Brother has said he will stop contact between his kids and my stepdaughter over Christmas invite

You need to tell your husband calmly without delay. Otherwise your brother is creating secrets within your manage.

Personally I think your parents need to step in here. Tell him DSD is welcome as much as the other children are. We are all family. Stop being a dick and stop upsetting your sister.

And repeat.

They need to ensure he knows his little demands won’t be tolerated.

Where is SIL in all this?

I think there is more to this than your DB just being a prize winning arse hole. I'd arrange tk meet and speak with him and explain how upset you are with his behaviour. She's a y year old little girl FFS.

If he was racist, he would've been racist last month at the bonfire party and all the other times the kids were around each other.

If this is a change in character there must have been a trigger. Have you asked why?

My guess was that one of your DN was similar age to you DSD and brother is worried/jealous that people will view her more favourably for some reason- maybe worrying that she is smarter/funnier/more talented or more well liked etc Nonsense reason but that was my guess. Maybe now they are both school age there will be more to compare about the two girls in his eyes.

Hmmm

Well you're going to have to tell your husband some time aren't you?

I'd hit the roof if my DH kept this from me, especially as it would concern my child.

If your DH is a different religion, is your DB racist?

Invite your dps to your home. Db need never figure in your plans again.
Request his name is never mentioned in your home.

Stand your ground ! Your brother is an idi@t

Ok, so you continue as you were with your parents, and leave him to avoid you all.

It's terribly sad, and God knows why he is suddenly saying this.

Personally I wouldn't be able to come back from it. We have a blended family too and if anyone doesn't want to support that or welcome our respective kids into each side of the family, they can fuck off. Luckily it's mostly been ok.

You say you're at a 'real loss' but I suspect you're afraid of the reason for it.

Not only have you not sat your brother down and asked him why everything's changed since only last month, but you haven't even told your husband about the messages.

Why are you avoiding this?

What a horrible asshole your brother is. Im so sorry you've had to deal with this. Your DSD is lucky to have all the love that you and the rest of your family have extended to her x

Your brother is a poor excuse for a man

Because she is the mother of her own daughters and might be interested to know that her husband plans to cut them off from their own family.

also OP will want to know if she shares the same vile views so that she knows whether to keep babysitting or not.

All these posts suggesting the sister in law is dragged into it. Why?

Is she the fixer for OPs brother, is she his mother and keeper?

This is what drives women round the bend, other family members expecting them to sort out other family members.

Speak to the brother and deal with him, he's the one that said it. If the sister in law involves herself then yes, deal with her as well but so far OP hasnt mentioned the sister in law.

That would be the end of my relationship with my brother. What he said is disgusting. What does he expect you to do with the child who lives with you on Christmas day? Clearly worried some of the attention is taken from his own child. Disgusting thing to say.

If this is out of character, could someone else have used his phone? I only say that as my friend got horrible messages and it turned out it was the phone owners teenager and mates being idiots. They thought it was funny. I am definitely grasping at straws though. Or has your step daughter done anything to annoy him like had fights with his kids or said horrible things or behaved badly at previous gatherings? Something to make him wish she was excluded.

Otherwise I think he's a dick and you should avoid him in future.

Well something has flipped a switch. Given that this is out of character for him you need to do some digging.

I agree

He also has severely misinterpreted the meaning of Christmas if he thinks it is only for spending with blood relatives. Give him a bible for Xmas

I’d be worried your brother was having some kind of mental breakdown tbh. His wife isn’t related to the family either nor are any in laws etc. People marry in and this child has been married in. And even if she wasn’t she’s a small child who you are a guardian to and why would that be an issue on Cmas? He sounds like he’s fallen off his rocker.

Id go round to his house and try and get to the bottom of it tbh.

You don’t need to navigate this imo.

You and your DSD are still invited by your parents to things. If he doesn’t want to come then fine, sounds like it’s not a huge loss tbh.

Was he initially very welcoming of SD OP? Or has be been a bit flat about her until now but is now openly hostile? Either way it's not right she's just a 5 year old little girl and if my brother behaved like this I'd personally cut him off, whilst he may not have that family feeling towards her and may be unable to connect with her like family your SD certainly shouldn't be shunned from his children and excluded from family events just because shes not blood related.