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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws with tiny stomachs

543 replies

HumbleStumble · 27/12/2025 19:06

Staying with in-laws (aged in late 60s). We are a normal healthy family with normal appetites (I think?). I am sick of having to "request" 3 meals a day. As far as I can work out they generally must eat a cup of tea for breakfast, a dry wafer with a thimble of cheese for lunch and a grilled sardine for dinner usually, with loud exclamations that the enormous amount consumed for each meal will see them out for the next few days.

Today I have had to drive to a cafe for a normal lunch and bought horderves "for Christmas" just to bulk up the dinner of boiled potatoes and two slices of ham. Children are ravenous. It was their choice of hosting, and I am paying for all the food (but they get to dictate the (lack of) menu!

OP posts:
Mrspatmoresapprentice · 27/12/2025 19:26

I would hate that. Can’t you just tell them? PIL, we are all starving, so for dinner can we have the xyz that I BOUGHT??
And where is your DH in all this? Can’t he have a word?

somanychristmaslights · 27/12/2025 19:26

Doesn’t DH say anything to his parents?

ShortyShorts · 27/12/2025 19:26

I voted YANBU due to the exaggeration and you 'requesting' meals instead of you and your husband feeding yourselves and your kids.

Also, unless you've just met them, surely you both know what they're like?

CandiedPrincess · 27/12/2025 19:23

As you get older, you need less calories, your metabolism changes and you eat less. A lot of older people only eat small meals.

Original poster
HumbleStumble · 27/12/2025 19:23

AmarylIis · 27/12/2025 19:20

YANBU, but what are horderves?

I'm too ravenous to spell hors d'oeuvres.

OP posts:
OneOfEachPlease · 27/12/2025 19:22

Gah this is maddening. My ex in laws are lovely generous people but because ‘there will be dinner later!’ there was never any lunch?! They used to think my appetite was a marvel: oneofeachplease just eats and eats -said with awe. 😂

AmarylIis · 27/12/2025 19:20

YANBU, but what are horderves?

BendicksAddict · 27/12/2025 19:18

My mother used to serve tiny portions and never cook enough for second helpings, and tutted about the cost of food. Or she would cook pasta with a cheap sauce, chide me for my extravagant cooking, and show how cheaply she could feed my DCs. She would eat fresh fish and steak when she was alone - and not short of money but had the attitude that things were 'too good' for children to eat (ie fresh fruit) but was able to offer them custard creams! It's all about control. Ignore it

Original poster
HumbleStumble · 27/12/2025 19:18

wizzywig · 27/12/2025 19:08

Do they eat normal amounts when they are at yours?

They always say they already have dinner "on" at their home when visiting so decline to eat.

OP posts:
Original poster
HumbleStumble · 27/12/2025 19:17

BillieWiper · 27/12/2025 19:10

If you're paying for all the food why don't you supply more of it?

Because they simply will refuse it. I've had to get want they want and any extra is seen as waste (and I suspect / worry is thrown away). I have stored some extra supplies in our car given the cold weather 😂

OP posts:
grinchmcgrinchface · 27/12/2025 19:12

My parents are the same, literally have one meal a day and claims it fills them up and can’t possibly eat anymore. We don’t visit anymore if it can be helped as we always starve. (Not skint either.)

Oioiqueen · 27/12/2025 19:11

Drives me mad when people are so stingy. My in laws tend to not eat breakfast until about 9/10am so miss lunch and then eat a dinner around 6/7pm. However they are aware that is not the norm amongst us younger people with higher metabolisms. They will gladly announce they have our kids favourite cereal in so that they can have breakfast at their usual 7am and then join in with the toast, crumpets and bagels at 9/10am. They also leave tons of sandwich stuff in the fridge and a full fruit bowl for us to help ourselves to through the day. Anything in particular we want we bring with us or we get asked before they do the online shop if we want to add anything. I thought everyone did this?

There is just no need to assume that everyone else has the same appetite.

Overthebow · 27/12/2025 19:10

If you paid for the food then just eat it? Make a sandwich, extra bowl of cereal?

BillieWiper · 27/12/2025 19:10

If you're paying for all the food why don't you supply more of it?

cocobanana922 · 27/12/2025 19:09

Do they not have food in the fridge? If you paid for all the food then where is it?

wizzywig · 27/12/2025 19:08

Do they eat normal amounts when they are at yours?

wizzywig · 27/12/2025 19:07

Comment "you're going to eat all that?!" when they eat their pea for dinner

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 27/12/2025 19:07

Are they skint and can’t add to host and provide?