My MIL has just announced she might stay until New Year

I would feel the same as you but would tolerate it as it's the first Christmas without her husband. But 10 days is way to long to stay for me. I don't like anyone staying for more than about 3 days.

Some of the responses here are heartbreaking.
This is genuinely sad.
The world has lost its sense of humanity.
People think only of themselves - me, me, me.

I hate hosting, even lovely guests, and would be going spare. I need my own space and not to feel under pressure to be sociable. MIL stays for 3 nights every Christmas and that's more than enough.

She lost her husband last year, have a heart. The first time she has done this solo Xmas. She has probably found it hard and is finding comfort being around you all. Be the bigger person but next year lay ground rules.

I always wonder why people don't wait to be invited

Could your husband not tell her gently that you need your office back (as agreed) but that he will help her settle back in by taking her home and staying with her for a couple of nights? You get some peace and he can make some really positive one on one time with his mum. She will likely find that more of a easing in being back home rather than the shock of a busy home to being totally alone.

My only contribution to this thread is- as a 40 yrs told wife of a 43 year old DH with kids in primary is to feel suddenly appreciative of DH and dread the day he is gone.

And op, you’re not a selfish cunt whatever some other posters might say.

You may be in a similar situation one day - widowed and lonely .

I speak from experience- my mil overstayed her welcome and I resented it. Fifteen years later I am newly widowed and am desperate not to be alone during this time .

Driving conditions could potentially be far worse when she finally decides to leave

You need your office back, you need a bit of routine/normality to prepare for the return to work/school and she needs to be a bit more self aware and go home

Dearie me. Abusive. No need. Calm down.

It isn’t selfish at all to want time alone.

The mil will be fine.

No. Turfed out is wholly inaccurate. It’s means booted out, ejected.

The original plan was for her to leave on a set date. It’s cheeky to announce she’s staying longer. To leave on the pre arranged date is not being booted out. It’s sticking to the original agreement.

But do let’s add some emotional blackmail to the mix, shall we? Just in case the op hasn’t yet learned that, despite being a welcome hostess, what she now wants doesn’t matter.

If she is inviting herself to stay longer than planned, you should make it clear that you had some things already arranged for that time and get on with your life rather than continuing to host at the same level you have for the past week.

She is clearly not picking up on hints or considering that she may be overstaying. I can't imagine ever someday imposing on my adult children like this for their entire holiday work break!

A balance was what was arranged, and I would be sure to point out to your husband that if the situation were reversed and this were your mother, he would be upset.

Given that you work full time and have limited free time like this, you are not being at all unreasonable. If anything, you are being too nice and you have made it too nice for your MIL, so she doesn't want to leave. Going forward, I'd make sure she knows you have firm plans starting the day she is expected to leave so that there is a very clear end date to the visit.

Too late if the decision has been made. I would have suggested DH went home with her for a few days, and she could go to BIL for NY.
PILs came on the 20th for Christmas one year. Due to leave on the 28th which was far too long already. Anyway FIL decided he was having such a lovely time they would stay for ‘another few weeks’. My cousin was coming to stay so we had to ask them to leave and it caused grief for years! FIL wanted to stay because he was enjoying the food and sitting on his bum. I doubt MIL wanted to stay. It was an incredibly awkward morning getting them to leave.

I agree with previous posts saying stop overly hosting now and just try and do exactly what you would if she wasn’t there. Announce you are staying in pyjamas doing hobbies and eating just crisps. Or whatever you feel like doing. You sound very patient and kind so don’t feel bad about it. You deserve a rest and need to feel relaxed before going back to work.

She’d be going home even though she didn’t want to - so turfed out would be perfectly accurate.

I don’t think the op’s or her dh’s relationship
with MIL would survive unscathed. It actually is quite a dramatic situation in the sense that it turns on some serious moral dilemmas.

that said, I do think it would be completely fine for DH to say ‘of course mum, it will be lovely to have you here, but do you mind if we just get on with stuff now? Also, OP needs to work and recharge for the next period of work slog now, so she’ll be in and out depending on what she has to do. But you can help yourswlf to lunch and snacks can’t you mum, and make yourself at home?

I think you should - when calm - tell her that you need to do some work in the office so could you work out some times to do that during the day.
Also - just go for long walks! Stop doing so much "hosting" -let her do a supermarket shop, give her some jobs. She probably just wants to be around people for a bit longer. The evenings alone are long especially recently widowed.

In short, it's ok to get on with the stuff you want to do and still have her stay longer.

Yes well you make sure you shut your husband down firmly regarding your mother going forward.

Visitors are exhausting, particularly during the winter months.

You really need to get out of the house, meet friends and leave him to it.

The space will do you good.

She’s not being turfed out. She’s simply going home.

Oooh the drama.

Your feelings are totally valid and understandable. I get that it's disappointing when you were looking forward to having some time to decompress and without having to be switched 'on.' I think you sound like a kind person; you are concerned about MIL and you aren't showing your feelings to her.

Could you say you've made plans for someone else to stay over (in the office)?

OP I know exactly how you feel about wanting some time without hosting. My mum arrived on the 16th and stayed til the 27th. She made a comment at one point about maybe staying til the NY but I immediately nipped it in the bud by being honest about really needing some time in the house just us and she understood. I would have expected my DH to do the same if it had been his DM

It seems a shame that DBIL invited her for NYE and he will now be on his own. Could DH not broach that with his Mum?