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Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
vanillalattes · 27/12/2025 22:05

Amba1998 · 27/12/2025 22:02

I wouldn’t dream of driving after 2 drinks

The hiding in the bathroom screams a lot about this relationship. Once you are safe to do so I suggest you drive home and don’t come back

Absolutely this. Please get yourself out of there.

francii · 27/12/2025 22:04

So the one chance you get to have a wee drink at Christmas your DP has turned into a nightmare? Tell him if he’s so unconcerned about licences he can go and get his son himself. I suspect that’s what he’ll end up doing.
Are you safe OP? locking yourself in the bathroom to get away from him berating you is surely a massive red flag for you. If you think you will be ok tonight, I do hope you get in your car and leave in the morning and dump him as soon as you’re home! If you’re really worried he will escalate then I’d be trying to find someone to pick you up tonight. This is a man who does not understand that no is a full sentence and honestly the way he and his son are carrying on smacks of misogyny. It’s only been 9 months and he expects you to drive him about even when it’s at a detriment to yourself, and now his son too! This will be your life if you continue this relationship.

Jc2001 · 27/12/2025 22:04

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Moron

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:04

Timetochillnow · 27/12/2025 21:49

Do you have means to get yourself a taxi home if needed?
make sure you have your keys safely on you and firmly tell him
that you are not prepared to drive (it would risk an accident or risk your license - as it would impact you both hugely if either happened ) and say that that’s the end of the discussion.
If he continues to try to persuade you, call a taxi and get yourself home, and collect the car tomorrow with a friend or relative.

I am thinking how I can get home.
The short answer is that I currently do not have any means of getting home tonight.
I believe that his son can’t get a taxi to bring him out here. It follows that I stand even less chance of getting one to come here to collect me.

OP posts:
Winterburn · 27/12/2025 22:02

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:59

I’ve met his son once before. I don’t really know him. I am surprised he thought I would give him a lift, unless DO gave him the idea.

Show quote history

Does sound a bit like perhaps he asked his dad with the thought dad would just ask you given he knows dad is not able to drive……

Momentarylapseofsanity · 27/12/2025 22:02

Is Uber a thing by you OP? I know it isn’t available by me but worth considering ( by them, not by you!).

Amba1998 · 27/12/2025 22:02

I wouldn’t dream of driving after 2 drinks

The hiding in the bathroom screams a lot about this relationship. Once you are safe to do so I suggest you drive home and don’t come back

morbidcuriosity · 27/12/2025 22:01

I dont drive after alcohol .
some other idiot smashes into you and your both breathalysed as its an accident, and you may come across as the drink driver even if it wasnt your fault!! not worth it.

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 22:01

WeWillWeWillRockYou · 27/12/2025 21:55

Don't be ridiculous. You have no idea what OP has drunk. Or eaten.

The point is that two men are trying to take advantage of her, and her good will.

Show quote history

Please point out where in my post I said I knew what she’d drank or eaten? Perhaps try actually reading things before making stupid comments.

WeWillWeWillRockYou · 27/12/2025 22:01

Sorry OP. You have to leave this guy and his deadbeat son.

Clearly the son's mother has the measure of him.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:01

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I’m not considering it.

OP posts:
Papersnowflakes · 27/12/2025 22:00

Yanbu. I won't drive if I have even had a sip of an alcoholic drink.

Toothfairy89 · 27/12/2025 22:00

Why is the son ringing his dad for a lift if he knows he can't drive?

It's not drive if you maybe under the limit, its don't drive if you maybe over the limit

It's not worth the risk. It's your call and you are saying no. The son will have to sort himself out

HippopotamusForChristmas · 27/12/2025 21:59

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You're a fucking idiot for not reading the thread properly.

She isn't considering shit!!

gogomomo2 · 27/12/2025 21:59

Not being able to get a taxi is very likely if it’s like where we live, near impossible unless prebooked a week ahead

ClaredeBear · 27/12/2025 21:59

I would not be in a relationship with someone who thought it was a good idea to have someone who had been drinking to collect his children. I don’t think he’s a great person. Well done for standing your ground, it’s not worth it.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:59

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 21:54

If you’ve had two drinks then yes you’re very likely to be fine, especially if you’ve also eaten and/or the drinks have been drunk over a period of an hour plus. Generally you’ll process a unit per hour from your system.

But it’s still your call, drink or no drink, whether you want to run errands for his son. Do you know his son much?

I’ve met his son once before. I don’t really know him. I am surprised he thought I would give him a lift, unless DO gave him the idea.

OP posts:
TheNextStationIs · 27/12/2025 21:59

And a "couple" of drinks, especially home-poured, are likely to be well in excess of two units anyway... and most importantly, she's said no.

Sweetpea333 · 27/12/2025 21:58

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gogomomo2 · 27/12/2025 21:58

Unless these drinks were hours ago then Yanbu. If I’d drunk 2 drinks I’d assume a minimum of 4 units possibly 6 and won’t drive until tomorrow

Christmascaketime · 27/12/2025 21:58

It’s not for you to come up with an alternative for an adult male. Not your problem.

Starlingsintheloft · 27/12/2025 21:57

Get yourself a taxi and go home.

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 27/12/2025 21:56

I never have even one drink if driving, wouldn’t risk it.

WeWillWeWillRockYou · 27/12/2025 21:55

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 21:54

If you’ve had two drinks then yes you’re very likely to be fine, especially if you’ve also eaten and/or the drinks have been drunk over a period of an hour plus. Generally you’ll process a unit per hour from your system.

But it’s still your call, drink or no drink, whether you want to run errands for his son. Do you know his son much?

Don't be ridiculous. You have no idea what OP has drunk. Or eaten.

The point is that two men are trying to take advantage of her, and her good will.

Clefable · 27/12/2025 21:55

YANBU. Personally I don’t drive if I’ve had alcohol at all in a day. Not worth the risk, plus the limit in Scotland is very low in the first place. I only drink when I’m sure I won’t be driving (which is what you have rightly done too). I would absolutely not be badgered by anyone into driving when I felt uncomfortable doing do.

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