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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask my mom to stop gifting our kids donated toys

55 replies

CanadaGoose84 · 27/12/2025 20:41

I’ll try and keep this short and sweet! So for context I work on the R&D team for a small toy company here in Canada. One of the joys of my role is that my three kids (10, 8 and 4) basically have a year round supply of toys…both from a sample/toy tester POV for the stuff I design (best job ever right?!) and also copious amounts of brand new stuff that makes the production line for Xmas and birthdays.

My mom works for a small local women’s shelter, so for the last 5 years or so I have arranged for toys to be donated to them so that women attending the shelter over the holiday period have items to gift their kids.

The issue is, every year my kids keep getting gifted these toys which are meant to be for those in need.

My mom is by no means poor and can afford gifts outright, so why she feels the need to dip her hand in to the donation box is beyond us. The last straw has been this year, when the eldest was gifted a toy which currently retails for about $70 in the shops which would definitely have been far more appreciated by some-one in need (….he’d already tested two of prototypes and owns another three!).

My wife has said to her on more than one occasion that if it is truly a money issue we would happily ask that she gift small items like chocolate or books….but we don’t think that’s it. She owns her property outright as well as rents out several apartments. She was left a sizeable amount of inheritance from various family members and really only works at the shelter as something to do rather than any financial need. Most of her time is donated as a volunteer.

So AIBU to stop donating to the women’s shelter until my mom learns to stop using the donation box for our children? For what it’s worth the team who run the shelter apparently have no issue with it. I don’t deal with them directly, but know a couple
of other people that work there and they’re all allowed access to the toys too. Or is it unreasonable to ask the shelter to make sure the toys are only accessed by those in genuine need, and not those on the payroll?

OP posts:
Original poster
CanadaGoose84 · 27/12/2025 20:52

Arlanymor · 27/12/2025 20:47

You would stop donating to a women's shelter supporting hundreds of women because of this scenario involving only your family? That's wild. If you want to tell the shelter how to run things then you should volunteer yourself to see how it really works on the ground - and then you can have input on changes to the operating model - rather than asking them to make changes just because you won't talk to your mum!

I'm not sure why your wife has to talk to your mum when she is YOUR mum and you can talk to her! Just explain to her exactly what you have explained to us here. I'm sure she will be able to grasp it! Just ask her to stop gifting using donations - I re-read your post twice to check if I had missed you saying this to her already, but apparently not. Use your voice!

Sorry I should have specified! I have spoken to her myself….at least the two years it’s happened. She just shrugs her shoulders and says she thought the kids would like them and it’s a nice work perk.

…..forgetting it is also MY work perk, I guess?!

OP posts:
Tammygirl12 · 27/12/2025 20:48

Donate them to another worthy charity. Sorted.

there’s plenty of women and children in need across different states and countries. It doesn’t need to be that specific one!

Arlanymor · 27/12/2025 20:47

You would stop donating to a women's shelter supporting hundreds of women because of this scenario involving only your family? That's wild. If you want to tell the shelter how to run things then you should volunteer yourself to see how it really works on the ground - and then you can have input on changes to the operating model - rather than asking them to make changes just because you won't talk to your mum!

I'm not sure why your wife has to talk to your mum when she is YOUR mum and you can talk to her! Just explain to her exactly what you have explained to us here. I'm sure she will be able to grasp it! Just ask her to stop gifting using donations - I re-read your post twice to check if I had missed you saying this to her already, but apparently not. Use your voice!

HoppityBun · 27/12/2025 20:47

What a peculiar situation! Is there anywhere else you can donate these toys to? It would be so good if children who really need them could have them.

YAMDNBU

MyThreeWords · 27/12/2025 20:44

Of course you should ask her to stop doing this! She is essentially returning to you the toys that you have arranged for donation to families in need! Just tell her No!