In laws with tiny stomachs

War time and rationing conditioning probably.

Legally, it's no defence that you were only obeying horderves .

If you're hosting you offer snacks instead of one of the typical three meals in a day? Why?

Half of MN only seem to eat one meal a week day , its quite unusual to read about people who get hungry and eat 3 meals a day! 😄 We do, and I often feel like we are in a minority. No-one is overweight, in fact DS might even be borderline underweight - he eats the most.

Ive been to a few family meals where you have to do a quick calculation on how many potatoes/green beans you should take so that everyone at the table gets some (usually maximum 3)

Why are people so concerned about being seen as impolite, that they never realise how rude other people are being to them? It is the job of a host to make guests feel welcome, comfortable and have plenty of food and drinks available. Your PIL are appallingly bad hosts. If they have small appetites, fine, they may choose small portions; but they shouldn't deny you the food you have bought. You've bought the food - I would be making full meals three times a day, putting it all on the table, and if they wish to just have a cup of tea and chat while you enjoy croissants etc., that's fine. They shouldn't make you feel bad - or feign offence - because you have normal appetites.

You are very lucky if all the people you are close to would accept a bit of honest talking from you, reflect on what you say, change their ways, all move on, never mentioned again. There are plenty of families and relationships where that kind of conversation is unthinkable because it would lead to any or all of pursed lips, tears, bad feeling, huffiness, silent treatment, grudges held for years afterwards, horrible things said that can't be unsaid afterwards or forgotten. It's very clear from many, many threads like this I've seen over the years that some people (OP and her husband amongst them) genuinely feel, and with reason, that a short period of rumbling tummies is the lesser of the two evils. At least they will be home soon.

I helped an old neighbour during Covid and was concerned about how little he ate. It was all nutritionally balanced and good quality - fish, duck, tinned fruits, etc. - but tiny amounts and few carbs. He was fine though and as fit as anything for his age.

We used to get him a weekly takeaway delivery once a week when we’d have one which he loved. His son told us afterwards that he loved them but would eke out the portion for days!

It’s just a case of diminishing appetites and hosting becoming a chore well before they want to admit it.

That's awful. You don't eat lunch so nobody else should either? And make do with a few breadsticks or something??

Oh yes. I was brought up that way and it was so unhealthy for a growing child. "We have a fancy meal booked for 7.30pm so therefore will not eat anything all say". So disordered.

Luckily I have an OK relationship with my mother and if I want to eat and she doesn't, her reaction is more bemused than critical. She doesn't ban us from bringing food into the house or get all offended when we do.

It's really weird. She must know that portion sizes in pubs/restaurants have not increased dramatically and that she is eating less than she used to but she just can't see it. I have the option for a free all-inclusive holiday next year (I will be working) and thought about offering her to come as my plus one but quite honestly, could not put up with 5 nights of constant commentary about how much other people were eating.

See, this is the only aspect in which I think you are being U. Or not you, your DH.

It's his parents. How can he have been raised by them, known them all these years, and be able to say, in a kind way, look mom and dad, I kno you don't eat much but we are starving here. We love you and love spending time with you but PLEASE can you feed us a bit more?

Imagine you are the parents. Which would be preferable!

1. your son gently flags it with you.
2. you son, daughter and grandkids spend the whole visit secretly unhappy because they ar hungry but unable to tell you this.

I think it would take a real monster to genuinely prefer number 2. And they don't sound like actual monsters, from what OP describes.

But I dunno, somehow it often feels on Mumsnet that you will have ill do anything to avoid actually telling your nearest and dearest how you are feeling. Not judging - maybe I am the weird one and overly emotional/blunt?.. But I couldn't live like that....

Well, I expect that has the great benefit for you that you don't have many people asking to stay.

No I would offer snacks.

Same issue here. As we‘re not paying for accommodation we go out for food once a day - supermarket full English with a kids eat free keeps us going.

We tried taking over cooking (DM will cook alongside with pursed lips and refuse anything we prepare). We’ve tried living off nuts (just get hangry). We‘ve tried buying extra meals to supplement (lectures on food waste).

But, if we supplement enough food, we can see the funny side. One highlight of a previous trip was DH, who actually eats extremely modestly) genuinely thinking the portion of ‘Greek Salad’ put in front of him was his starter. It was a main meal for 5.

My in laws are the same and if I offer them breakfast at 8am they will say oh no I’ll save myself for later - meal booked for 7pm 😭

I'm early 60s & my appetite has decreased.

The kids will often laugh about a "mummy portion".

The biggest change I've found though is often not feeling hungry until about 10am.

Used to be ready for breakfast as soon as I got up!

Why would anyone be grateful to be invited for Christmas where the hosts don't provide sufficient food?

It's not a weight-loss clinic or a household where money for food is in short supply.

Why would anyone choose to host Christmas and then deliberately fail to provide their guests with normal nutritious meals?

Would you Iike a medal? ;)

I'm glad you don't say this to them. Because it would be extremely rude and unkind!

If you are hosting people, you cater (within reason) to their tastes. Not your own).

I love you for your horderves OP 🤣 it's how it should be spelled I reckon. It's my new favourite.

This.

Thankyou.

It’s not always age related either. My own DM is 80, a healthy weight and can easily out eat me. But my (vile) SIL once served up one medium sized quiche and a single bag of salad leaves, with tap water, as dinner for 6 adults. We haven’t been to her house since!
And to everyone who says “oh well I don’t need to eat that much”. Great, good for you, but you do know that other people are different? I don’t eat breakfast, I cannot face food before about 11am but when I’m hosting I provide a proper breakfast (full English, yoghurt, fruit, pastries etc). It’s just polite!

Bore off.

Unlikely. Appetites decrease with age. Mine certainly has. I sometimes forget to eat because I’m basically never hungry.

Could they be on weight loss drugs? That could account for small appetites and nausea looking at food.

They sounds annoying and they clearly have forgotten that kids tends to need lots of energy.

DC tends to eat a huge amount of snacks and needs 3 proper meals a day our grocery bill is through the roof.