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Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
YourJoyousDenimExpert · 28/12/2025 00:40

Goodness me OP! Well done for holding your ground and for raising such amazing children. It was absolutely your decision whether to drive or not. It would have been reasonable to refuse even if you had not had any alcohol at all - as you are certainly not responsible to get a 25 year old out of a situation of his own making.
Think the outcome is probably just as well - am sure you are worthy of someone much more considerate.

Peanutbutton · 28/12/2025 00:39

I don’t drive for 24 hours after a drink. No point risking myself, my car, and others. I’m always telling my boyfriend how sober I am when I’m absolutely shit faced. A drunk person often believes they’re sober.

MyTattooIsBetterThanYours · 28/12/2025 00:33

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 00:25

We are home now. I didn’t sneak out. I told him it was over due to his behaviour this evening.

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I like my version better. You could have sent him messages every 15 minutes telling him you were in a different place ie the shed and then the loft. He’d still be looking for you. Swearing.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 00:26

BlackeyedSusan · 28/12/2025 00:20

Well done on dumping the twat. Sorry he turned out to be such an idiot.

Ah well! There are worse things than being single.

OP posts:
Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 00:25

MyTattooIsBetterThanYours · 28/12/2025 00:18

Are you home yet OP? Did you sneak out of the door without telling your ex? If so does your ex think you’re playing an elaborate game of hide and seek and he will wonder for the rest of his life why he can’t find you?

We are home now. I didn’t sneak out. I told him it was over due to his behaviour this evening.

OP posts:
Papersnowflakes · 28/12/2025 00:21

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 00:16

Thank you.
We are nearly home. My son and daughter are going to collect his car tomorrow so that I don’t have to go anywhere near ex.

Edited
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You've got great kids Smile

BlackeyedSusan · 28/12/2025 00:20

Well done on dumping the twat. Sorry he turned out to be such an idiot.

WearyAuldWumman · 28/12/2025 00:20

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 00:16

Thank you.
We are nearly home. My son and daughter are going to collect his car tomorrow so that I don’t have to go anywhere near ex.

Edited
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That's an excellent plan.

MyTattooIsBetterThanYours · 28/12/2025 00:18

Are you home yet OP? Did you sneak out of the door without telling your ex? If so does your ex think you’re playing an elaborate game of hide and seek and he will wonder for the rest of his life why he can’t find you?

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 28/12/2025 00:18

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 00:01

Thank you.
I have blocked his number and on every messaging service I can think of. My phone is also on ‘do not disturb’
We had plans for New Year’s Eve. At least now I won’t have to go and collect him and drive him there.

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Hahaha this is brilliant.

Be happy you are no longer driving miss daisy around the place.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 00:16

WearyAuldWumman · 28/12/2025 00:05

Thank you for the updates, @Didntwenearlyhaveitall . Glad you're on your way home.

Please tell your son that an auld Scottish wumman reckons that he's a star.

Thank you.
We are nearly home. My son and daughter are going to collect his car tomorrow so that I don’t have to go anywhere near ex.

OP posts:
MO0N · 28/12/2025 00:14

It sounds like he had you down for the role of unpaid servant OP, and thought he could make decisions for you and intimidate you into obeying him.
Also look at the example he's showing his son, a woman is a slave to be ordered around and then pressurized and verbally abused if she doesn't comply.
Imagine the liberties he would take had if he got his feet under the table in any way!

ohfourfoxache · 28/12/2025 00:11

I’m really sorry you’ve had such a horrible experience with this arsehole

There are 2 huge pluses - 1) you don’t have to waste another second on this whinging little man child, and 2) it sounds like you have raised an absolute gentleman of a son 💐

Winterburn · 28/12/2025 00:10

giallo · 28/12/2025 00:02

Give it a rest. This derailment is tone deaf on this thread.

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Stop derailing it then? I made a perfectly reasonable response, stating nothing but fact. If you don’t like it then move on. It’s that easy.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/12/2025 00:08

I’m so glad you got out of there and are safe OP. And you’ve obviously raised a lovely and resourceful (thinking about the car swap situation) son.

What a horrible man your ex sounds. I know he’s worried about his health problem but anyone who causes you to feel you have to lock yourself in the bathroom is not someone you should be around.

Talkingfrog · 28/12/2025 00:07

Thank you for the update.
Glad to hear your son was able to pick you up so don't have to spend the night where you don't feel safe. A good idea of his to swap cars.

WearyAuldWumman · 28/12/2025 00:05

Thank you for the updates, @Didntwenearlyhaveitall . Glad you're on your way home.

Please tell your son that an auld Scottish wumman reckons that he's a star.

giallo · 28/12/2025 00:05

I’m so glad to read your update. Well done to you and your son.

ClareBlue · 28/12/2025 00:04

Good luck OP. Despite you seeing his true colours tonight it still hurts knowing someone you were intimate with and who you spent time with, is not the person you thought they were. Most of us have been there at some stage in our lives.

Jumpingthruhoops · 28/12/2025 00:03

Doesn't matter a jot how much or how little you've had to drink: you've said no and that should be the end of it. He has no business trying to coerce you into something you don't want to do.

giallo · 28/12/2025 00:02

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 23:26

I was simply reading the other over reactions about “drink driving” (that wouldn’t actually be drink driving) and felt some perspective was needed.

I stated only facts, not opinion:

  • process approx 1 unit per hour, so time is relevant
  • food will reduce speed of absorption into blood

Also confirmed it’s totally up to the individual, but it’s ludicrous to think one sip of a drink will impair you, or that if you had one drink three hours ago that it would still be affecting you. Not sure why it upsets you so much to hear that? A friend was once sat drinking red wine in a camping trip, had been drinking a while, did a breath test out of interest and was still under the limit (no, he didn’t drive or plan to, it was just a test). So as far as OP losing her licence goes (which people seemed to focus on), probably unlikely. But still totally her choice, regardless of the drink factor tbh.

So yeah, none of that is opinion I’m afraid (expect thinking some comments are ridic). Just information that you don’t like.

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Give it a rest. This derailment is tone deaf on this thread.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 00:01

NamechangebumpforMandy · 27/12/2025 23:57

Have been lurking with fingers crossed that you would soon be safely on your way home. Your son’s been brilliant and clever to leave his car not yours.

What a prince among men your now ex has shown himself to be. I do hope he enjoys the subsequent weeks and months not being ferried around by you from his rural abode.

I am sure this doesn’t need saying but do ignore the forthcoming grovelling apology tomorrow when he’s realised he’ll need to walk everywhere.

Thank you.
I have blocked his number and on every messaging service I can think of. My phone is also on ‘do not disturb’
We had plans for New Year’s Eve. At least now I won’t have to go and collect him and drive him there.

OP posts:
Seriestwo · 28/12/2025 00:01

What an extraordinarily entitled man. you dumped him, right?

well done on raising a good one.

Ghana14 · 28/12/2025 00:01

You have had a lucky escape OP. The entitlement of some individuals is unbelievable. To badger you to drive when you had 2 large measures of alcohol is breathtaking. And then to verbally abuse you ? I know you are sad at what might have been. But tonight has shown you that was a fantasy sadly.

UninitendedShark · 28/12/2025 00:00

So pleased you’ve extracted yourself from that awful situation.

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