My MIL has just announced she might stay until New Year

She’s been there since 21st. Time to go home and stop overstaying her welcome.

Having a preference for a few days of visitor free time is not combative at all. It’s called having a preference. And people are allowed to have them.

It always seems to be women that compromise what they want. And then they’re called combative for wanting something else.

Is there no way to compromise? Find ways to have time for yourself and accommodate MIL? It's not bollocks. It's about trying to be compassionate and find solutions for everyone, not the usual combative mumsnet shit.

Imagine losing your husband OP, properly imagine it. Let the poor woman stay and be around family this year and next year put limits on it. There's nothing stopping you going for walks.

And ignore this bollocks. You’re allowed to want to have time and your house entirely without visitors.

This is very cheeky. Can’t you just say it doesn’t work for you?

If you feel you can’t say anything to MIL, then say to DH that he will need to up the entertaining of MIL himself - outside the house - and give you a bit of proper time off ,that you were expecting) before you are back at work. If he’s moaning he won’t get downtime , then he has to work out what to do about MIL.
You are being very kind to consider having her there for so long - especially while you are on annual leave.

Gosh. Is it really that bad to have her around. Go for long walks without her. Leave her to enjoy time with the kids. Work at the dining table. Try and enjoy how lucky you are to have her around.

I think you might have Covid coming on and don’t want to spread it.

I understand your feelings because I don't really like people in my space that long, but given the circumstances maybe you should leave it, but don't feel pressure to host too much sounds like your DH has it covered, you can still go on your walks and things

My MIL stayed with us for 4 months after DHs dad died suddenly. She was just absolutely shellshocked with grief and could barely function. I'm not saying it was easy, it wasn't - I had 3 small children and my second son had just been diagnosed with autism. But looking back and with the benefit of hindsight, I'm glad we did. She was a good MIL and I miss her now she's no longer with us.

10 days might feel like a lot but it's a great kindness given it's her first Christmas as a widow. Just leave DH to entertain her and take yourself off for long walks, a look round the shops and a soak in the bath and an early night when you need to!

God babe, the fresh air has gone to your head - get yourself sat with a glass of wine and a pack of after 8s, stat xx

I am poking fun by the way 😄

@mumofoneAloneandwell your terrible choice of Christmas activities!

If it were my DM, I couldn't send her home for NY. I'd prioritise that first milestone with her, over meeting other people's needs im afraid. We have to accept this is what happens in life, sometimes. It's not an everyday occurance. At the same time, I'd find it hard because I dislike house guests. What does your DH feel?

She could have asked rather than announced. No matter how nice she is, we all need a bit of downtime.

I’d be demented too (and considering setting my own house on fire to smoke her out) but I do agree that it’s no coincidence that her husband has died and now she’s being like this.

Under the circumstances, I’d let her be. Sorry. You’ll get your reward in heaven, I’m sure. 😬

Its a personal observation on the op's terrible taste in christmas period activities.

Everyone knows this is the abyss where laziness is expected

Very unreasonable.

I would feel the same as you OP. I’m climbing the walks after 2 days with house guests! 10 days would finish me! But I get the guilt!

Really? I have sympathy with the OP’s MIL BUT I don’t think MIL “needs” a 10 day stay with her DS and DIL. Widowhood does not necessarily make a woman needy of 24/7 company. It’s all a bit infantilising to assume it does. My recently widowed mother does not “need” to spend oceans of time with her adult children

Your husband needs to talk to her and take her home tomorrow as planned. Talk to him.

I think she’s stayed more than enough if she’s been there since 21st! I would explain that you need your space and some time to recuperate before you go back to work. She needs to go home!!! you are not being a bitch at all!

I honestly hear you. My MIL is lovely too, we get on, we can spend time together no issues... however sometimes I just need my own space, and for the whole of the festive period to be taken away from me, I would find really overwhelming and would end up getting snappy.

However, there's no reason you can't do things with your DC including long walks etc. If she's there for that long, she isn't a guest as much as visiting family - subtle difference being you don't have to wait on her, she makes herself at home if you want to do other things, she doesn't need entertaining the whole time.

Tell her she's welcome to stay, however you will need to use your office for a few hours during the days to catch up on work, and you had x, y, z planned. She may join in, she may opt to stay home with a brew and enjoy some quiet time.

As I say I completely get you. But I also couldn't bring myself to go home on her own to face the rest of the festive period alone. It's such a difficult one.

My Mil has been here recovering from an operation since 4th December. Shes lovely but I feel your pain.

oh op I feel you, I had to host my dh family in a holiday home a few years back, like that she is lovely but spending all that time in each others space and with kids thrown in and trying to keep them entertained and things to do, I actually burnt myself out and had a nervous break down of sorts. I absolutely need to be able to retreat to my own home by myself no matter how lovely the company is. It’s something I need for my mental health, so long stays in my house are now off the cards even do my own family. I like to have our home to ourselves and I don’t mind the odd family night or gathering in mine but definitely not week long visits etc it’s too much on some Pepe

So not only is she wanting to extend her stay, but she will be ' gatecrashing ' the fun you were planning on NYE with your friends ( and will be a martyr and go to her room if she is tired )

Be careful, otherwise her staying for 10 days will become the norm...

@mumofoneAloneandwell “Plus, going for long walks over christmas is my idea of hell”
How is that helpful or relevant for the OP who would be keen to go for some winter walks?