In laws with tiny stomachs

I voted YABU for going there in the first place.

But, I am 44 and I've noticed I need to/can eat less than I used to so I imagine that will increase as time (hopefully) goes on, so it may not be deliberate if they don't have people round a lot and don't realise others need more.

That being said, if feeding people, I'd always make sure I made plenty of food, enough for leftovers, and serve in dishes out in the table for people to help themselves so everyone has enough.

You don’t need to give up, just don’t starve your guests.

But you know most people do, right? So presumably when you have people to stay you offer them a meal, even if you yourself are not partaking?

Honestly I’m not a grandparent but reading these boards they can’t win! They are wrong if they push off in holiday but they are annoying to host. Now they either eat too little or provide too much food! I would give up.

Well I am in my 60s and like my food! Boiled eggs for breakfast .sandwiches lunch with fruit or yoghurt. Proper meal eve.spag bol .meat and 2 veg for Dinner. Snack before bed.Also need to eat well as recovery from illness.

There is such moral superiority about eating scantly and being thin, my DPs were always ashamed of me for not being sparrow like - it’s taken many years for me to realise that would be difficult with the frame and build I have. Now they are very old and both suffer from osteoporosis, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone it’s a horrible crippling disease. They ate relatively normally up to their 60s but then very little and catered accordingly- I remember the time DS took the bowl of pasta intended for all 5 of us to share as being for him and putting it all on his plate, to be fair there wasn’t much of it.

Ironically they now due to various sad reasons stock their fridge as if the blitz was due whilst still eating sparrow like portions so the food generally goes off and has to be thrown away.

Eat what you need OP and don’t be shamed for it.

My late MiL was the opposite, forcing food at every opportunity - a groaning board at midday with huge bowls of potatoes, 3 types of puddings etc, then what seemed like a couple of hours later tea, cakes, mince pies, then more food . She would get offended if you didn’t try her cakes.

That is so selfish of your sister! If she doesn’t want to eat she doesn’t have to but she should have made food for you. Especially as you were recovering and had got all the ingredients. That is really horrible of her. What was her justification for being so awful to you?! It’s not like she had to pay for the food and didn’t have the money etc. Such weird behaviour! Also can’t understand how people host and put less food on. I always have more than ample on the table so everyone can eat well. No point in hosting if your guests have to constantly check if there is enough food before eating anything!

It is SUCH bad hosting to give people too little food

it is possibly unique to the U.K. as most countries have a very different hosting culture

the weirdest thing is that you did not speak up either but politely pretended you had been fed adequately

such weird power games/ power dynamics really, to deliberately underfeed one’s guests

i would not stay with people like this again, tough for them, but I really would not

Sis has issues.

That is ridiculous. I get that older people don't need as much food, but forgetting that other people do is really bad of them.

YABU just because this is yet another thread about the ‘in-laws’, like they are another species.
Yet the ‘in-laws’ are also parents - the same people!
Why so many moans, or is it about you as an ‘in-law’?

Anyway, back to food. Not in law specific, this is just different people, different lives, different expectations.
My friend was like this, I would keep food in my room to eat because I was so hungry. Two tiny sliced bread squares of tuna sandwich is just not enough between 12.00 and 18.00.
My mum, we visited on Christmas Eve, and the table was set with one mince pies each.

On the other hand, I have my children staying. They eat much more than I do, they help themselves at home, wander out to a cafe and shops, cook for us all sometimes. I haven't slept for three nights because I have eaten far too much. I am shattered.

If only it were that simple! My sister proudly tells us she’s got nothing in when we go to stay. I take our own food but we get the silent treatment if we cook it. We often have to stop off on the way home to eat as we’re hungry. Lots of comments like ‘wow, you’re going to eat all that’. It’s dreadful. She had a BBQ in the summer for 16 people and provided 8 sausages as ‘not everyone would want one’. All the guests were starving but she never seems to notice. I brought sausages with me but wasn’t allowed to cook them.

She came to stay and help me after major surgery earlier this year. I was on some hefty medication that had to be taken with food so I needed to eat at set times throughout the day. I’d bought everything for her to make simple nutritious meals while she was here. She wouldn’t cook. She actually told my daughter that she didn’t need to eat. It was dreadful. I was so ill and the medication was making me feel terrible because I didn’t have enough food. Despite being in a lot of pain, it was a relief when she left so I could have some proper healthy meals!

She proudly told me this week that she doesn’t cook
for her teenage son any more. He makes his own meals. She never cooks. Says it’s too stressful. Her
DH cooks for them both. She eats what he makes but left to her own devices, she’d live on soup and salad.

I love my MIL but she is like this. She invited us round for dinner Christmas Eve. It was a bowl of veg soup with one piece of bread. I had the same portion as my 7 year old nephew! DH was allowed an extra bowl.

I maybe menopausal but I do Pilates, weight lift and run! DH competes in ultras. We need our food!

Your DH is a dick for letting his kids go hungry to not ‘rock the boat’, why would it rock the boat anyway? And you’re as bad for allowing your poor kids to go hungry.

If your DH refuses to advocate for you, and would rather see his DC and wife go hungry than upset his parents, then I'd refuse to visit them again. Invite them to yours instead, and allow them to eat as little as they want, but don't deprive yourself. Alternatively, accept their invites but on the condition you can take additional food to cater for your larger appetites.

My late Nanan “ooh I got plenty in” open the fridge - a pint of milk, a tomato, two slices of ham and a yoghurt. Fruit bowl had a mushy black banana and a soft orange.

Cupboards - two of those small tins of baked beans, a pot of Ambrosia rice pudding, tea bags and coffee

Freezer - quarter of a pack of frozen veg and one of those bags of frozen cod you get in Iceland with one piece left.

That would not feed me a day

SIX Weetabix each plus toast and fruit? Assume you're joking??

I don’t really need breakfast. I’m very well aware my kids need 6 weetbix each with milk and then happily hoover up toast and fruit to follow up if time. An hour later they will be ready for a snack, an hour after that ‘is it lunch time yet???’

I was once told the company offered real wood or " fox" (faux) wood.

Sorry for derailing thread

Sounds like you’re saying some people shouldn’t host others. The op literally says they are buying all the food but think the hosts would have binned any ‘extra’ they ordered. My mum doesn’t need to eat a huge amount, but she feeds her grandkids well when they are over (& us too)!

It’s not hard though when the op has listed what they eat?

we couldn’t survive this because my active healthy kids would have a melt down and eat the furniture and any host would regret their choices when they saw the difference between feeding them and not feeding them. Luckily we don’t have to survive it at any family members of ours!

You are catering for them if there’s plenty of food available and it’s made clear they can help themselves wherever they choose. If guests are incapable of making themselves a sandwich or taking some fruit out of the bowl they’re not hungry.

DH has just retired and is saying he feels we ought to eat less although I am a few years younger and not at that stage yet 😂
However he has been triggered after coming back from a festive meal with my mum (in her 90s) and the rest of my family - the table was groaning under the weight of all the food on it, both for the main course (there was ham, turkey and only 4 sausages each plus hard boiled eggs, new potatoes, lots of different salads and plenty of fresh bread, then several different desserts plus lots of ice cream, hot chocolate sauce and the expectation that everyone would have at least two different choices…
needless to say she was still worrying as we sat down that there wasn’t enough food but lots ended up being put in the fridge for the next few days 🤣 But still I’d much rather her be like that (always enjoyed putting on a decent spread for guests) even if she doesn’t eat much herself any more so struggles to work out how much is reasonable now (not being able to fit the bread basket in the table as it was covered with so much other stuff should have been a clue I think!) And it meant that there was plenty for the family that did stay over to eat at without any effort for the next few days too.

But a good host should not expect visitors to have to go foraging for food in the kitchen because they haven't been offered enough? I'd feel so rude just going in someone else's kitchen and helping myself!!

As a host even if you yourself would usually eat less you should be considering the needs of your guests and catering to them?