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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
AcquadiP · 28/12/2025 13:19

I was following this thread last night and clock watching when you said your son was 15 to 20 minutes away! I'm really glad you got away safe and your son and daughter have been to collect your son's car. Your son and daughter sound lovely unlike your entitled ex and his equally entitled son. You're well rid there. Sounds to me like your ex told his son, "don't worry about getting home son, I'll get OP to pick you up, just ring when you're ready." That's why he was so agitated when you said "no." He's a complete knob if he thinks that you would be safe to drive after 2 home poured measures of alcohol. I would have refused to drive as well. Well done for sticking to your guns and getting away from Mr Nasty.

Rightsraptor · 28/12/2025 13:18

I've read all OP's comments but not the whole thread, so please forgive me if this has been raised already but I'm thinking that the son has a cavalier attitude to getting home precisely because he's a bloke. How many women go out at night with no plan about how to get home? Not many.

Anyway, let's hope this has taught borh the father & son a few valuable lessons.

Doris86 · 28/12/2025 13:15

It’s your driving licence that the police will take away if they catch you over the limit, so entirely your choice whether you think you should be driving or not.

Seacatt · 28/12/2025 13:12

Applecup · 28/12/2025 12:31

Can you put a link to this.

Show quote history

It has been deleted.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 13:06

Theslummymummy · 28/12/2025 12:33

When you say health l, do you mean he's been advised not to drive as its not safe or do you mean he physically can't do it, like a bad back or something?

Edited

He has been told not to drive due to a visual problem. It is hopefully something that will be treatable, but it’s still being investigated. I understand his frustration. It can’t be easy for him. I know I felt very vulnerable not being able to drive last night.

OP posts:
Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yes. That is correct.
By the time you put this comment the situation was resolved and I was safely at home - which makes it pretty pointless.
If you think that my post is not genuine there is a process for reporting it.

OP posts:
ILoveLaLaLand · 28/12/2025 12:56

His 25 year old son needs to learn how to drive so he can visit his parents.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 12:53

ProudCrab · 28/12/2025 11:29

What do your kids think of him?

Edited

My kids hadn’t met him, although they did know about him.
We didn’t see each other that often, normally twice a week, until recently when he started to need lifts. I think it was a bit of an exaggeration to call him a partner really, but using the term boyfriend at my age seems a bit off.
Now I’ve told them about last night they don’t think much of him.

OP posts:
MO0N · 28/12/2025 12:43

Friendlygingercat · 28/12/2025 12:36

I dont understand why son could not have gone to a hotel if he was stuck in town. If he didnt have the money father could have rung reception with his card details. All the hotel requires is a viable card they can change - it does not have to be that of the person who occupies the room.

I think part of the reason this unpleasant man was angry is that he has 'lost face' in the eyes of his son.
In other words he likes to think of himself as an alpha male who can easily dominate and subjugate his female partner such that she automatically obeys his every command. When she didn't he felt humiliated and that's why he got angry.

Sooverwork · 28/12/2025 12:40

Shade17 · 27/12/2025 21:47

It very much depends what you’ve drunk and when. A couple of small glasses with lunch 7/8 hours ago then YABU, a couple of large ones in the past 2 hours then not so much.

If OP doesn’t feel comfortable or safe driving after she’s consumed alcohol then it’s her choice not to drive entirely . She’s also not a taxi service to entitled partner or his son

Friendlygingercat · 28/12/2025 12:36

I dont understand why son could not have gone to a hotel if he was stuck in town. If he didnt have the money father could have rung reception with his card details. All the hotel requires is a viable card they can change - it does not have to be that of the person who occupies the room.

Poodlelove · 28/12/2025 12:36

No you shouldn't be driving and he is a knob

Theslummymummy · 28/12/2025 12:33

When you say health l, do you mean he's been advised not to drive as its not safe or do you mean he physically can't do it, like a bad back or something?

Applecup · 28/12/2025 12:31

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/12/2025 02:36

Someone has started a thread pretending to be the ex.

Can you put a link to this.

tigger1001 · 28/12/2025 12:26

Paul2023 · 28/12/2025 08:37

I’d be a bit worried about that to be honest. If someone had a drink at 9pm and drove again at 7am, they might be sober and safe to drive but still fail a breath test by giving 5mg reading for example.

Show quote history

Why be worried? It just means people (not all) now actively think about how much they are drinking at night if they are driving the next day - that's a very good thing!

im in Scotland and am glad the limit is lower here. It does essentially mean if you have a drink you are over the limit. So does away to some extent the "I can have one and be ok" as you know there is a chance you won't be, and most sensible people now opt for either zero drink and take the car or have a drink and organise a different way home.

sfd146 · 28/12/2025 12:14

He can pay for a taxi for HIS son.

MossAndLeaves · 28/12/2025 12:03

His son should have arranged where he was staying and how he was getting there before drinking. Not your problem and disgusting that DP behaved that way.

Tontostitis · 28/12/2025 11:52

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 27/12/2025 21:39

Well...yanbu

Not sure what the bigger answer is but I would HATE him doing this with the drink driving and the not taking no for an answer

Edited

The answer is bye as you walk out of the door with all your stuff and Uber home.

Silverbirchleaf · 28/12/2025 11:51

Well done op.

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Your poorly disguised attempt at troll hunting has been noted.

If you think its not real, report and move on.

pusspuss9 · 28/12/2025 11:39

Xkk · 28/12/2025 10:39

Don't do that, is not your problem to sort. Don't pander to their tantrums.
OP, you are right to not drink and drive. If something happens there is an almighty shit storm you are getting into, from being arested to having to pay extortionate amounts for the insurance. Nobody likes a drink driver but you already know that that's why you said no. Stick to your guns and think if the relationship is what you wanted, he seems to have such a disregards for your safety and your driving privilege. If there is 0.01% chances you might be over the limit, is 0.01 % too much to risk it.

Show quote history

Don't do that, is not your problem to sort
This issue aside, and as a general response to above comment, there are people (thank God) who will help people in trouble regardless whether it's their problem to sort or not. This is what makes our world a place worth living in,

Minjou · 28/12/2025 11:38

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:04

I am thinking how I can get home.
The short answer is that I currently do not have any means of getting home tonight.
I believe that his son can’t get a taxi to bring him out here. It follows that I stand even less chance of getting one to come here to collect me.

Show quote history

He could have convinced a taxi to take hin there with a promise of a second large fare....yours. But obviously that was last night

TiggyTomCat · 28/12/2025 11:37

His adult son needs to be an adult and call a taxi and not his Dad.

ProudCrab · 28/12/2025 11:32

This reply has been deleted

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Londontown12 · 28/12/2025 11:30

I never drive even if it's a small glass I refuse to drive and I wouldn't touch any if I was driving or even a chance someone needed a lift !
It's not worth it I can't believe he's trying to get u to do this !! So bad pushing your boundaries I'm glad u have stuck to your guns but I would have a long think about this relationship I don't think it's a good one !!