In laws with tiny stomachs

Crikey - that hasn't happened to me (yet) !?!

Be totally honest OP. Are you fat?

Do you not understand the concept of hosting guests?!

When you invite people to stay it's usual that you also serve them food and drinks!

I'd be mortified if guests in my home felt they had to bring food and start cooking it themselves that just demonstrates you've been a poor host?!

My parents similarly now have small appetites and do the whole 'we won't need dinner, we had a big lunch' thing.

But they absolutely recognise this is their age and would be horrified to think of the teen grandkids going hungry in their home so when hosting always provide lots of food and check with us as to what portion sizes we will need. Because they understand what it means to be hospitable hosts?

Sounds painful OP. Next time I'd plan ahead and bring "special" christmas cereal for the kids so they can fill up at breakfast and a bunch of snacks for inbetween / head out for a walk with the kids and go for top up lunch!

I’m in my 60’s, my appetite is nowhere near it used to be. Our adult children and a dil live with us and we seem to cook too much, because they don’t finish it either, so we throw out loads of leftovers.

My otherwise very lovely and not remotely hard up in-laws were like this. They had never been big eaters and as they got older it became insane. I was normally fairly relaxed about it as you could fill up around meals on bits and pieces, but I lost patience completely when my poor husband had been doing a variety of highly physical tasks for them one morning and my FIL produced, for lunch, a ready meal for one featuring a 2" by 2" piece of cod which he suggested that us three adults could share with my then 2 year old. I just said very firmly, "I'm sorry, FIL, that's a meal for one and the whole thing wouldn't be enough for DH after the amount of work he's done today, what else do you have?" and started rifling through his freezer. He was a little offended (embarrassed, I think) but he did up his game a bit on quantities after that.

I am 69 and also waiting for the small appetite to appear🍰🍷

This just reinforces my suspicion that my family are secretly hobbits! My
mum (70s) still eats lots, as did my grandma well into her 80s, there are no small appetites in any age group for us!

I think there are a few strategies you can try if you don’t want to confront it head on. You could pop to the supermarket and pick up a few things ‘that our local Sainsbury’s doesn’t have’ and that you wanted to try (and of course they are short dated so you’d better just pop them out for lunch / snacks…). You could get the children to bake / cook something if they are at an appropriate age - it would be very heartless to not then serve up / eat their cooking of course. Another option is to double up on the veg etc. you help prep because you ‘saw this great Nigella recipe for leftover x’. Oh whoops, we ate the intended leftovers. Same idea ‘while the oven is on we will cook up x for tomorrow’ (save on gas doncha know) and ooops, it just looked so yummy once done!

In other words, been there, done that, and learnt some tricks along the way. I have a couple of friends with ED as well so I also always have emergency snacks in my overnight bag (graze flapjack, some olives, pack of biscuits swiped from the train) as I detest being hungry while trying to get to sleep and I don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable (we’ve had occasions where a bowl of mixed nuts and bottle of wine was declared dinner, that sort of thing).

Their diet sounds very low in protein.

Staggering lack of awareness. DH and I have reached the age where we basically eat one main meal a day: a decent lunch or dinner, but not both. But we are fully aware that children and young adults hoover up food! And we are happy to provide it. When DD stays I make sure there’s cereal, bacon, eggs available plus ham/cheese for sandwiches and 3 meals a day are provided but our portions will be much smaller. I don’t get the weird behaviour of your PIL

We NEED the laugh emoji back!

I think it's common when people retire. My dad became like this.

Why on earth would asking for more food rock the boat? Food that you'd be paying for?

People need to communicate more. Just tell them you need more food, get a supermarket delivery, and rock on. It's ridiculous otherwise, especially with hungry children.

My ex-ILs were like this. A tiny cup of coffee and half a piece of toast for breakfast. Then it’s time to hike all day. Surely we don’t need lunch.

my parents were just as bad. They ate normal portions, but served their “children” portions that would have been appropriate when we were 5 when we would come to visit. I There was a reason I was severely underweight when I left home for university. Even if I tried to take over and buy the groceries and cook, they would find ways to keep me from playing up normal meals for everyone, like packing up the “leftovers” before we even served dinner.

🤣🤣🤣 Oh dear!

Yeah, my late elderly father fell into the habit of skipping lunch and was just appalled that I would have lunch! And he wasn't working but I was! He seemed to conveniently forget that he had eaten a packed lunch every day of his working life!

Communicate with them! Tell them that you need a lot more food and arrange a delivery for soon after you get there! Then cook and eat, and leave them to their bird portions. It's better to communicate than not to visit.

My late father never had any food in in his later years. He ate out all the time. My sis and I had to do big food orders whenever we went to stay.

Make extra cheese toasties, soup, baked beans on toast for the kids - they are growing and ravenous.
Be sure the children fill up on extra bowls of porridge, eggs etc for breakfast.
Make a cake or two - leave one for inlaws - as gifts for having you stay.
Offer everyone hot cocoa and milk before bed.

My friends just rummage through stuff and go “can I eat/cook this?”
I do feed people but also encourage the help yourself

Some people just eat less than others and while it is normal for some people to be in the kitchen sorting out three meals a day, for others it is too much. It is weird to jump to accusations of ‘controlling’ just because of differing appetites. I’d expect you to be welcome to help yourself to toast or cereal for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch but you can’t expect an older couple to have the same eating habits as a young family and then complain about them when they don’t.

Cant you just go into kitchen and help yourselves to toast and snacks etc

I definitely want to eat less at 59 than I did at 40 so perhaps they have forgotten what guzzlers folks are at that age. It’s basic biology which is taught in schools and the reason why they want to eat less than you.

ETB surely

Saved by the Take-away.

Surely you could say, the children need more than that - they are growing? You don't mention the age of your children but teenage boys especially, are practically hollow. Can you put a carrier bag of extras on a fridge shelf and say 'That's ours, we'll take it when we leave, save you having to deal with it'. Then you can put it on the table and everyone can help themselves.