12/2025 23:09

Gosh, you’d have died in a panic if you were my DS’s mother. He was calling me by my first name by the age of three.

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And that’s so okay if that’s who you were to her!

But I know I have this tiny window of being ‘mummy’ v ‘mum’ and I am SO ok with that - as soon as DC1 calls me mum I’m great with that (well, I will be)

But when I buy their DF’s card I don’t buy soo random ‘to my father’ card with fishing on the front, mostly because he’s in his 30s!

I just want to have a card saying mummy for the tiny window I’m ‘mummy’.

totally accept I’m probably a bit OTT on that mind!

OP posts:
LongBreath · 27/12/2025 23:09

Cheepcheepcheep · 27/12/2025 22:48

Entirely fair!

I’m not going to divorce him or anything mad.

Just asking if it’s completely unreasonable to ask if I want to be ‘mummy’ for the tiny window of time I am mummy.

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Gosh, you’d have died in a panic if you were my DS’s mother. He was calling me by my first name by the age of three.

maras2 · 27/12/2025 23:07

Our kids are in their 50's now but I still remember fondly the 'Mummy' and 'Daddy' cards that me and DH bought each other from them.
It's such a short time and very special.
You are not being unreasonable at all.
Merry Christmas Mummy. xxx

Original poster
Cheepcheepcheep · 27/12/2025 23:07

Grumblies · 27/12/2025 23:00

I think saying you're working parents so don't have the time is the wrong approach. For things like this surely you make time because it's something important for your children. It really doesn't take long to get some pens and paper out and make a card. Do you help the children make him cards?

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Honestly we’re so time poor. I hate it and if we didn’t need to pay a mortgage in the south I’d say sod it. But everything is such a rush.

DH is fab, as are the kids. I was just wondering if I was being terribly selfish - it seems some think I am (entirely fair! Isn’t it fab I have two kids and a husband! So lucky) and some think my husband could hear my feedback a bit. Anyway. I called my mum ‘mummy’ for years until I became a mum myself. So I may be biased. But I really want to distinguish between the bit of my life when I’m mummy (a tiny bit, paid for through sleep!) and the rest of my life when I’ve mum.

Very aware it’s daft to be sad about a Christmas card mind!!!

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 27/12/2025 23:07

I’m 42 and I still call my parents Mummy and Daddy. So does my DH. My mum calls my grandfather (who is now 96) Daddy too. There’s no need for it to be a small window!