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Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
Theslummymummy · 28/12/2025 20:24

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 20:09

So in your opinion a person who cant drive due to sight issues will probably be fine? At night. After he had been drinking.

Right.

Wont ever be accepting a lift from you.

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I'm repeating back to him what he's basically said to her regarding her being over the limit

AcquadiP · 28/12/2025 20:24

Tillow4ever · 28/12/2025 20:19

They were clearly saying turn it around on the now ex and point out if it was no big deal for her after a few drinks then obviously it was no big deal for him either. So he would have realised what a twat he was being.

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Yes, I read it that way too.

Tillow4ever · 28/12/2025 20:19

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 20:09

So in your opinion a person who cant drive due to sight issues will probably be fine? At night. After he had been drinking.

Right.

Wont ever be accepting a lift from you.

Show quote history

They were clearly saying turn it around on the now ex and point out if it was no big deal for her after a few drinks then obviously it was no big deal for him either. So he would have realised what a twat he was being.

MummyofTw0 · 28/12/2025 20:16

At least he's shown you his true colours. Sounds like you've had a lucky exit. Well done to you for not caving x

B1anche · 28/12/2025 20:16

Theslummymummy · 28/12/2025 20:06

Should have told him to go get his son, it would probably be fine, and isn't a big issue 🤷‍♀️

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He has a visual impairment, had been drinking, it was night time and he would have been driving through narrow country lanes. What could possibly go wrong? 🙄

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 20:09

Theslummymummy · 28/12/2025 20:06

Should have told him to go get his son, it would probably be fine, and isn't a big issue 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

So in your opinion a person who cant drive due to sight issues will probably be fine? At night. After he had been drinking.

Right.

Wont ever be accepting a lift from you.

Theslummymummy · 28/12/2025 20:06

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 13:06

He has been told not to drive due to a visual problem. It is hopefully something that will be treatable, but it’s still being investigated. I understand his frustration. It can’t be easy for him. I know I felt very vulnerable not being able to drive last night.

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Should have told him to go get his son, it would probably be fine, and isn't a big issue 🤷‍♀️

RecordBreakers · 28/12/2025 20:06

Glad you got out safely last night.

Your ds was a star.
What a nasty piece of work your ex was that he felt he could intimidate you in to it.
I can't understand why a 25 yr old thought it was reasonable to ask his Dad to come out, when a) he isn't living with his Dad and b) he knew his Dad isn't able to drive at the moment. Why wouldn't he just kip down on the floor of whoever he'd been out with's house?

Boutonnière · 28/12/2025 19:59

A flatmate's brother celebrated the end of a driving ban for drink driving by going out and partying. Didn't drive that night but got caught at 7am the next morning in a police trap, still registering over the limit ( it was around Xmas and they were running a campaign) He was then, and remains a fool, though has reformed his drink driving ways, apparently .

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 19:58

CantBreathe90 · 28/12/2025 19:51

Good for you dumping the tosspot - in a parallel multiverse somewhere, you're coming to grips with having run someone over.

On a side note, how embarrassing for the 25 year old son 😬 No wonder he's so incapable though when his dad acts like that!

I was once advised by a friend to use Multiverse Theory when making decisions. Imagine the best case scenario and the worst case scenario and play those out. Be Dr Strange when he says he has played out 14 billion scenarios and Tony says "In how many do we win" and Dr Strange holds up one finger.

I have used this and it works! When you really think through all the possible scenarios, the obvious answer always stands out. In this case it was an easy one, but some quandries are more nuanced, and thats where MT really does work. I recommend it.

alexdgr8 · 28/12/2025 19:53

Yes. I think we know why your son is a different kettle of fish to his.
Apple.
Tree...

CantBreathe90 · 28/12/2025 19:51

Good for you dumping the tosspot - in a parallel multiverse somewhere, you're coming to grips with having run someone over.

On a side note, how embarrassing for the 25 year old son 😬 No wonder he's so incapable though when his dad acts like that!

Missmargo · 28/12/2025 19:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

JoshLymanSwagger · 28/12/2025 19:25

@Didntwenearlyhaveitall I read your posts in the small hours - I'm so glad your wonderful DS came to the rescue.
Don't waver in your opinion of your ex. Keep him blocked.
I do think you have done the right thing, reading between the lines slightly.
Have a joyous New Year with your nearest and dearest and DO NOT LOOK BACK.
💐

AcquadiP · 28/12/2025 19:16

Charliede1182 · 28/12/2025 16:44

I don't drive at all because I have a syncopal disorder - it is about making the responsible choice and not putting yourself or others at risk, even if it is inconvenient.

There is no "safe" quantity of alcohol because everyone metabolises differently, one person could sink several pints and pass a police test, someone else could have a thimbleful of wine with a meal and be over the legal blood threshold for several hours.

Additionally the subjective impact of alcohol is very individual too, some people can feel impaired despite having a blood level that is legal.

Nobody should put pressure on you to drive if you don't feel comfortable. I'd make him get a taxi and seriously rethink the relationship going forward.

I agree with you about the alcohol as I know my own reactions to it can vary a great deal. Sometimes, I can have a couple of glasses of my favourite tipple and be perfectly sound (though not sound enough to drive); on other occasions I feel giddy, sleepy or both part way through the second glass. As you say, it's all about being a responsible driver and my policy is I won't drive if I've been drinking or if I'm feeling very tired. It's just not worth the risk.

4forksache · 28/12/2025 19:15

Yes better now, than when feelings got deeper.

Joeninety · 28/12/2025 19:05

He seems quite a disappointment to keep on pushing this, when you COULD be over the limit.

Atsocta · 28/12/2025 19:05

Under no circumstances drive, tell his dad to order him a cab if his that bothered about him getting a lift ,..what a cheeky #£@&*&@

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 19:04

MrsJeanLuc · 28/12/2025 18:59

@Didntwenearlyhaveitall
I only read this thread tonight, with increasing disbelief, followed by alarm for your well-being, followed by relief that you got home safely

You don't say how old your son is, but he is the absolute hero of this story! 🦸🦸🦸

My son is 23.
It’s hard to believe ex’s son is older. My son is far more self sufficient and motivated. ( sorry if that sounds like a boast. He was great last night, and has been very supportive today).

OP posts:
MrsJeanLuc · 28/12/2025 18:59

@Didntwenearlyhaveitall
I only read this thread tonight, with increasing disbelief, followed by alarm for your well-being, followed by relief that you got home safely

You don't say how old your son is, but he is the absolute hero of this story! 🦸🦸🦸

Sometimessmiling · 28/12/2025 18:59

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:42

Yes, he’s gone down in my estimation tonight.
I’ve put up with some tension as clearly he is worried about his health issue, and have been driving him lots of places as he lives rurally.
I won’t drive this evening, but he’s being so short sighted. It would be dire for him if I lost my licence.

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It's an awful attitude. You endanger your life and many others but that's okay because he needs you to drive. A disgusting attitude. You deserve better especially all the driving around you have dine

usernamealreadytaken · 28/12/2025 18:46

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 18:20

Thank you. That’s kind of you.
I do feel a bit like I’ve dodged a bullet, and it’s a good thing he showed his true colours relatively early.
If I’m honest I was already a bit uncomfortable about a couple of things, so ending things now was probably for the best.

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So glad you are safe, and not devastated about the end of the relationship with someone who turned out to be a nasty man x

MartinCrieffsHat · 28/12/2025 18:46

We were both drinking and he poured my second drink, so it’s not like he planned this.
Drinks at home are probably bigger than pub measures.

Rightsraptor · 28/12/2025 18:42

Power26 · 28/12/2025 16:58

It’s probably for the best that things are over as he was clearly stating that you treat your own kids better than his - it would have been a sticking point forever. Ie anytime you give your kids money, support, childcare etc he’d be piping up about inequality or whatever even if it’s something his kids should have the wherewithal to sort. It wasn’t a once and done argument.

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I can only think you haven't read all Op's posts as her ex's son is 25 & she's met him once, so this treating him the same as her own adulr children doesn't come into it.

MrsClatterbuck · 28/12/2025 18:41

According to the online Morning after calculator you wouldn't be able to drive for 5 hours after 3 gins. This time is calculated from when you have stopped drinking. It is not a tool designed to see how much you can drink and then drive but for the next morning when it would be OK to drive. Probably not foolproof but I think people would be shocked at the times it calculates and would be thinking of shorter times.