Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws with tiny stomachs

543 replies

HumbleStumble · 27/12/2025 19:06

Staying with in-laws (aged in late 60s). We are a normal healthy family with normal appetites (I think?). I am sick of having to "request" 3 meals a day. As far as I can work out they generally must eat a cup of tea for breakfast, a dry wafer with a thimble of cheese for lunch and a grilled sardine for dinner usually, with loud exclamations that the enormous amount consumed for each meal will see them out for the next few days.

Today I have had to drive to a cafe for a normal lunch and bought horderves "for Christmas" just to bulk up the dinner of boiled potatoes and two slices of ham. Children are ravenous. It was their choice of hosting, and I am paying for all the food (but they get to dictate the (lack of) menu!

OP posts:
Aethelredtheunsteady · 28/12/2025 15:29

HorrorFan81 · 28/12/2025 15:12

Feel like this thread has alot of competitive under eating going on

Show quote history

That’s just mumsnet tbf…

Bellagetdown · 28/12/2025 15:27

starfishmummy · 28/12/2025 15:17

Some people are very "territorial" about their kitchens - my mil doesnt even like other family making a cuppa.

Show quote history

I’m like that, but I’m coeliac. I do make things containing gluten for my family, but I am really careful about what I use and where I use it due to cross contamination.

If someone else made themselves a sandwich in my kitchen, they wouldn’t know which chopping board to use, or which butter is mine and would likely contaminate a lot of stuff.

I get a lot of rolling of eyes from family, but I’m not taking the risk of feeling like death.

I am a feeder though so there is always more than enough food.

JohnTheRevelator · 28/12/2025 15:21

AmarylIis · 27/12/2025 19:20

YANBU, but what are horderves?

I think the OP meant hors d'oevres! It's a savoury appetiser.

starfishmummy · 28/12/2025 15:17

EmeraldShamrock000 · 27/12/2025 20:04

Why can’t you cook a meal while you are staying there, as an adult and family why are you waiting to be served meals.

Some people are very "territorial" about their kitchens - my mil doesnt even like other family making a cuppa.

takealettermsjones · 28/12/2025 15:15

This is all very amusingly delivered so I don't know if you're going for light-hearted or not, sorry if so... but I couldn't stand this dancing around a subject and just passively letting my children go hungry in order to not offend?! Honestly just cheerily make more food and ignore their faces. I'd also be livid at my DH for doing nothing about this.

soupyspoon · 28/12/2025 15:15

Im not sure why you just didnt say, I need some bread with this?

HorrorFan81 · 28/12/2025 15:12

Legomania · 28/12/2025 15:10

You really think healthy, active adults can't take in three meals a day without becoming overweight?

Show quote history

Feel like this thread has alot of competitive under eating going on

Legomania · 28/12/2025 15:10

shuggles · 28/12/2025 12:43

@HumbleStumble And no doubt, your in laws are a healthy weight, as opposed to the rest of the population. 2/3 of adults are either overweight or obese, last time I checked.

You really think healthy, active adults can't take in three meals a day without becoming overweight?

HorrorFan81 · 28/12/2025 15:07

HumbleStumble · 28/12/2025 15:05

Lunch today was a thin broth soup. No bread. The bowls were filled up halfway. I threw some cheese under the surface for us when in laws were attending to an unexpected knock at the door (Amazon delivering to wrong house). When they returned to their soup they said they couldn't possibly finish any more and started washing up. One takeaway (am dreading the process of ordering) and one more sleep to go.

So out of interest if you had said 'oh we are quite hungry so just going to butter some bread to have with this', what would have happened?

Original poster
HumbleStumble · 28/12/2025 15:05

Lunch today was a thin broth soup. No bread. The bowls were filled up halfway. I threw some cheese under the surface for us when in laws were attending to an unexpected knock at the door (Amazon delivering to wrong house). When they returned to their soup they said they couldn't possibly finish any more and started washing up. One takeaway (am dreading the process of ordering) and one more sleep to go.

OP posts:
HorrorFan81 · 28/12/2025 15:05

Tink3rbell30 · 28/12/2025 14:58

They can eat but lunch is only usually small anyway isn't it? Not a full blown meal.

Show quote history

Lunch is literally one of the 3 meals a day that most people commonly eat. I tend to have a similar number of calories for lunch and dinner, assuming I am not eating out or doing a fancy evening meal. Even then I would still have a substantial lunch

Tink3rbell30 · 28/12/2025 14:58

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 28/12/2025 14:47

By the same token; you know visitors will, in all likelihood, want to eat at lunchtime. Don't you think it would be nicer for your guests to be catered for? It's really awkward having to store and prepare meals in someone else's kitchen.

Show quote history

They can eat but lunch is only usually small anyway isn't it? Not a full blown meal.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 28/12/2025 14:47

Tink3rbell30 · 28/12/2025 13:19

No they know that I only do breakfast and tea/dinner in my house.

Show quote history

By the same token; you know visitors will, in all likelihood, want to eat at lunchtime. Don't you think it would be nicer for your guests to be catered for? It's really awkward having to store and prepare meals in someone else's kitchen.

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 28/12/2025 14:32

Tink3rbell30 · 28/12/2025 13:19

No they know that I only do breakfast and tea/dinner in my house.

Show quote history

If you know full well that your guests would usually eat three meals and you still choose to only offer them two, you are a poor host.
You are putting your own desire to do meals only twice in a day above your guests desire to eat 3 meals - that does not make you a generous and hospitable hosts.

HazelMember · 28/12/2025 14:28

JFDIYOLO · 28/12/2025 13:58

I don't get it ... You're driving, shopping and paying? What stops you getting in what your family need and serving what the ILs wants?

Briskly shut down any 'comments' with the science of how growing children and active adults need more fuel.

Ask how much they'd like then serve them smaller portions as requested and your family what you need.

The wet blanket DH should be speaking up. He is happy to let his children starve rather than speak to his parents that himself and his family need more food.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 28/12/2025 14:28

I hate both extremes of food botherers.

I actually feel lucky to have gallbladder surgery coming up because people seem to understand "I'm on a diet pre-surgery" vs, "no thank you, I don't want another glass of wine".

People who won't take no for an answer and people who don't serve you anything are equally annoying.

JFDIYOLO · 28/12/2025 13:58

I don't get it ... You're driving, shopping and paying? What stops you getting in what your family need and serving what the ILs wants?

Briskly shut down any 'comments' with the science of how growing children and active adults need more fuel.

Ask how much they'd like then serve them smaller portions as requested and your family what you need.

Tink3rbell30 · 28/12/2025 13:19

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 28/12/2025 12:18

Gosh that's so rude!
I'd never dream of having guests staying and only offering 2 meals 😳
Snacks aren't a meal, don't you find yourself worrying guests might he hungry and too polite to say anything?!

Show quote history

No they know that I only do breakfast and tea/dinner in my house.

Aethelredtheunsteady · 28/12/2025 13:15

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 28/12/2025 12:26

But don't you plan at all before having guests?!

Im honestly shocked on this thread at how inhospitable some people clearly are, not planning at all for guests, not thinking beforehand about what food they will need in, what they will serve at various meal times?!

If I know my mum is coming to stay for a few days I'll make a point of buying in some 'nicer' things for lunch. I might normally just have a bit of soup or a sandwich but if I have guests I'll make a effort to buy a few interesting bits so that my guests have choices, eg some quiche, some salads, some different breads eg maybe some fresh soft rolls + an artisan loaf for toasting, some extra bits like some nice biscuits, posh crisps to snack on?
And I'll plan evening meals to be stuff where there would always be plenty in case of big appetites. I'd always rather have made too much and end up freezing a few portions later than end up skimping to squeeze out enough portions and people be left hungry.

Its part of of hosting guests that you go to some effort to ensure they are comfortable during their stay, you clean the house before they arrive, you ensure you have nice food in and plenty of it, if they prefer camomile tea, you get some in!!

Show quote history

Agree! I’m not a coeliac vegetarian but when my friend who is comes to stay I make sure our main meals are all things she can have and get in GF bread, snacks, separate butter/jam etc. I don’t really eat much for breakfast but have a friend who does so I get in croissants, bacon, sausages etc when he stays. I know my gran won’t want a lot and panics about food waste so I serve her up a smaller portion and let her know I can get her more if she wants etc.

CountryMouse22 · 28/12/2025 13:01

AmarylIis · 27/12/2025 19:20

YANBU, but what are horderves?

Horses Dooverses!

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 28/12/2025 13:00

AmarylIis · 27/12/2025 19:20

YANBU, but what are horderves?

Like you didn't want to just bring up a spelling mistake.

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 28/12/2025 12:59

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 28/12/2025 11:19

Oh bollocks to that. The op is being humorous and given no indication of ‘anxiety’ over being with people in a mood, and it’s time to stop blaming ‘condition’ as a child and start leading my example to her own children.

im not suggesting being rude and all guns blazing, but simply being firm and matter of fact at the beginning of the stay and setting out your stall. And let them be offended if they want.

its really bad hosting on their behalf and if anyone should be offended, it should be op as her in laws have clearly given no thought to their guests, how rude.

Show quote history

I think i am a bit in love with you, @Iwishicouldflyhigh

HazelMember · 28/12/2025 12:54

Minjou · 28/12/2025 11:05

People who say this so casually need to check their privilege. It's not so easy to talk like that to parents who act like this, what do you imagine it was like growing up with them, clearly they're difficult and controlling.

Show quote history

Might be difficult but children (or adults) can't be left to starve.

SpinningaCompass · 28/12/2025 12:51

Ugh. We had this when we used to visit my husband's parents. I don't think it's uncommon. They had money (loads!), but think they forgot how much food teenagers can eat! We would go out and top up the 'snacks' and cereal and cook a lot of the meals so they wouldn't go hungry

nicepotoftea · 28/12/2025 12:49

shuggles · 28/12/2025 12:43

@HumbleStumble And no doubt, your in laws are a healthy weight, as opposed to the rest of the population. 2/3 of adults are either overweight or obese, last time I checked.

If they eat as described by the OP, they are probably malnourished because of lack of fibre and vitamins.