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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:30

21secondstopassthemic · 27/12/2025 22:29

Why is his son incapable of ordering an uber?

There are genuinely no Ubers in this area. His son must know that, so I don’t know why he got himself stranded.

OP posts:
21secondstopassthemic · 27/12/2025 22:29

Why is his son incapable of ordering an uber?

COUNCAT14 · 27/12/2025 22:29

How many drinks have you had OP? Is there any chance of drinking water for a couple of hours and driving yourself home tonight if you can’t get a taxi/lift? Obviously 2-3 is different to 5-6 in this situation x

Blueblell · 27/12/2025 22:28

Remind him that at this time of year it is more likely to be stopped and either way it just isn’t worth the risk.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:28

DelphiniumBlue · 27/12/2025 22:25

One small glass of wine is probably not over the limit for most women. Two small glasses could well take you over the limit. If you had “ a couple “ that is more likely than not over the limit. Obviously you get to make the call, but it’s worrying that you’ve actually had to lock yourself in the bathroom because of this.
Has he got angry when you haven’t gone along with his wishes before?

He has never reacted like this before. He is very frustrated at not being able to drive at present, and I have had to tell him not to take this out on me, but nothing like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:25

Ohnobackagain · 27/12/2025 22:20

And why is Daddy still running around after adult son who wants a lift to his Mum’s? If he’s an adult he needs to sort himself out 🤨 @Didntwenearlyhaveitall

I agree. My DC wouldn’t pull this type of stunt.
I helped them both get their licences at 17 as we also live rurally, and they and their friends always arrange lifts between them.
His son is 25 and doesn’t drive.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 27/12/2025 22:25

One small glass of wine is probably not over the limit for most women. Two small glasses could well take you over the limit. If you had “ a couple “ that is more likely than not over the limit. Obviously you get to make the call, but it’s worrying that you’ve actually had to lock yourself in the bathroom because of this.
Has he got angry when you haven’t gone along with his wishes before?

Talkingfrog · 27/12/2025 22:24

Momentarylapseofsanity · 27/12/2025 22:20

I’d be tempted to skull a double of whatever you are drinking right now OP to ensure no driving this evening. Then leave as soon as you can in the morning.

That would mean leaving later in the morning.

tigger1001 · 27/12/2025 22:24

Shade17 · 27/12/2025 21:47

It very much depends what you’ve drunk and when. A couple of small glasses with lunch 7/8 hours ago then YABU, a couple of large ones in the past 2 hours then not so much.

No it doesn't. She doesn't feel comfortable to drive. No one should ever be coerced into driving when they feel it is unsafe to do so. it is their decision and theirs alone

Skeletor1980 · 27/12/2025 22:23

Never drink and drive. I have a breathalyser for the morning after too in order to be sure the alcohol has left my body.

Taxi. Uber. My DC got himself home from 15 years old. We paid.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:22

Momentarylapseofsanity · 27/12/2025 22:20

I’d be tempted to skull a double of whatever you are drinking right now OP to ensure no driving this evening. Then leave as soon as you can in the morning.

I am planning on getting out of here as soon as I can. He’s ignoring me now while he phones around trying to persuade someone to go and get his son.

OP posts:
Momentarylapseofsanity · 27/12/2025 22:20

I’d be tempted to skull a double of whatever you are drinking right now OP to ensure no driving this evening. Then leave as soon as you can in the morning.

Ohnobackagain · 27/12/2025 22:20

And why is Daddy still running around after adult son who wants a lift to his Mum’s? If he’s an adult he needs to sort himself out 🤨 @Didntwenearlyhaveitall

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2025 22:19

Its trite and somewhat overused these days, but the saying is true...."Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine" which is what the son should be told.

Knowing his dad cant drive and not having made a firm arrangement with his mother, how the hell was he planning on getting home if there really are no taxis?

I cant help wondering if he had rung the "D"P earlier and was reminded that dad cant drive at the moment but then told "its ok @Didntwenearlyhaveitall will pick you up". Not a good sign for a LTR if thats the case.

GAJLY · 27/12/2025 22:16

No don’t do it. Imagine if you get breathalised and you lost your licence. Your partners son wouldn’t care at all. Just keep drinking and say no. If he keeps going on then go to bed.

Talkingfrog · 27/12/2025 22:16

gogomomo2 · 27/12/2025 21:59

Not being able to get a taxi is very likely if it’s like where we live, near impossible unless prebooked a week ahead

Probably the same for a lot of rural areas this time of year. Unless they have recently moved to the rural area, even more reason for adult son and his Dad to know he would have needed to pre book a taxi.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:15

I am out of the bathroom. I am very angry with him. I have told him the answer is no and I’m not going to change my mind. He’s still going on.
I’ve hidden his car keys in case he’s stupid enough to try driving his car, although he has a problem with his sight and I don’t think he would try in the dark.
I’ve got my keys in my pocket.
He’s on the phone now trying to get a friend to pick his son up.
The son apparently wants to be taken to his Mother’s house, where he spends most of his time, so 40 minutes to town, at least another 30 minutes to his Mother’s, which is about 45 minutes from here.

OP posts:
TeeBee · 27/12/2025 22:15

Go and sleep in your car and tell him to fuck off. Why the hell would anyone put their child at risk of a drunk driver?

Ohnobackagain · 27/12/2025 22:12

@Didntwenearlyhaveitall whether to drive or not is entirely your choice. Someone else should not be volunteering you for driving. It is your call whether you set your alcohol limit for driving at the legal limit or zero, not him. If he decides to go get his son and further risk his own licence, don’t be guilted into going. If you’re in the UK could you try Uber to get you home?

TurkeyQueen · 27/12/2025 22:12

TurkeyQueen · 27/12/2025 21:55

You are right.
I don’t drive after drinking either- wouldn’t even drive after a sip of someone’s drink!
I have done similar to you this year and had a drink ONLY twice when I was 100% not driving.

WHY did the son phone your dp though if dp cannot drive?

Also just to add (now I have read more- sorry as I’m now up to date) do you think dp is using you as you sound like you do lots of errands / taxi runs for him?

I think dp has said to the son to call if he’s stuck and you’ll be asked- that’s why dp has been lovely all afternoon (it sounds like today has been good compared to normal?)

I think you need to write a list of + and - for dp/ this relationship as it doesn’t sound healthy for you and you sound like a bit of a dogs body imho.

TheWheelOfTime · 27/12/2025 22:09

'No' is a complete sentence and the 'D'P is showing his true colours if he's not respecting that. It's not your responsibility to be the son's taxi service. Is the son in town with his mates? How are the others getting themselves home, if so?

AluckyEllie · 27/12/2025 22:07

Ah sorry @Didntwenearlyhaveitall sounds like you are having a shitter of an evening. You aren’t in the wrong, you are 100% right not to drive. Doesn’t make it any easier being stuck in his house with him being an arse. Could you get a taxi home?

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:07

Momentarylapseofsanity · 27/12/2025 22:02

Is Uber a thing by you OP? I know it isn’t available by me but worth considering ( by them, not by you!).

I’ve got the Uber app as I’ve used it on holidays, but I’ve already checked and nothing is coming up in this area.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 27/12/2025 22:07

It would be the end of the relationship for me. No way i’d drive after 2 drinks. No-one should feel forced to drive when they’ve had a drink. He is bang out of order.

francii · 27/12/2025 22:07

Just an extra thought…is there a local mums Facebook group or something? You could post anonymously looking for a lift. I live similarly rural it sounds like and if I saw that someone was stuck like this I’d absolutely go and get them if I could. Hope that doesn’t sound totally daft, just a thought.

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