Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
LostittoBostik · 28/12/2025 11:30

Just caught up on the thread. Well done OP.

ProudCrab · 28/12/2025 11:29

What do your kids think of him?

Talkingfrog · 28/12/2025 11:28

Zoec1975 · 28/12/2025 10:58

Why no taxi for the sake of a few quid,why would he want to risk you getting in to trouble or having a accident.

That was all explained yesterday. He couldn't get one -they only wanted to do shorter journeys, the son needed to go further out of town than they would take. No ubers in the area.

Sleepasaurus · 28/12/2025 11:26

Well done on getting out of there @Didntwenearlyhaveitall . I’m glad that you are safe. Your son is great!

Talkingfrog · 28/12/2025 11:25

Good idea. No need for him to try and contact you by other means to get the keys. If now you aren't around to drive for him, he is foolish enough to drive himself, the consequence is on him.

Itsnotallalark · 28/12/2025 11:23

Handled beautifully OP.
Happy New Year Flowers

LostittoBostik · 28/12/2025 11:22

I never drive if I’ve ever had a sip. I am 5ft tall and a complete lightweight. I can feel the effects on my body with less than a quarter of a glass of wine. I never even drink a drop and drive.

He should never have repeated the request once you made your initial clear refusal. What an arse. As you’re early in the relationship this would be relationship ending for me. Is this out of character? It’s such scumbag behaviour. Does he have an alcohol problem and he’s trying to hide it by insisting a couple of drinks is ‘nothing’?

Sam9769 · 28/12/2025 11:15

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 23:44

Thank you everyone for your support.
I am now in my car and my son is driving me home. He has parked his own car down the road, as ex P won’t know it’s his.
I am so grateful to my son for being there. I told ‘ex’ that he crossed a line tonight and he was on his own.
He called me a selfish cunt and I told him to Fuck off!
We all like a happy ending, although I am sad for what I thought might have been.

Dump this guy!

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 11:15

ChocolateCinderToffee · 28/12/2025 11:13

Oh for heaven's sake give it a rest, @Winterburn We all had enough of you last night.

OP I hope he's a sadder if not wiser person this morning. End of a relationship AND nobody to drive him about!

Show quote history

Don’t keep quoting me then? I made one comment with factual info. If people are going to get all het up, disagree with facts, completely misquote me and make up things I never said and have a go at me then I’m going to reply. So go on, keep going if you’re so desperate to? Plenty of people have been liking my comments ALL the way through, so speak for yourself.

What has your comment added other than keeping this going? Absolutely nothing. well done!

ChocolateCinderToffee · 28/12/2025 11:13

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 10:31

Again, putting words in my mouth. Probably best not to quote and rant at people when you’ve not actually understood a single word they said!

Show quote history

Oh for heaven's sake give it a rest, @Winterburn We all had enough of you last night.

OP I hope he's a sadder if not wiser person this morning. End of a relationship AND nobody to drive him about!

Swiftie1878 · 28/12/2025 11:07

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 10:24

Good morning
Apologies for delay in updating you.
I found it hard to sleep and then woke up late.
My DS and DD have just got back with DS’s car, which was all fine.
I hid ex P’s car keys yesterday as I was concerned that he would be unreasonable enough to try to drive. He would have been a danger to himself and others. I still think it was the right thing to do.
He realised yesterday that they had been moved. He might have just noticed, but equally could have been looking for them to use.
Whilst it was briefly amusing to see how long it would take him to find them, I agree that he is an adult and now he is ( presumably) sober, and hopefully calmer I have just briefly unblocked his number to tell him where I put them.
I didn’t want him to have any reason to contact me in future.

Didn’t want to read and run, but only saw this thread just now.
I am so impressed with the way you (and your DC) handled a very tricky situation last night!
Well done you - not all heroes wear capes.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 28/12/2025 11:06

I do love a happy ending.

Jas683 · 28/12/2025 10:59

Absolutely 💯 you are correct not to drive. Try being in a court explaining how you didn't mean to hurt someone.

Zoec1975 · 28/12/2025 10:58

Why no taxi for the sake of a few quid,why would he want to risk you getting in to trouble or having a accident.

NarwhalBuddy · 28/12/2025 10:57

I don’t really think “D”P’s sons way home was OPs problem to fix….

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2025 10:54

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 23:06

He isn’t giving up. He unsurprisingly can’t find anyone to make that trip.
He’s also just asked me who I am messaging.
I said I was checking hotels for his son!
My son is 15 -20 minutes away, so I won’t have to put up with this for much longer.

Does his son not have any friends himself?

Iamnotalemming · 28/12/2025 10:48

Glad you got home safely. Time for a fresh start in the new year!

5gymbabe · 28/12/2025 10:41

Mylovelygreendress · 27/12/2025 21:41

If you are in Scotland even 1 small glass of wine could tip you over the limit .
Don’t risk it .

Zero tolerance in Scotland

5foot5 · 28/12/2025 10:41

WaryHiker · 28/12/2025 01:03

Not really relevant to this thread, but do Ubers take unaccompanied 15-year-olds in the UK? Here in Australia, they have to be 18.

Show quote history

Not sure but it's neither here nor there in this case as no 15 year olds involved. The adult son wanting a lift is 25.

I was brought up in a rural area with virtually no public transport and it was a given that if you were going in to town for a night out you worked out beforehand how you were getting home. And learned to drive as soon as possible.

Mumofteenandtween · 28/12/2025 10:40

Well done Op - so glad you are home and safe and everything is sorted.

I think this thread should be used as an example of a woman who makes good decisions even when in difficult situations.

Xkk · 28/12/2025 10:39

francii · 27/12/2025 22:07

Just an extra thought…is there a local mums Facebook group or something? You could post anonymously looking for a lift. I live similarly rural it sounds like and if I saw that someone was stuck like this I’d absolutely go and get them if I could. Hope that doesn’t sound totally daft, just a thought.

Don't do that, is not your problem to sort. Don't pander to their tantrums.
OP, you are right to not drink and drive. If something happens there is an almighty shit storm you are getting into, from being arested to having to pay extortionate amounts for the insurance. Nobody likes a drink driver but you already know that that's why you said no. Stick to your guns and think if the relationship is what you wanted, he seems to have such a disregards for your safety and your driving privilege. If there is 0.01% chances you might be over the limit, is 0.01 % too much to risk it.

hypnovic · 28/12/2025 10:34

Well done glad you are safe never speak to this creature again.

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 10:31

myhaggisblewup · 28/12/2025 10:23

It's a dig at ANYONE who thinks drinking the smallest amount of alcohol and driving is acceptable.
I don't give a toss what you think about me fwiw.
Not dare tag you ? Get over youself.
Leaving the thread now I know OP is safe and home that is all I was concerned about.

Show quote history

Again, putting words in my mouth. Probably best not to quote and rant at people when you’ve not actually understood a single word they said!

Horses7 · 28/12/2025 10:31

Wow - YANBU at all. You should be so proud of yourself at how you’ve handled all this. Your son is a star also! You don’t need this useless man who has now shown you his true colours! Very well done - you’re awesome!

Alondra · 28/12/2025 10:30

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 10:24

Good morning
Apologies for delay in updating you.
I found it hard to sleep and then woke up late.
My DS and DD have just got back with DS’s car, which was all fine.
I hid ex P’s car keys yesterday as I was concerned that he would be unreasonable enough to try to drive. He would have been a danger to himself and others. I still think it was the right thing to do.
He realised yesterday that they had been moved. He might have just noticed, but equally could have been looking for them to use.
Whilst it was briefly amusing to see how long it would take him to find them, I agree that he is an adult and now he is ( presumably) sober, and hopefully calmer I have just briefly unblocked his number to tell him where I put them.
I didn’t want him to have any reason to contact me in future.

Well done. Done and dusted.

Swipe left for the next trending thread