Brother has said he will stop contact between his kids and my stepdaughter over Christmas invite

Could it be political / racial? Lots of people seem emboldened at the moment to pick on religious or ethnic minorities, where they wouldn't have done before because of the social culture.

Inheritance normally goes to the children not grandchildren

Abusive and controlling

You need to start getting angry and tough and protecting your dh and daughter. Cut him from your lives

What a nasty bastard, definitely share the texts with your SIL and see if she has some insight.

Does your brother have children? Do your parents fuss over your step-daughter in the same way as they do other children in the family? Could your brother perceive your parents as favouring your step-daughter over his children or other 'blood' related children? You mentioned that your brother has started being critical towards your husband. Have your husband and brother fallen out? Could your brother be jealous of your husband for some reason? Does he have a better job? Earn more money? Have a better car? Do you have a nicer home? Is your husband fitter or better looking than your brother? Or could this be down to inheritance that may be received later on from your parents? Are your parents planning on leaving their grandchildren money in their Will? If so would this include your step-daughter? Regardless of your brother's reasons, he's being incredibly cruel and unkind towards a 5 year old child. He needs to give his head a bloody good wobble and he needs a metaphoric smack around the ear. Your brother should be ashamed of himself. He not only has been cruel towards your step-daughter but he's also tried in a roundabout way, to blame your parents, and has the attitude that he's merely 'saying to you what they won't'.

I would tell him that if he doesn’t want his children around your daughter then he is welcome not to attend family events.

But I would expect your parents to say something to him and if they don’t then I’d be reviewing my relationship with them as well.

But tbh I’d be telling the 15 year old why you don’t see them, because at 15 she’s old enough (and at 15 probably gobby enough) to have an opinion which she hopefully wouldn’t be afraid to voice.

You need to speak to your SIL and find out if she knows what’s happened. Have you, that would be the obvious thing as you get on very well.

I think you need to show the messages to your SIL and ask her what is going on with him. “ Has he got a mental health issue to make him so vile and nasty”

if she looks guilty then you know she agrees with him.

Then remind him that when his own marriage breaks up his daughters will someday be spending alternate Christmases with their new step families and you hope they will feel welcome

It must have some connection with your dh. It doesn't make sense otherwise. Has he discovered something about him?

Or has he found out something about dsd's mum and he's transferring that to dsd?

Talk to your SIL get her on side and your PIL and call him out on his behaviour every single time. Host Christmas at yours next year and explain the ground rules she is family he doesn’t like it / he doesn’t come

Sounds like something has happened over Christmas or his partner has said something that has set him off.

Id tell your brother that until he grows up and has an adult conversation about what the real issue is, you will be keeping away from him.

I’d just ignore him and crack on as usual taking your step daughter to your parents etc , if he wants to keep his kids away then that is his lookout . I’d also speak to your SIL about what has been said and get her take on it . Basically your brother is an utter knob .

That’s vile. I met my DSD age 3 as well and she’s now 10 and every bit my brother’s niece and my parents grandchild, she’s with us for Christmas dinner every year! Your brother is the one who should stay away, I feel sorry for his children if he’s raising them with this nasty outlook.

B is a dick and your parents sound lovely.

Like a pp I wonder if this is more do to with your dh than the little girl. Come to a boil now you’re pregnant.

I'd have a chat with dsil - an I'm so confused, I don't know what we've done wrong approach rather than why is your husband being an utter dick.

who's life will be harder if you don't do childcare? you might find she overrules him pdq!!

Are you close to SIL? I’d want to ask her what’s going on.

Hmm has his tiny brain started overworking and is he afraid that your parents might spend money on a gift for her and he somehow thinks that it takes away from his kids or him?
its strange he is doing this now all of a sudden? Has someone new come into his life and influencing him to say this?
My brother once met a woman who thought she had the right to comment on my good relationship with my DSC and her mother

regardless of the reason your brother is a dick to pick on a small child. Fuck him. This is a sibling to your child and trumps him

Your brother is horrible. I dont have any advice but I wouldn't want him in my life. It's a shame you will lose contact with your neices but one day they will be old enough to make decisions for themselves.

Exactly what I thought.

If he is being shitty with DH as well does he suspect DH of having an affair and therefore thinks that DSD won't be in the family much longer?

Even if it is that he is going about it in an utterly horrible way.