Page 6 | To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

dynamiccactus · 28/12/2025 18:41

MissTrayY · 28/12/2025 17:08

My DD had been driving just over 2 yrs, drank her last drink at around midnight, had a McDs for breakfast and STILL crashed on a windy back road, breathalised and was over the limit - just

But over none the less

Not worth the risk due to my daughters experience

Affected her gettinb to work not to mention the financial implications, car was a right off but still owed approx 8 grand obv insura.nce was out the window it was a nightmare for me as a mother too

You are NOT unreasonable

Wow that is a cautionary tale for people who think they can drive to work/wherever after having drinking the night before.

I think we need mini breathalyser machines that we can use the morning after (or even the evening after the lunchtime before).

Original poster

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 18:20

NearlyMonday · 28/12/2025 18:15

I’m really sorry you had to go through this, OP

Thank you. That’s kind of you.
I do feel a bit like I’ve dodged a bullet, and it’s a good thing he showed his true colours relatively early.
If I’m honest I was already a bit uncomfortable about a couple of things, so ending things now was probably for the best.

OP posts:

NearlyMonday · 28/12/2025 18:15

I’m really sorry you had to go through this, OP

ForEdgyHare · 28/12/2025 18:13

You aren’t BU at all.
Id never drive after 1 drink. I get tiddly after 1. I know other people that drive after 1 pub measure of wine/ half pint/ with food etc. Im sure they feel ok to do it. But I know my limits.
Christmas is a time where I think local police forces are more hot on identifying drivers who are under the influence too. An accident, killing someone, losing your license, all things I want to avoid.

Snakebite61 · 28/12/2025 18:12

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

It's best not to drive after any drink, anytime.
But Christmas when the cops have an eagle eye on everyone is asking for trouble.

Original poster

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 18:03

Potteryclass1 · 28/12/2025 17:47

If his son knows his dad cant drive due to health problem then why is he requesting a lift? Who was he expecting to do it?

This is the part that puzzles me the most.
The first thing I said was that he couldn’t drive, so was his son asking for money for a taxi.
We were both drinking and he poured my second drink, so it’s not like he planned this.
I had been driving ‘ex’ anywhere he needed to go so maybe he had given his son the impression I would extend that to him.
He knows my boundary on drink driving though. If I drove us to the pub I would always have soft drinks.

OP posts:

LeftieRightsHoarder · 28/12/2025 17:59

OP, thank you for not even considering driving after you’d had a couple of drinks.

To anyone saying you’d probably have been under the limit, I say that’s still not worth the risk of reacting just a tiny bit too slowly to avoid hitting someone.

Worriedreparents · 28/12/2025 17:51

Totally the OP decision on whether to drive or not. Can’t believe all the people saying it was only two drinks. If she had been in a pub and had two measured singles you could safely say she had had two drinks then work out a time when these would have definitely metabolised. At home pouring your own these are likely to have been doubles or even trebles, so four or six drinks rather than two!
On holiday with Spanish measures I had two gins and one wine and could barely walk, I kept saying “but I only had three drinks” lol
Well done OP on sticking to your guns

Potteryclass1 · 28/12/2025 17:47

If his son knows his dad cant drive due to health problem then why is he requesting a lift? Who was he expecting to do it?

FrizzyFrizbee · 28/12/2025 17:39

Shutuptrevor · 27/12/2025 21:48

He sounds awful. And it sounds like he’d have no problem drink driving himself under normal circumstances.

Cut and run.

Agree

JohnofWessex · 28/12/2025 17:25

As a driver its your call about your fitness to drive for whatever reason.

Interesting that when I was diagnosed as diabetic it upset my sight for a few weeks so I didnt drive but needless to say my ex wife entirety refused to help with any transport arrangements involving our son.............

MissTrayY · 28/12/2025 17:08

My DD had been driving just over 2 yrs, drank her last drink at around midnight, had a McDs for breakfast and STILL crashed on a windy back road, breathalised and was over the limit - just

But over none the less

Not worth the risk due to my daughters experience

Affected her gettinb to work not to mention the financial implications, car was a right off but still owed approx 8 grand obv insura.nce was out the window it was a nightmare for me as a mother too

You are NOT unreasonable

Radiosn · 28/12/2025 16:58

He sounds absolutely unhinged and entitled to boot.
I wouldn't do 2 hours driving at night for my own children unless it was an emergency, I wouldn't do it with alcohol.
He's some CF making his 25 year olds fxxk up your 2 hour round trip problem.
What an abusive bully.
Well done for getting out of there sharpish.

He could well be out of action long term, you are well out of it.

Power26 · 28/12/2025 16:58

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 16:18

My DC are a bit younger, but they don’t expect lifts.
Fortunately I’ve had no further contact from ex, so I don’t know the outcome.
Although he didn’t tell me exactly why his son needed a lift it sounded like he should have got the last bus home, but didn’t. Even that doesn’t really make sense as last buses locally are around 6.00pm, and it was hours later when he phoned.

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It’s probably for the best that things are over as he was clearly stating that you treat your own kids better than his - it would have been a sticking point forever. Ie anytime you give your kids money, support, childcare etc he’d be piping up about inequality or whatever even if it’s something his kids should have the wherewithal to sort. It wasn’t a once and done argument.

Charliede1182 · 28/12/2025 16:44

I don't drive at all because I have a syncopal disorder - it is about making the responsible choice and not putting yourself or others at risk, even if it is inconvenient.

There is no "safe" quantity of alcohol because everyone metabolises differently, one person could sink several pints and pass a police test, someone else could have a thimbleful of wine with a meal and be over the legal blood threshold for several hours.

Additionally the subjective impact of alcohol is very individual too, some people can feel impaired despite having a blood level that is legal.

Nobody should put pressure on you to drive if you don't feel comfortable. I'd make him get a taxi and seriously rethink the relationship going forward.

SpiceLover · 28/12/2025 16:37

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 16:18

My DC are a bit younger, but they don’t expect lifts.
Fortunately I’ve had no further contact from ex, so I don’t know the outcome.
Although he didn’t tell me exactly why his son needed a lift it sounded like he should have got the last bus home, but didn’t. Even that doesn’t really make sense as last buses locally are around 6.00pm, and it was hours later when he phoned.

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I suspect he’d told his son in advance to ring and you’d pick him up

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/12/2025 16:27

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 10:28

How bizarre!

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Right? It was insta-deleted so presumably a troll.

MissMountshaft1 · 28/12/2025 16:20

JaniceBattersby · 27/12/2025 21:35

I also don’t drive after even one drink. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I had an accident while impaired, even by a small amount. I’d think less of a partner who tried to repeatedly coerce me into doing so.

And he is asking OP to drive what I’d assume was his most treasured possession!!! His child

madness

Original poster

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 16:18

RamsaySnowsSausage · 28/12/2025 16:06

Bravo @Didntwenearlyhaveitall and ingenious move on switching the cars.

Beside from the drink driving issue, I'm just imagining the reaction I would have had if I'd called my parents for an unplanned lift at night age 25 (or any other age to be honest). It would very much have been a teachable moment on dealing with the consequences of your own actions 😂

My DC are a bit younger, but they don’t expect lifts.
Fortunately I’ve had no further contact from ex, so I don’t know the outcome.
Although he didn’t tell me exactly why his son needed a lift it sounded like he should have got the last bus home, but didn’t. Even that doesn’t really make sense as last buses locally are around 6.00pm, and it was hours later when he phoned.

OP posts:

RamsaySnowsSausage · 28/12/2025 16:06

Bravo @Didntwenearlyhaveitall and ingenious move on switching the cars.

Beside from the drink driving issue, I'm just imagining the reaction I would have had if I'd called my parents for an unplanned lift at night age 25 (or any other age to be honest). It would very much have been a teachable moment on dealing with the consequences of your own actions 😂

pictoosh · 28/12/2025 15:50

I'm just loving your take-no-shit attitude towards this bully of a man.
Goodbye.

GreyBeeplus3 · 28/12/2025 15:33

My uncle used to say 'you're as careful as you can be, but what about other drivers on the road same time as you?'

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 28/12/2025 15:32

Outside9 · 28/12/2025 13:31

I suspect you were probably fine.

But I would never pressure someone to drive if they uncomfortable for whatever reason.

This, wholeheartedly. His attitude is the major red flag here, and I'm glad to see that you've kicked him to the kerb.

nosleepforme · 28/12/2025 15:31

Dear op’s ds and dd
well done for looking after mum and taking her out of a potentially dangerous situation. You should be proud of yourselves and you’re a great asset to your mum and family, as well as a good example. You did exactly the right thing! You were raised right and our world needs more responsible adult children just like you.

dear op’s dp son
…eh why bother actually?! What a waste

PercyPigInAWig · 28/12/2025 15:24

Glad you got home, got rid of arsehole and that your children are seeing right there that if you feel unsafe you ask trusted people for help, and you don't put up with that kind of behaviour from anyone.

I didn't drink on Christmas Day until almost midnight as was driving during the day. Taxis or Ubers would not have been available, even yesterday the waits for taxis were very long, no Ubers and I don't live rurally.