In laws with tiny stomachs

What is more common in the UK is the sneery attitude if someone is full (or particularly doesnt want to drink), food and drink being pushed on people is far more common and much more uncomfortable. I think over indulgence and greed is not pushed or tolerated as much in other countries. Enjoyment yes, but not overkill.

Did they feed DH as a child?

I don’t accept it’s normal to eat next to nothing as you get older. I’m a nurse and most of the patients I know who have lived to old age are the ones with a healthy appetite.

That said I think there is a generational attitude (especially post war baby’s) that food should be rationed and if you eat a lot you’re greedy.

I don't think anyone in this day and age in this country is starving. I've never eaten huge meals,born a few years after the war and had ration books, the experts reckon that was the most healthy diet,no upfs, everything home cooked,a lot home grown,shot or fished for. Health issues have dictated different dietary requirements. I always cook plenty,it's in dishes help yourself. Earlier in the week I stayed with single DD as she has major surgery and lives alone. She has a big appetite (she's over 6 ft tall) big lunch and dinner, snacks, doesn't eat breakfast, which I didn't realise.

Ugh, do you do this on purpose because you're antisocial and hate having people over?

If people have catered specific numbers per person they need to serve on plates, not let people help themselves. Some people are so odd!

My MIL has form for this and it drives me crazy. I just want to have 3 meals a day and have some sort of certainty that it will happen! I feel like I am the only person prepared to say ‘shall we eat now’, ‘what’s the plan for lunch’,‘I’m hungry’ etc- pretty sure if I didn’t say anything then we would never eat. She has the appetite of a sparrow which is fine but she enforces it onto others which is not fine, she commonly says things like ‘oh me and FIL have only just had breakfast so we don’t need lunch’, when actually FIL turns out to be quite peckish. Also, when we are hosting and trying to feed her and find out a meal we can cook that we can all enjoy she will say ‘oh just dry toast for me’, ffs. She has also described DH and DD as ‘piggy’ for enjoying a full breakfast. Which made my blood boil. I spend my time trying to limit contact and maintain positive attitudes towards food in our own family home. She does have a very restricted diet so it’s possible she has an eating disorder but controlling or commenting about other people’s eating is not ok. Especially a child! DH is on my side but I think has just been worn down over the years, and communication in general is poor so he has sort of given up I think. He also doesn’t get as hangry as me or DD…..

Yes people eat less but my mother in her 80s is eating a lot more than many on this thread - age alone isn’t the reason behind this

My DM has been a competitive non-eater for decades. She absolutely fails to see food as a nutritional essential of life and energy and sees it only as calories.

She’s currently suffering with a bad cold and is messaging me how she feels “tired and shakey”. Will she eat breakfast? Will she fuck.

Why would they throw away food thats good to eat but be concerned about waste? Have you actually bought food to eat but it ended up in the bin?

My GPs ate very little as they got older. However, they would have been mortified if anyone left their house hungry. They always had a full fridge, full cupboards and generous snacks. They would never have dreamed of expecting a family to survive on their tiny portions.

I’ve never met an 80 year old of either gender who ate the same quantities as they did in their 40s. It’s well documented that slower metabolism, hormonal changes, and the effects of common illnesses/conditions of old age, and their associated medications, tend to reduce appetite.

My mums favourite thing to say when the meal gets delivered at a restaurant is ‘oh we could share this next time! That’s too much’. Everyone finishes their meal apart from her but she’s had 500 calories worth of wine to bulk her out. She eats like a bird but drinks like a fish

One of many reasons why we don't visit DM at home anymore. Nothing to eat, nothing to do and always freezing cold. She's not short of money just has no hosting skills. She's a bit overweight actually so presumably doesn't eat bird like portions at other times. Like you, I dislike the constant reference to how much she's eating, how stuffed she is, how she'll not need to eat again until tomorrow. I don't know if its a generational thing to talk like that but I want to keep DC shielded from what I feel is a bit unhealthy/disordered talk around food by today's standards.

Perfect 👏👏👏

It's easy to say just communicate but in a lot of cases the issue isn't just the lack of food provided, it's the level of judgement and shaming that go along with it. People who can't grasp that others might have different needs may not be the sort of people who take feedback well or who have raised children who feel able to communicate openly with them.

I will say we do just say clearly we need more food, ignore all the nonsense about not needing to eat again and pretty much takeover the catering but the endless comments are wearing.

Have an omlette for breakfast and they start telling everyone we won’t need dinner that evening because we have had so much to eat.

It’s this performative ‘we won’t need to eat again today will we’ aspect that really annoys me. Not least as nearly every time I’ve heard someone say this after breakfast or lunch they DO eat again that day, often many times.

It’s taken me awhile to realise that for some people it’s just a phrase they say, and not meant to be taken literally. But as someone who tends to take comments at face value, and who had disordered eating when I was younger, I can really do without this ‘I eat so little’ performance.

I had the opposite when my mum stayed last year. I was WFH but managed to make soup or something for lunch, just the things I would normally have. After the second day she insisted on 'treating' me to lunch out for the next three days and I gradually realised it was probably because she eats a lot more than me and was probably hungry on what I eat for lunch. I just hadn't really thought about it.

But she was having two/three course lunches and whatever I cooked for dinner as well whereas I was stuffed still from lunches out and barely ate later on. So when she visits again this year I'll make sure I have a lot more in. It was a genuine lack of thought on my behalf. She is 75.

Omg you have just described my in-laws. Serve up tiny portions while while proclaiming how filling a grain of rice is. Refuse to feed our 3 children as "they don't know what children eat" . We have to take all our own food when we visit (they have plenty of money) and they ravenously eat what we bring while I mutter sarcastic comments under my breath.
You can either accept it and take your own food or only visit for a short while..we go for lunch but stop at McDonald's on way down for kids to eat as it's 2 hours each way and they need lunch at some point. You won't change them I'm afraid and my husband like yours wouldn't challenge.

Not in our house

So true. Gone are the days of 5 pints and a doner kebab on the way home.

Yes, you eat less as you get older. I'm 65, run every day, cycle, do Pilates (so I'm not festering in a chair all day), but I only eat one meal a day. Whenever I have people to stay I have to remind myself that they will need breakfast and lunch and I make sure that food is in for those extra meals. Why wouldn't I? I'm not going to expect everyone who stays to immediately adapt to my (admittedly quite weird) eating regime! I KNOW that other people eat more than me and cater accordingly.

It's this that makes me wonder about OPs parents. Cognitively they know that other people eat differently and more, it's the refusal to countenance it in their house that seems odd. And slightly controlling.

Obviously! Anyone would be hangry and ravenous on one sardine and a thimble of cheese. Hope the hordirves help! 😉

There is nobody alive now under the age of 80 who was alive during the war. Rationing of food continued in the UK until 1954 but was nothing like as strict as it had been during the war in the early 1950s.

ETA My parents were children during the war and the effect it had on them was that they always made sure there was lots and lots of food available. The idea of a guest going hungry would have been anathema to them. They certainly didn't give inferior or cheaper food to children. Food was a joy and one we all shared. I feel very fortunate about that.

I can’t believe how common this is on here. It’s fine not to be hungry but policing other peoples hunger is rude.

We used to get this when we visited in in-laws when they lived in Spain. There was never anything in the cupboard/fridge for breakfast (because they didn't eat breakfast!), so my husband used to have to go to the local supermarket for supplies. Lunch was then likely 3 pm, by which time, we were starving and they then ate at about 8 pm at night. The evening meal portions weren't enough to keep a mouse alive, but they claimed they were 'full'!! We had our son with us, who was young at the time, and needed to eat at consistent normal times. In the end we ate out, because it was easier for us. We discovered further down the line, that the reason why they barely ate, was because they were drinking alcohol all the time, so were actually 'forgetting' to eat!! My parents are in their 80's and don't eat as much as they used too but they don't expect us to eat tiny portions. In fact they'd be mortified if we went home hungry.