Brother has said he will stop contact between his kids and my stepdaughter over Christmas invite

Has your DB been accessing racist content and had his views influenced by this? Seems weird to have a sudden switch of behaviour.

It may also be that a new baby has made him suddenly made him greedy about inheritance.

Either way he is extraordinarily moronic to take issue against a 5 year old and I would be furious with him and do everything to protect the child from his horrible behaviour.

If your db is not usually a cunt then there may be something that you are not aware of. I had a few thoughts. One is that there may have been an incident with your dsd - maybe she witnessed something your db did. Another thought is racism. And another thought which might be unpalatable to you is that the nastiness is actually coming from your mum and dad and that they are being fake with you and pretending they are fine with it but complaining about dsd to your db all the time and leaving him to do their dirty work. The final thought is that it might be about inheritance and your db wants your dsd cut out of your parents will. These are all highly speculative but there isn't much to go on. I hope you get it sorted.

I think you could talk to your parents about his latest threat and then have a face to face discussion with DB and your parents together in order to find out the real reason for his change of mind..good luck

My brother is like this and he’s jealousy. Pure jealousy at the root of every issue my brother creates within our family. I’ve been no contact for the last 5 years and happier for it. I’ve seen him a few times at big family gatherings but mostly keep my distance and keep it surface level.

I don't think step children or step grandchildren should automatically be included in the will but isn't it up to the person writing the will to decide what to do with the estate??

Is your dh is not white as well as belonging to a different faith and your brother's dislike against your dsd, be thinly disguised racism? Especially since you say that he's never liked your dh because he belongs to a particular religion. Is he a Muslim by any chance, it'll explain your brother's hostility.

Could also your sil be whispering in his ear and making the problem worse? I would tackle this directly because it's a horrible way to treat an innocent child.

You say your DSD lives with you. Is that 100% of the time? If so, where does your DB expect her to go when you visit your parents?

Additionally, is your DH bringing his DD up in his own religion? Your DB perhaps doesn't want that to "rub off" on his own kids (basically he's racist). Out of interest, what religion have you decided to bring your own child up in?

I'd be telling DB that if he continues then he'll not see much of his new niece/nephew, as you come as a family package and you won't be excluding DSD from that. Hopefully your DSIL will maintain a relationship between you and the younger niece.

Why not say the religion? Could be the crux of it? What’s happened in the last month….a terrible terrorist attack on Bondi?….so if your husband is Muslim and he is raising the child Muslim then this could be the trigger ….sounds horrifying and stupid to many but who knows what’s going on in his brain? And without knowing the religion everything is just speculation as to what has changed so dramatically in such a short space of time

What reason did he give?

Go visit him and his wife on your own.
Talk about the issue.
State clearly that your DSD would never be in a position to take any share of anything from his children so he is being a complete moron. She is a little girl member of the extended family and not a threat.

Separately, address these things....
When you are together as a family, pay attention that your nieces are getting their reasonable alone time with their grandparents.

Never be disappointed if your parents want to take their grand children to some outings, one on one, without DSD. Clearly never in a cruel way but I doubt your mother would ever be cruel.

Ask your parents to not include DSD in their Will.

Either DSD has upset your DB 6 year old and he doesn't want his child to be upset again on Christmas- which is fucking pathetic because kids will always make up faster than the adults.

OR your DB is racist and has been emboldened by all the recent right wing knuckle dragging in the media.

I love you for saying this. I've been that step daughter and it's a hard life feeling like you never quite belong. The main thing is here you have the power to insulate her from all of this, she is the child and she is the vulnerable one, if your brother chooses not to come with his kids then she need never know that was about her. I would take my time and write him a heartfelt letter outlining that this is a small child who you parent, who you gave parented for her entire living memory, who lives with you and is a blood relative to your partner and your own child and is as good as to you and can he explain what he thinks is so toxic and damaging suddenly about having a little five year old girl who is absolutely an integral member of your family, at Christmas dinner. Explain that if he holds this attitude to the little girl he is forcing you to set boundaries about his contact your nieces contact with her as your will not have her as a small child mistreated in any way and it is your job as a parent to protect her. Find out what you are dealing with here, is there a bigger picture? Does he ever kick off about you getting more support, attention, money etc from parents? This child is being used for an agenda and good for you for not allowing it

It sounds like your brother is jealous of the changes in your life. You've been married recently and now you're pregnant, and you now come with a man in tow and no doubt a cute 5yo. I bet you're getting more attention than usual? It would be strange if you haven't been! It's called "your turn".

But he can't exile you or your baby, so he's found a flimsy argument to target you via DSD. That's my guess.

Yes surely you'll not be pushed out? Your parents should 'side' with you and call out his behavior. I'd have it out with him and if he is just simply being awful I wouldn't hide the reason you don't speak to him anymore from anyone old enough to understand.

Guess is that you and brother are Catholic and your partner is Jewish. That would explain not celebrating Christmas and there are plenty that have found a hatred for Jews over the last few months that they never knew they had before and can even some how justify it to themselves, even to hating 5 year old girls. There's very few that can match the quick changes in prejudice than a ritious antisemetic who's seen the light of 'evil' Zionism can. I know, I live in Ireland

What's the bit about it not being fair on the other children if your DSD is there, all about?
That's a seriously weird thing to say about a 5 year old being around on Christmas day.

I very strongly suspect racism or prejudice of some kind here…

Another one wondering if this is racially motivated and your brother’s started listening to far right wankers online.

If he’s said this to your parents, would your mum or your dad be willing to talk to him to find out what has brought this on? I don’t understand what has suddenly changed, unless one of your parents has made some passing comment about sorting out their wills and, as pp’s have suggested, it has suddenly occurred to him that a share for your DSD means a smaller share for his family?

I hope it doesn’t happen but as he appears to have gone insane, I’d be prepared for the possibility that he threatens to withhold contact with his youngest DD from your parents unless they go along with his nonsense.

Yeah, I wondered this too when op said her DH was of a different religion...

This is so bizarre if it’s come out of the blue! Sorry Op.

I think we might have the same brother as there can't possibly be two "men" as cuntish as this.

Mine is now dead ti me and I've not one moment of regret. I also still see my DNephew regularly as ex SIL supports this and makes sure it happens x

Who are the 2% of posters who think this is ok?!

Why has everyone jumped to him having an issue with dh? My first thought was that something has happened between dsd and his kids, or she has behaved in a way he doesn't like. I know she's only 5 and holding that against her wouldn't be right, but it seems like most obvious issue. He's finding it hard to manage the dynamic between them, or she's allowed to do something they aren't, or there was some kind of name calling / pushing last time you didn't know about? And he's jumped to finding a reason why they don't have to spend time with her. If so he's not handling it right of course!

Do both your brother's children have the same mother?

If not, has something happened within one of his children's step-families recently and he's now projecting this on your family?